Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Judge Judy Morphs Into A Medici

(image via tjsdoubleplay)

(image via oneonta)

Is she is or is she aint "Medici"? Aiding Beelzebub in lowering the attention spans while simultaneously cheapening the tastes of the citizens of one of the great democracies in History is goddam thirsty work!

Quite profitable, too.

It is perhaps a sign of Scheindlin's inner Medici-ness that the scenery-chewing syndicated television titan "Judge" Judy Sheindlin (Averted Gaze), whose shrill, ham-fisted verdicts lambasting the stupid life decisions made by what can only be properly construed as peasants -- or, to be kinder, IQ-challenged -- is filthy, putrid rich. And, we cannot fail to note, she delivers those verdicts while covered in ermine -- or what television syndicator deems equivalent. Why not carry the whole Medici-metaphor to the next level? According to Forbes, her net worth is just south of $100 million. And what did she do with all that ill-begotten loot? Near as we can tell, she has used it to finally complete the first transformation of woman-to-Medieval burger. She pimped out her crib, Medici-style. From Cindy Adams:

"Judge Jerry Sheindlin's wife, Judge Judy, has a brand-new nice little place. The queen of the small screen built herself a stone castle maybe two bidets smaller than Buckingham Palace. Turrets, hand-forged iron gates, it lacks only a moat.

"The compound includes the guardhouse plus guesthouse, pool house, four-car garage, staff quarters, five acres of gardens with fountains, statues, benches, urns and a pond featuring enough koi or carp or flounder to feed the first seating at Le Bernardin.

"Give or take a roll of Charmin, it's 13 bathrooms with gold-plated fixtures, three floors, 24,000 square feet, eight bedrooms, including a 'snoring room' off the 75-by-42 master suite (should Jerry get noisy), 10 hand-carved marble working fireplaces, 26-foot-high ceilings, a conservatory without which no house should be and, says decorator Martin Kuckly: 'I did a hotel in Nantucket that's smaller.'

"Builder Mark Mariani calls the kitchen area/family room the largest in the state of Connecticut."

Perhaps she needs the greater maneuvering room because Justice is blind? In any case, we know who wears the petticoats in that baronial manor, eh Jerry Sheindlin? More here.

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