Vixen! And We thought, wrongly, that we could escape from it all: let the week go by without doing a post on Paris, be Above-It-All.
Didn't happen.
Cuff her, and stuff her: says We. Oh, and BTW: The "fruit cocktail" sterno that, no doubt, she will be offered for her favors? It will not taste like her usual pink lemonade and vodka.
Paris, with wet cheeks; and, for the first time in her adulthood, these "wet cheeks" are facially situated. (image via thisislondon)
We laughed SO HARD when we read the account of Paris, veal-like, screaming at the Judge in the courtroom "IT'S NOT RIGHT!" ha, ha. We goddam CACKLED. Imagine the moxie. Paris: On" Justice". And we weren't aware that through all of our jadedness we were capable of producing such cackling.
It is indeed hard to muster tea and sympathy over the alleged claustrophobia of someone who has repeatedly used the N-word, earns tens of thousands of dollars to appear at parties and having, quite frankly, the flattest ass in the porn business (Averted Gaze).
Payback, as they say, is a bitch. Those same vacant eyes that laughed, absently, to the bloated "Greasy Bear" calling Lindsay lohan "Firecrotch" are now crying bitch tears, Paris.
Tears .. of Bitch (casts a level gaze of utter distaste).
And we, hungover, can only laugh and laugh -- ha,ha! ooh-la-la -- at all the fun, curious African-American "Friends," and "Acquaintances" and "Special Associates" that Paris will duly make in the pokey, asking for all sorts of favors and presents and commisary goods. The "Simple Life" just got a whole lot more complicated. Sure, there will be book deals afterwards, but for now, Paris is going to have to earn her pain. And Right here's where she starts paying ... in sweat! (Someone cue up the Irene Cara)
One final word of advice to Paris: Do NOT cut in front on the bathroom line. Prison, dear, is not Bungalow 8. Class dismissed.
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