Monday, January 15, 2007

The Beefy Philistinism of Fergalicious


What is it about Fergie and, like, her -- how doers one say it? -- beefy philistinism (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)?

-- By which we mean the truly oily way in which she -- wink, wink -- refers to her sexual organs that makes us want to run out Rambo-style and get an AIDS test. Like, the rhapsodic evocation of her "lovely lady lumps," which, truth be told, was wa-a-ay more information than we were going after. Or, more disturbingly, we wonder what brought about the torrid evangelization of her "London Bridge (Whatever that is, true believers; whatever that".

What other metaphors can she come up with, or, more likely: Will she run out of sexual organs and have to go to her secondary sexual characteristics?

If so: Be afraid; be very afraid.

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