Monday, November 22, 2004

Paris Does Hustler

Racist-pornstar-skank-pseudosocialite Paris Hilton (whew! That felt good!) has finally graduated the pinnacle of her dubious -- and we do mean dubious -- career.

According to Rush and Molloy, Paris is on deck for her first Hustler (pronounced, in a lascivious accent, Huss-LAH) pictorial, and we couldn't be more happy for her (altogether now -- hip!hip! 'ho!'ho!):

"We've seen the shots. While they aren't as hard-core as her infamous sex tape, Larry Flynt finds them arousing enough to publish in Hustler.

"... The temperature of the two ladies' intimacy rises in the pictures: First, the brunette has her arms wrapped around Hilton's hips at what appears to be a club. Then, they're curled up in a Plexiglas chair. Then, they're sharing a few delicate kisses. Finally, their tongues appear to be entwined and the other woman has her hand on Hilton's breast."

Going, The Corsair dreamily trails off, to where so ... many ... oily paws ... have gone before.

"Though the women keep their clothes on, Flynt finds the pictures 'quite erotic, even artistic, certainly compared to her videotape.'"

Fuck you very much, Count Leo Tolstoi, but we know, in the end -- forgive the pun -- that Larry Flynt knows his artistic from his orgasmic; his Mannerists from his Dadaists; his Manet from his Monet. And so forth.

"'I think people will see a new Paris Hilton,' said Flynt."

A new Paris Hilton? The Corsair thinks, from a philosophical standpoint, that the better question to ask might be, is there a square inch of skin on Paris Hilton that has not already been exposed to a jaded public?

A new Paris Hilton? Only if Haliburton builds one in Iraq, my friend.


Anonymous said...


Larry Flynt must be in need of some cash in order to take "Hustlah" to a depth this low. I'm wondering if his uh... "magazine" is going the way of "Penthouse" (there are so many cheezy jokes to be told about that one...).

Paris Hilton--- what is there left to see of her? Ah, a new concept, Paris with clothes on! I'm wondering if it will be her usual skankwear. And that woman that she's posing with needs to hie herself to a doctor ASAP to get some testing done... Paris should have one of those medic alert bracelets: "Warning, probable STD infection whenever within a 2 ft radius of wearer".

Paris and unsuspecting human in a plexiglass chair... major ick factor there! *Cringing*

She's one that makes the concept of a "full body condom" sound realistic.


Glor said...

Where can i find full Paris Hilton bio?