Is Evel Kenievel a Pimp?

According to News.com.au:



"MOTORCYCLE daredevil Evel Knievel cannot sue a Web site that published a photo of him with two women above a caption reading 'You're never too old to be a pimp', a US appeals court ruled today.The term 'pimp' was probably intended as a compliment, the court said."

Pimping, by any stretch of the imagination (The Corsair grabs his bottle of Baron de Sigognac Armagnac, slyly, then a Cuban Schimmelpennick and a chilled white wine glass) -- aint easy, or so the old adage goes (The Corsair whistles the first 16 measures of Mozart's Queen of the Night Aria from Die Zauberflauten). There's all the bail money, for one. It goes without saying that if all of one's start up capital is being spent on bail as soon as it comes in from, ahem, "fortnightly investors," well, "The Game" going to turn out low profit margins. It goes without saying.



(The Corsair puts on 70s funk) Then, there's that matter of economic growth, which is, no pun intended, a bitch. Growth in this traditionally low profit margin industry arises from the particular manner and stylations of the pimp, his pimpology, which means, in other words, bling-bling, and ancillary to that vector -- that's right -- more spending: the "iciest gear," the "most tricked out, latest ride, with rims," and, of course, "true pimping game requires that one never wears the same outfit twice." The gaudier the better.

Then there's Marketing. The tediousness of the sweet talk. The fancydancing. The palace intrigue. The whole (air quotes) "Pimp-Ho::Helgellian Master-Slave dialectic" (The Corsair sips Armagnac) ... it's all so "First Room," as Graydon Carter might say, between tokes from a Winston Light (The Corsair pulls on his Schimmelpennick). Flossing the sound system with the "crunchiest" beats. Pimp goblet's for every day of the week -- or month, if you roll like that. Protection money to the local precinct, you know, kicking it Old School, Fort Apache the Bronx, urban jungle style. And the intangibles, like "having game," or, as sociologists in academia refer to it, "charismatic leadership."

No, no, true believer, pimping is not easy. We'd rather try our hand at the blogging game. More media coverage.

"But Knievel said, 'What good is law in the United States of America if five or six goddamn bimbos are going to rule against it?'"

Bimbos? Misogyny ... will not help your case, Mr. Robbie "Evel" Knievel -- and neither will the name Evel, BTW -- on pimping charges.

"Knievel sued after ESPN, a subsidiary of Walt Disney Co., published a photo of the famed stunt driver at the Action Sports and Music Awards in 2001 with his arms around his wife and a second young woman.

"The photo on the EXPN.com website ran alongside that of other people with captions that, in the words of a lower court ruling, 'contained loose, figurative, slang language.'"

But is Evel Kenievel a Pimp?

Names. A pimps name is important. It ought to suggest "sin," or vice of some form, thus like attracting like. The best pimp names involve liquor. "Soave Bolla" is a very Chi-town pimp name, while "Gallo," might reign supreme on the Philly Street. The Corsair is particularly fond of the pimp name "Beaujolais," but only if the name is used seasonally. If pimping and not writing had been our calling, our vocation, that, surely would have been our nom du guerre. The name "Beaujolais" has the appropriate patina and flava -- cost effective, louche, good natured, of moderate quality; but we must say, The Corsair is a lot more mysterious, adventurous. There have also been pimps known as "Delicious," we say this, apropos of nothing, if you must know.

Verdict: The name Evel, misspelled "Evil", could easily be mistaken for the urban pimp sobriquet. His pimp hand is strong.

Apparel. A pimp's dress and overall grooming is important. A pimp was the world's first metrosexual. A "working girl" has to want to feel proud "choosing" her pimp. Tangerine power suits. Sorbet neckerchiefs. Lime hats with ostrich feathers. Lavender shirts with Robin's egg blue suspenders and aligator boots. It's all good.

Verdict: Crisp white motorcycle outfit, tight about the crotch. Oh yeah. This spells Vancouver pimp.

Sweet Talking and Fancy Dancing. A pimps game is hugely dependent on his flow.

Verdict: Evel has a surprisingly strong flow for being of the trailer born. Pimpressive.

Draw your own conclusions.