Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Is Ryan Philippe the New Chad Lowe?


(image via district125)

Dear Ryan Philippe:

We love powerful, sexy women and have no problem if they wine us and dine us because we only make "boy money." Give us some bon-bons and cable and we'd gladly be, like you, a kept man. But -- and bear with us here -- there is something inherently funny about the Old Schoolishness of a soi-dissant Enlightened man who marries a woman who ultimately becomes more powerful than him, and then, well, you know, kinda has a media meltdown about it. So what if your wife has more social cachet than you do in Tinseltown? Behind closed doors you are both equal, right? We call this phenomenon -- of a man who has issues with his wife's power -- "The Lowe Score," after our favorite clout-challenged Chad Lowe.

The dimpled Chad, the lesser of two Lowe's, separated from Hillary Swank for reasons -- we'll wildly speculate -- that involved his wife's "wearing the pants." And if you observed Ryan Philippe's aggro behavior at the Globe's, you'll agree, he's got a serious "Lowe Score." Ryan: You looked like a cornered animal whenever the cameras panned to your table, bro.

Hitting/patting your wife on the back as if she were a linebacker is not cool. Neither is snuggling up with her (manning up with her, really), as if she were a frat brother at a keg-stand whenever the cameras rolled in for a close up.

Take it easy, Ryan Philippe. Reece Witherspoon is soft, delicate even. If she wins an award -- as she is likely to do at the Oscars -- there is no need to bodycheck her. Sure, the anxiety of lack of influence is strong; having it all recorded on camera adds to the tensions. But show restraint.

We wont entertain commentary on Ryan's leaping up and down when Joaquim Phoenix won, screaming "Pay up!" We'll chock that up to the open bar.

1 comment:

Matt said...

I'm not sure. I mean, was Chad Lowe ever more well known than Hilary was? Even when Hilary was "The Next Karate Kid"?