A Little of the Old In and Out



In: Madonna Needs a Recharge. According to the Herald Wire Services:

"(Madonna) is expected to visit graves of Jewish sages in northern Israel, as well as the Western Wall in Jerusalem and Rachel's Tomb, the traditional burial place of the biblical matriarch, in Bethlehem.

"'These are energy vortexes,' explained Rabbi Shaul Youdkevitch, head of the Kabbalah Center in Israel. 'It is known among Kabbalists that you can go there and recharge yourself with positive energy.'"

We can appreciate, what, with Swept Away and all, I think everyone needs a little "recharge" after sitting through that stinker. And why did The Corsair just ignore the guy on Broadway wearing aluminum foil in his hair that was discoursing -- mirabile dictu -- on the subject of "energy vortexes."

Out: The Asshole Who Staged the Sign-Ripper Baby Crying Episode. This dick has been doing this bit three times. Little fucker. He needs to take it on the road. Says Wonkette on all this hooplah:

"We love this serial sign-mutilator story -- staged child abuse is so much more interesting than studying fonts. Anyway, another blog is reporting that not only did Phil Parlock set up his kid to be terrorized, but did it without letting his family know. Surprise fake terrorizing! (Huh. Our childhood was a little like that. . . )

"I've learned that Phil Parlock, in an attempt to aid Bush in the state, had the incident staged. As far as I know, Parlock's family knew nothing of it. . . . [Blogger informant] Daisy, who also lives in Huntington, knows Phil Parlock and his family and she made it clear that they were 'very nice people.' I asked her why she thought Parlock would do such a thing, she mentioned that Parlock is 'very very Christian,' 'incredibly anti-gay..'"

In: Avril Lavigne. Contrary to what we (well, Hello! Magazine, really) reported, Avril Lavigne is not engaged. I mean: how could she be? What man would put up with her "kissing up on" Paris Hilton, "soulkissing" Christina Aguilera? (The Corsair pauses) Well, er, I mean, aside from me.

And she can't. And she won't. And she can't -- says Rush and Molloy:

"Avril Lavigne's flashing a big diamond ring - but boyfriend Deryck Whibley of Sum 41 is insisting the two are not engaged."

Out: The Weather Channel. Apparently, all these hurricanes and El Ninos and whatnots have made The Weather Channel's ratings skyrocket, whipping up all the sicky's who would otherwise be watching, one imagine's, those creepy history of the Russian Mafia or Biker Gangs on Discovery. But who, actually, is sitting there for hours-on-end riveted to the tube, fascinated by the "weather programming"? And, better question, do we really want to know. Do you really want to see what the person who has the dial on The Weather Channel 24/7 looks like? Me neither.

Somehow -- and I have no empirical evidence to back this claim up, I imagine an afternoon with the Weather Channel as being a prime activity in preamble to a brutal serial killing. The mindset of the woman or man with the patience to contemplate deeply, passionately, weather conditions in the South China Seas would, I believe, be not averse to preparing a secret dungeon in the Smokey Mountain region of the United States.

(Ed Note: The very cool Amanda comments that I'm being silly here. Probably. I just wanted to vent)

In: Vogue Gossip Tidbits. These juicy little morsels are addictive -- they go down easy, like:

"... DESPITE rumours that they don't get on, David Copperfield and David Blaine were spotted talking and laughing together in the front row of the Baby Phat show.

"... KATE MOSS and Jack Nicholson set the rumour mill a-whirl when they were spotted leaving Spice Island restaurant together.

"... SERENA WILLIAMS and Tyson Beckford were spotted having an argument before the Zac Posen show. 'I'm done with this conversation. Goodbye. Strike two,' Williams was heard to snap before striding away. Asked to elaborate on the conversation, she simply laughed.

" ... A teenager who grabbed supermodel Rachel Hunter's breast at a shopping mall may have to face the model's wrath as part of his sentence, according to Australian reports. The 16-year-old told police he was carrying out a dare."

Who knew?

Out: Tom Cruise. In encouraging Tom Cruise's endorsement of the urban lifestyle, I kind of went overboard. I lost my objectivity, what I like to call the Eye of the Snarker. It's in these moments of cognitive vertigo that a blogger wife is able to set me straight.

Thank you, fabulous Miu Von Furstenberg:

"This is the first in a series of reasons as to why I'm not a Tom Cruise Fan, even the new urban Tom Cruise (I'm sorry Ron)."

Then Miu gives solid reasons -- most notably his aggressive and obnoxious claims of heterosexuality -- as to why Tom is not as cool as I thought he was. As always, Miu is right. I was dreaming when I wrote this forgive me if it goes astray.