A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Mariska Hargitay. Although some have openly criticized her attire, the elegant Mariska deserved her moment of golden globe glory. And, of course, Liz Smith, whom we like much, was there to ogle such Hollywood Royalty (Angelina, Teri, Annette -- we do it too, BTW, baby pop), lasciviously, thusly: "This was Mariska Hargitay, the all-too-human face of a sex-crimes detective in 'Law & Order: SVU,' accepting her award Sunday night. Miss Hargitay's mother was, of course, the iconic '50s-era sex bomb Jayne Mansfield, and I have always had a soft spot for Mariska,"



Really? ... uh, How soft, Liz (The Corsair delicately dabs his brow with a sorbet-colored handkerchief)?

"... having gone to college at the University of Texas with her mother. Mariska's father is and was the hunky bodybuilder Mickey Hargitay. He wept throughout her remarks. Although she may not have intended it, Mariska's gown was on the deep pink side, and pink was mama Jayne's favorite color."

... er, How pink, Liz (The Corsair arches an eyebrow; moistens his lips; fans himself with pheasant feathers)?

Out: Kate Moss' 31st Birthday. The guestlist ... it wasn't quite (The Corsair is frustrated) ... the location wasn't quite (words fail The Corsair) ... "Kate Moss, circa 1989." YouknowwhatImean (The Corsair perambulates)? Back when Kate was all "heroin chic"; back when Kate had -- what Johnny Depp accurately called -- "the high water booty." According to the 3AM Girls:

"The catwalk queen treated guests at her 31st birthday - held at a secluded farmhouse

"Among the guests at the rock-themed celebrations were Sadie Frost and boyfriend Jackson Scott and actress Davinia Taylor. Everyone donned 70s-style rock outfits and glittery wigs before heading off to the converted 10-bedroom barn in Little Farringdon, in the Cotswolds.

"'It was a strange place to pick,' our source confides. 'It was odd seeing all these celebs struggling up a muddy gravel path to get to the party. People were desperately trying not to slip into the puddles. Security was really tight."

"'There were five bouncers and a clipboard woman checking everyone's name was on the list.

"'Kate's quite secretive and was worried about people leaking party stories to the Press.'"

-- God help the leaker of the odd "Jackson Scott" (Averted Gaze) piece ...

In: George's Lake Como Villa. Life has you down, homeslice; we so understand. Gravitational forces weigh heavily upon your barn door delts. (The Corsair falls into reverie) Her serious hair. (Sotto Voce) How can you forget those tresses ... Troy sucked ass. The media gives you no surcease. We know the feeling (We wish; call us!).

Only one thing to do, keemo sabe -- go to George's legendary Lake Como Villa, because you know that's where it's at, according to FemaleFirst:

"Brad Pitt has reportedly turned to George Clooney to help him get over his split from Jennifer Aniston.

"The Hollywood heartthrob, who announced his separation from the former 'Friends' beauty earlier this month, has been seeking comfort from his 'Ocean's Twelve' co-star and George has even joked that Brad has threatened his position as one of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors.

"George ... has ... offered for Brad to stay his Italian villa for as long as he wants in a bid to get away from the intense media scrutiny.

"A source told Britain's New magazine: 'George has been a rock to Brad.

"'... George has suggested to Brad that he should get away from the madness and go to Italy. He's worried about him.'"

Allow the healing waters of forgetfulness that is Lake Como to wash that "serious hair" -- that carefully styled "freshly fucked" look -- from thy tortured memory ...

In: Richard Hatch, Jailbird. Reality bites. Why is it that so many "Reality TV stars" end up with prison records if they don't have one already (Ed Note: Steven, that dude who slapped Irene with Lime disease on Real World, is a prostitute!) ? Granted, if you win an advertised "One Million Dollars," and you have the check in hand, it's kind of hard to part with the tax cash portion to Uncle Sam. "I won a million dollars," you reason. Still, a crackhead move, to be sure, on the part of Motivational Speaker Richard Hatch, as, no doubt, "Uncle Sam" was more than likely than not salivating at the prospect of his cut. It is not inconceivable that multitudes of IRS Agents were watching the show, giving each other high fives at the outcome, because, well, no matter who won, so did the IRS. According to TheSmokingGun:

"Richard Hatch, the first winner of CBS's 'Survivor,' was charged today with failing to report his $1 million reality TV windfall to the Internal Revenue Service. The ... two-count criminal information, unsealed today in U.S. District Court in Rhode Island, charges Hatch with filing a false 2000 tax return that omitted his seven-figure 'Survivor' winnings. The nudity enthusiast, 43, is also charged with filing a false return for 2001 (he allegedly did not report $321,000 paid to him by a Boston radio station). If convicted of the felony charges, Hatch could face a maximum of five years in prison for each count and could be hit with a $250,000 fine. Hatch is scheduled to be arraigned on the charges in Providence federal court January 24."

Out: Lawrence Summers, President of Harvard. Ah, we like to call it "The Harvard Effect." That's where someone out of one of the tweedy Social Science departments at Harvard will, oh-so-conveniently, proffer forth an argument in which white men are of intellectually greater capacities in the arts, or sciences, than, oh, say, women, or, African-Americans, what have you (Averted Gaze).

The temptation to annex Darwin's Theory of Evolution to the social sciences (or arts), with The Harvard Intellectual at the Apex of an Unholy Trinity is a deadly temptation, a vain temptation. Bacon's scientific method involves removing oneself from the equation, not revolving the equation entirely around one's own ego, to arrive at "objectivity". Sumner fell prey to this soul-ravaging madness at Yale. Nor will he be the last. Navel-gazing impotent academics, desist! Desist!

Usually, symptoms of this daffy mind disease include a crude allusion of the aforementioned superiority in a tone-deaf, controversial fashion, with dubious scientific graphs and charts -- all bent vectors and twisted axes -- padding one's case. The obvious is not said directly. Never. It is only one possibility. We must discuss this rationally, of course, don't get all red-in-the-face, you can't discount this possibility that intellectual differences may stem from biological differences between the sexes, they will say.

Always this brings forth a backlash; always they appeal to "rational discussion," which spurrs, in turn, a brain dead political correctness. Ugh!

Granted, we should discuss this -- and, at length -- but in a serious intellectually honest manner with good will to all participants. Being courteous is not PC, it's conservative, gentlemany (and ladylike) behavior. All the bombast and controversy of "The Harvard Effect" ought to be checked in at the conference door so that we can get after the truth and not stroke our own Professorial beards. There. I said it.