Why Anderson gets More Time



Our favorite pumpkinhead -- Larry King -- wondered aloud testily why Anderson "Rilke's Panther" Cooper gets more air-time than he. Beauty before Age? Some reasons off the top of our head:

--The tragically beautiful Anderson "Bust of Dying Alexander" Cooper does not toss softballs (On-air, at least)

--The continued on-air presence of Larry King reminds us of the disturbing truth that he regularly blasts loins with his long-suffering trophy wife Shawn Southwick (Karmic retribution, no doubt, for Shawn having spent a proximate lifetime as a Third World dictator, QED).

--Anderson "Michaelangelo's David" doesn't smell of .. sadness.

-- Do the rumors that Larry King wears "adult undergarments" factor into the on-air time debate? Depends.

-- Larry King, quite frankly, makes our eyes bleed (Mama says wha-a-at?!).

--If Larry King were indeed "Man-candy (Averted Gaze)" -- which he most certainly isn't -- he would be a moist Tootsie roll compared to Anderson Cooper's crunchy, chewy $100,000 bar (Two snaps and a neck roll for that one).

--Anderson Cooper doesn't reek of scam.

Just .. off the tops of our head.