Above: Alright, she looks fabulous, but don't let this image fool you ... she is EVIL!
The Corsair has an odd little fixation on Kimora Lee Simmons. The Corsair likes to give the old bird "the ice." Where does The Corsair begin?
The vapid hysterics, the untaxed mind, the whole child-as-fashion-accessory thing, the aggressive name dropping, the really "big bones," the rampant ultramaterialism wholly without a mitigating interior dimension as a factor in her personality -- it all just comes together, so perfectly, so archly, quite frankly, in the bloated form that is Cremora, as The Corsair likes to call her when he is in a particularly adolescent mood (which he is in right now).
Cremora is almost like a Max Beerhbohm caricature come to life, lets call it ... Vapid Girl, yes -- let's.
So, imagine our surprise to find out that Kimora kindasorta has a blog. And that blog has got it going on -- if you are a future Green River Killer biding his time in bumfuck, Idaho!
The blog for her show Life & Style (don't worry if you haven't seen it, or heard of it, the show is on in most markets at, like, 1 AM, and will be cancelled before you can even look in the Tv Guide to find it) has lots of unsolicited commentary on Cremora, most adoring, some truly weird.
Let's just say Kimora attracts a, uhm, interesting crowd, like this "winner" named "Omaha Knoxville," who cannot possibly reside in a blue state, he just cannot:
"I'm a 28-year-old straight male who tries to watch the show on a daily basis, although it can be difficult being that it comes on at 1 AM here."
Okay, first of all, one does not acquit oneself well by staying up to 1AM weeknights to watch Kimora Lee Simmons. These are not the actions of the relatively sane. He continues,
"I'm a fan of both Kimora and Jules Asner. Rush is a genius and I'm thankful that Hip-Hop has someone like him within it and an equally entrepreneurial mate to match. Hip-Hop just might have died had Def Jam never existed. And I almost died when Jules left 'Wild On.'"
Okay, hold up just one moment right there (The Corsair takes out his sterile forensics CSI gloves and puts them on). There. Now, the first sign of a serial killer is an unsavory atachment to "Wild On," now -- having made that point -- lets continue ...
"Even with the gorgeous Brooke Burke taking over I was devastated I had such a huge crush. She has such a pretty, innocent smile."
Okay, serial killer warning sign #2, as you may have surmised, a reference to innocent smiles
*The Corsair shudders*
Oh yes, The Corsair is going to take you to a bad place today, true believers ...
"The reason that I'm writing is because on Wednesday's show there was a topic on how to fix 'booty' flaws."
Serial killer warning sign #3, the fixation with body parts ..
"I have to say that I strongly disagreed with fixing the one young woman who had a big booty? I think her name was Cynthia. Someone needs to tell her that a woman's booty cannot be too big! Her butt was fine as is and she should be thankful for such endowment."
"Thanks for this blog section... it's lovely.
"P.S. With all respect to Russell, Kimora, please wear more open toed heels... your feet are wonderful! Thanks."
Thanks for sharing, Omaha Knoxville! You had to leave us with that final morbid image of Kimora's manly feet, didn't you.
Sweet Jesus, this is what a Kimora Lee Simmons blogs does ... it summons up the bastard people.
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