Paula at the FiFi's



(image via queerty)

One might expect exemplary behavior at something called "The FiFi's (Averted Gaze)." It goes without saying, if you go in for that sort of thing (Slightly lifted eyebrow with an almost imperceptible recoil), that something called "The FiFi's" suggests .. a swishy affair. Enter: Paula Abdul, who, herself is not to be tossed aside lightly -- She must be thrown with great force. Says those intrepid Page Sixxies:

"At Thursday night's Fragrance Foundation 2007 FiFi Awards, held at the Winter Garden, the upbeat 'American Idol' judge was slotted to open the evening - but she arrived 30 minutes late, and a spy told Page Six she 'was so completely out of it' when she finally showed.

"'They had to delay the show for her to get there, and it was almost impossible to understand her . . . her eyes were half open,' the source said. 'She had to have two guys help her to her seat after she left the stage.'"

If the vacant, creepy smile permanently affixed to her slack maw wasn't enough of a tell of severe pharmacological excesses, it ought to have been the woozy public appearances or -- most recently -- the nose-busting chihuahua episode and, not to be fopgotten, the "whine and cheese" caught on tape that ought to have set off alarm bells.

Intervention? As Barbara Billingsley put it so charmingly in Airplane: "Chump don wan no help, chump don git no help." (NYPost)