Tuesday, November 30, 2004

A Little of The Old In and Out

In: Plum and Lucy Sykes. According to Fashionweekdaily:

"Twins Plum and Lucy Sykes will celebrate their birthdays with an invite-only bash at Bungalow 8 this Saturday"

Okay, like (The Corsair gives a fake laugh), this is hugely embarrassing for everyone involved(Pregnant Pause), but, Lucy baby, The Corsair didn't get his invite. Oversight? We think so. It must have been lost in the mail. Plum, honey (The Corsair makes the universal cell phone sign), have your people get in touch with my people so we can make this happen.

Out: Sundance. Does Sundance suck ass? Is the term "Sundance" Navajo for "Jumping the Shark"? The bloggers as LA.com appear have a point when they write, earnestly:

"Despite Robert Redford's annual claims that the fest hasn't gone too Hollywood, Sundance has just added a Industry Office to assist execs in corrupting ... connecting with filmmakers.

"UPDATE: The Daily News reports that festival veterans Naomi Watts, Laura Linney, Steve Buscemi and Patricia Clarkson star in some of the competition films. And this year Keanu Reeves will most likely clomp up and down Main Street in Park City."

Even Miramax started out with the best of intentions before being corrupted to The Dark Side of the Force and having their indie asses kicked by Fox SearchLight. We like the fact that Sundance is the only game in town for Native Americans hoping to get their views on screen, cause, let's be frank, if you are a Sioux with ambitions of cahiers du cinema, chances are you are getting your ass whipped on the reservation on a daily basis, and Rob Redford's there for you, but we're hoping, praying to The Great Invisible Spirit, that Redford's inclusion of world cinema this year supplies much needed oxygen to the wheezing, gasping, corrupted festival.

In: A Man Named Wilmer. Are you honestly telling me, The Corsair, connoisseur of gossip (The Corsair sips a glass of Armagnac and smokes a Montecristo), sultan of snark, that Wilmer Valederama -- that swarthy geek of uncertain ethnic origin who sports a falsetto onscreen -- that (Averted Gaze, the following word said with Ugandan disdain) "Fez" on That 70s Show, not only dated and dumped "The Lindsay", "The Freckled Goddess," "Her CopperTop Majesty (The Corsair crosses himself)," but he also dated overproduced only-after-I'm-married pop princess Mandy Moore?

A man named Wilmer pulled that off is what you're telling me? No way. That significant cultural artifact Star Magazine says to our doubting, skeptical heart -- waaay:

"In a high-school-esque maneuver after being dumped by beau Wilmer Valderrama, pals of Lindsay Lohan have begun a rumor that the That '70s Show star was cheating with Mandy Moore and Ashlee Simpson weeks before the couple split.

"'There's a rumor going around from people close to Lindsay that Wilmer's been cheating,' a source close to Lohan tells Star. Another source says minutes after Wilmer, 24, gave Lindsay, 18, the boot on Nov. 6, the Freaky Friday starlet was on the phone blasting the man she once loved.

"Star has learned the rumor mongering from Lohan's clique is simply not true. Mandy and Wilmer dated previously, a source close to Lindsay tells Star. 'But he never cheated on Lindsay with Mandy.' Mandy, 20, and Wilmer stayed pals after splitting in March 2001 and had coffee after he dumped Lindsay."

So, let's get the proper order of operations down, first he had Coffee, then he had Mandy ... or something to that effect.

Out: Don and Diedre Imus. That racist Don Imus is an asshole goes without saying. It is what precise species of asshole that will here and now deduce. Don Imus' low calibre brand of Western States humor escapes us entirely. Perhaps my lack of inebriation and my college degree immunize me against understanding what Imus does that compels Viacom into giving him millions and powerful Washingtonians to listen to him daily. And the fact that his Imus', Dierdre, is dingbat is a de facto truism.

According to TheSmokingGun (link via Gawker), combined, they make a formidable duo of stupid:

"A New York woman who briefly worked as a nanny for Don Imus has sued the radio host for wrongful termination, claiming she was canned for bringing a harmless cap gun and pocketknife with her during a trip last Thanksgiving to the family's sprawling New Mexico ranch. Nichole Mallette, 24, also claimed in her New York State Supreme Court lawsuit ... that she was defamed when Imus later announced on his program that he had been forced to 'disarm' his nanny, whom he labeled as dangerous and a 'terrorist.'

"In her complaint, filed yesterday by the lawyer who represented the woman who recently accused Bill O'Reilly of various improprieties, Mallette claimed that she brought the cap gun with her so that she and Imus's five-year-old son could 'play cowboys' at the 4000-acre ranch. As for the pocketknife, Mallette noted that the 1-1/2-inch item was never unsheathed from a leather harness affixed to her belt. In her lawsuit, Mallette alleged that she endured 'frenzied questioning' by Imus and his wife Deirdre, who woke her at 1 AM to grill her about the pocketknife and the cap gun, which Mallette said she did not use nor show to Imus's son. After Deirdre Imus told her, 'Pack your things, you're terminated,' Mallette was escorted off the property at 4:15 AM by a ranch employee and the radio host."

Mixed: Arnold. The Corsair is of two minds over Arnold, speaking of Terminating. Ananova reports:

"Arnold Schwarzenegger says sexual harassment lessons have cured him of inappropriate behaviour towards women.

"The Terminator star was hit by 16 'sex pest' claims while running for the governorship of California.

"Although he denied being a serial groper, Schwarzenegger admitted there was 'no smoke without fire' and started an anti-harassment course.

"'I learned my lesson,' he told Vanity Fair. 'I had several harassment lessons ... I know now what can be said and what can't be said. Now I would not even tell someone I like their outfit. It could go south.'"

Going south? Hmmm. Why does that sound unspeakably filthy when uttered with a Lower Austrian accent? Why does this sound almost like barnyard activity he's describing and not an earnest apologia? Why does it seem like another fellow Austrian could diagnose what Arnold just did?

In: Joan Collins is Bald. According to The Independent, the proto-Nicolette Sheridan, bitch goddess Kali-diva:

"Joan Collins is alleged to be completely bald.The 71-year-old star is said to have been hairless for a number of years but has kept the fact a secret by wearing a wig.

"American writer Molly Jong-Fast makes the sensational claim in her new autobiographical book, Sex Doctors In The Basement.

"Jong-Fast - whose mother, feminist author Erica Jong, is close friends with Collins - claims she has exposed the former Dynasty star's secret as revenge for taunting her about being overweight when she was just 13."

A Zipless Fuck You, so to speak, no?

1 comment:

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