Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Who Will Replace Dan Rather?

The media parlor game du jour -- who will replace Dan Rather? Grandfatherly Bob Schieffer says, Tim Russert, but, NBC would never let him go. Sort of like Bob Schiefer clinging to the unwatchable ratings-challenged Face The Nation.

Here are some of our unconventionalchoices:

Andrea Thompson (hott former CNN Headline News anchor, sophisticated, smart)

Former Senator Fred Thomson (red states love him (and, like Ben Stein, so do blue), gravitas, jack-of-all-trades, down with Harrison Ford, Law and Order actor)

Bryant Gumbel (grit and gravitas, a fighter, arrogant, intelligent, still has untapped news division mileage left, a melancholy waste on the golf courses, and, worse, the Media Siberia known as HBO Sports *The Corsair quietly weeps in his glass of Armagnac* )

Cokie Roberts (gravitas, a cool matronly presence whose image speaks of Puritain restraint, the amazing ability to speak with minimal lip movement, Ultimate DC insider)

Diane Sawyer (homey, comfortable presence, former boss Dick Nixon admired her hott legs, Master at "The Get")

Laurie Dhue (Fox TV anchor, just thought I'd toss this one in; Pros: Porny, lascivious lips; Cons: Porny looks may not play well in times of national emergency)

Abigal Vona (her deep grasp of international politics and domestic affairs is peerless, Have you ever heard her speak on Herodotus? You must. *The Corsair smiles, draws deeply on Montecristo*)

Of course Russert gets it, although he is an organization man who loves NBC, The Catholic Church and the Buffalo Bills -- not necesarily in that order -- he acnnot turn it down. There will be tears in the farewell, and then Chris Matthews takes over Meet The Press.

5 comments:

Bubbles, Ink. said...

NO WAY MATTHEWS GETS MEET THE PRESS. He's too vain to handle an "institution" with such history. Why do you think after all these successful years on cable, NBC will only use him in limited slots? He's a barking dog who hardly ever listens...that's not what MTP is all about. What ever happened to the Matt Lauer rumour? He'd be great in place of Rather.

Ron said...

I forgot LX is a MTP insider! I'm probably wrong about Matthews getting MTP, but you never know, standards are in decline. Could you imagine the centerpiece of the NBC Washington division headed up with Mr. Hardball?

Lauer is in the running, actually, unlike my choices, although he lacks the requisite helmet of hair. No word yet on whether CBS Master of the Universe, the sinister Darth Moonves will go for the balding pleasant Today Show host and break precedent.

Bubbles, Ink. said...

Eh, but what do I know? Ron, you might be right...insert Matthews to "spice up" (read: ratings plummet) MTP. But, MTP doesn't need spicing up. It needs Tim.

Ron said...

I'm definitely a Tim man. I can't see anyone matching his mixture of gravitas, genuine enthusiasm and down-to-earthiness as "The Russert."

Bubbles, Ink. said...

Ron, just got some scoop from a source at NBC that even if Tim is offered the job there is no way in hell he'd leave Washington for NY. That's the word around the control/green room. Also, Russert is NBC News Bureau Chief which, I'm informed, is actually a higher-ranking position than Brokaw's (and therefore Rather's).