Monday, January 03, 2005

Predictions 2005

In 2004 we predicted Howard Stern would not renew his contract with Infinity, that P Diddy would announce a run for mayor, and that Clinton would do a $50 million Oprah-like talk show. Ah well, we got some right and some wrong. Our crystal ball is opaque. Keep that in mind when reading our new 2005 predictions:

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Courtney Love will clean herself up and ultimately replace Howard Stern on Infinity radio; meanwhile, the new ultra raunchy Sirius Show will ultimately force ABC to cut their ratings desperate Howard Stern interview show maneuver (ABC has since done better in the ratings).
Howard Dean will win DNC Chair, and tack immediately to the Center, while keeping the far left in tow, via bread-and-circuses to Progressive bloggers.

Arrogant stuffed shirt Al Franken will move closer on deciding to run against Norm Coleman in 2008 (he will run an amazing but lose, Coleman successfully branding Franken a "Harvard media-elite liberal," as Minnesota continues to trend red state)

Johnny Depp wins Best Actor Oscar, despite intense anti-JM Barrie stories appearing in the Old Gray Lady leading up to Academy voting deadlines.

Page Six will debut a popular weekly gossip show on Fox News.

An intense feud in the Senate will brew between Karl Rove's pony, Majority Leader Bill Frist, and John McCain, both running for President in 2008, both spending an incresing amount of time in New Hampshire. The result will be a split between the Moderate Republicans allying with Democrats against the Right in the Senate; talk of a Draft McCain movement within the Democratic Party gain steam.

Letterman will finally trump Leno in the ratings, beginning a new Letterman juggernaut.

The dark, tempestuous, overly-ambitious Andrew Cuomo -- never a sense of pacing and slow progression with this guy; his opera was always all presto and no andante -- will spectacularly implode during an ill-advised campaign for Attorney General, revealing an inner character filled with rage.

Wilmer Valderrama will date a barely legal 18 year old.

Gitte Nielssen and Flavor Flav will get married, but she will abruptly leave him two weeks later, for a Rumanian gypsy. Flav will once again abuse substances, until Chuck D, Terminator X, and Professor Griff stage an intervention, televised on VH1.

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