A Little of the Old In and Out

In: CeCe Cord's Purse Dog, Tiger. The little purse dogs of Masters and Mistresses of the Universe are particularly vulnerable this holiday season, as our favorite social chronicler, David Patrick Columbia tells us a cautionary tale of a dog of the fabulously wealthy:



Above: Upper-East Side doyenne "CeCe" Cord

"I saw CeCe Cord ... She told me about her hair-raising holiday because her little Yorkie, the canine garment and accessories tycoon, Tiger, had a great fall and was in the Animal Medical Center and intensive care."

(The Corsair sprays hot tears)

"Tiger, who has her (his?) own line of custom dog apparel at Bergdorf�s was working with CeCe one day when she put him (her?) down on the counter for a nanosecond � which Tiger was very used to anyway � and just at that moment, someone held out their hand offering a 'treat,' and Tiger jumped for it and landed on the floor on his back."

(The Corsair plays a cadenza of violins)

"It was touch and go for a while there � they didn�t know if the little guy (girl? � I give up) would make it. Then they didn�t know if Tiger would ever walk again. Ahh, but it�s ten weeks later and Tiger, CeCe was happy to say, is up and out and about and back at Bergdorf�s for those special personal appearances. (A dog�s gotta eat.)"

How much would we give to get video footage of that little rat-dog airbourne, catching wind? Tiger -- the bitch -- who, more likely than not, probably has a richer lifestyle than either you or The Corsair, lives to sell more accessories.

Out: 50 Cent's Father. Ay, papi! According to Ananova, via Iol.com, Vivika Fox's favorite stalking prey, 50 Cent -- a man who has the most obnoxious tour rider in the history of rock and roll -- doesn't honor the fifth commandment:

"50 Cent has warned his estranged father not to return to his life in search of money.
The In Da Club singer and his mother Sabrina were abandoned by his father when the rapper was just an infant.

"50 is adamant that his father won't get a share of his 54 million dollar fortune reports IOL.com.
"He said: 'Let me give him a warning! Don't you even dare crawl your a*s out this way.'"

In: Class. (Sarcastically) No couple exudes grace and swishy elegance quite like Fosse hatted Kevin Federline and his stinky footed bride Britney Spears. US Weekly's Hot Stuff column backs us up on this claim, on December 22nd, three days before Christmas, "Kevin Federline was spotted buying his wife, Britney Spears, a home pregnancy test (e.p.t) at the McComb, Mississippi Wal-Mart, near Spears' hometown. Later that evening, the Federline's dined out at Trey Yuen Cuisine of China, in Hammond, Louisiana."

There is nothing The Corsair could add to amplify on the utter "Roast Possum"-ness of that previous sentence. Nada.



Why is this man smiling?

Out: Vincent Gallo. How could anyone find anything mean to say about Kirsten Dunst, who put in the performance of a lifetime a while back in the underrated Crazy/Beautiful? Vincent Gallo can; he hates everything. Gallo's a prick pure and simple. The Corsair is not a violent man -- we are a lover not a fighter -- but we would gladly punch out Gallo if we ever saw his vole-like face.

But we digress. Gallo tells IFQ:

"IFQ: Is it true Kirsten Dunst was to appear in The Brown Bunny?

"Vincent Gallo: Yes. She had complimented me on Buffalo '66 at a party and said she would like to work with me. I asked her to play a small role in The Brown Bunny and she had agreed. On the day before we would shoot her scene, her unhappy and sad agent Theresa Peters called me and turned the situation with Kirsten unpleasant. After hanging up on her I walked from my hotel room to the main street in the small town in New Hampshire where we were filming and recast Kirsten's role with the first girl that I saw on the street. She's the first girl who appears in the film at the gas station scene. And she's brilliant in the film. I just saw Spiderman 2 and was thinking how lucky I was not to have Kirsten in my film.

In: Tina Fey. Tina Fey is a brilliant comedy writer who happens to be a woman. And now, just as she is hitting her stride, after an admittedly rocky start, all manner of media outlets are trying to knock the wind out of her. Let's give Fey a shot before we turn things back over to the Harvard Lampoon Comedy Writer's Boys Club, shall we?



Out: Nick Cage, Freak. Bad enough this man is going to play Johnny Blaze, Ghost Rider, in a movie, thus ruining one of our favorite childhood comic books, but now this freak says that a carnelian rock helps keep him "upright," according to LA.com's blog:

"Nic Cage says a stone in his wedding helps keep it up. Even if it can't help his commitment to matrimony--Cage recently married for the third time--the carnelian gem in the ring has heightened his libido, reports the New Zealand website IOL [via Fark]. Perhaps he needed a boost; wife Alice Kim is a teenager half his age. Cage is quoted as saying:

"'It's good for my sex life. I'm very much into stones.'"