Ed Koch's Sexuality, Take 2

The Corsair doesn't know why he cares about former NYC mayor Ed Koch's sexuality, the sexual behavior of an 80 year old man should be as spicy as Jane Pauley's new book, which is, not at all, but the very fact that he keeps it so goddamned ambiguous keeps us guessing.

We're 95 percent sure he's gay, but then, you never see him dating -- ever -- and then there's that whole weird thing he had going with his "walker" at social events, Bess Myerson. What was that all about? Maybe he's asexual like an amoeba? Maybe politics is his one and only bitch? If Koch just came out and said, "I like hott guys, " or, "I like hott girls," or "I like to fuck cake," then ... maybe we'd be able to leave it alone, cut him some slack. Give us a direction, Eddie boy, escort the girl or boy or (Averted Gaze) the offending piece of pastry to an actual event. But no! Ed Koch's sexuality remains a dark and moist and twisted place that begs for light to be thrown over it.

Elegant blogger James Wolcott once remarked:

"Off to the CNBC studios at Englewood Cliffs, NJ yesterday morn for a taping of Topic [A] with Tina Brown. Awaiting in the green room, just as he was last time, was former NY major Ed Koch, who's becoming a gruesomely familiar figure in my life. Perhaps Koch uses the green room as his pied a terre, or just can't resist the morning spread of buns (?) and fresh fruit (?)."

"Buns" and "fruit" notwithstanding, this report by the Page Sixxies, only confuses us all the more more about the sexuality of the man who famously asked us, "How'm I Doin?" -- hey, Ed, "Who're You Doin":

"ED Koch has objected to an off-color joke Billy Crystal tells about Eleanor Roosevelt's sexual habits in his new Broadway show, '700 Sundays.' In a letter Koch sent to Crystal c/o the Broadhurst Theater, the former mayor writes: 'Even though it received a response of apparent mirth from the audience, I honestly believe that most people, including myself, were put off by it. Why? Because Eleanor Roosevelt is held in such universal high regard as the mother of our country for the modern era going back to 1932 . . .'"

Because, of course, nation's switch "Mother's" every century or so ... WTF?! Don't bogart that crack pipe, Mr. Mayor! Give us a hit off the glass ... er -- no pun intended-- dick?

" ... Koch puzzlingly continues, 'The sexual references to her providing oral sex to FDR simply clash with your primarily Jewish audience's not being able to consider their own parents as having engaged in sex, and certainly not oral sex.'"

Hmm. Sounds like Ed is having his sex issues combined with a "senior moment." Someone please supervise the former Mayor before he mails any more letters out.

"... Koch adds that 'another member of my party' also objected to the joke. The unidentified friend supposedly told him that Crystal's crack was 'cruel and completely out of character with the rest of the show' and 'belonged in a Howard Stern routine.'"

Crystal's crack? What about Ed's crack?! Someone keep the mayor from hitting that pipe! Refrain, Ed Koch! Refrain!