A Little of the Old In and Out



Celebreality guru, the great Michael Hirschorn. (image via edge.org)

In: Celebreality. Unfortunately, The Corsair could not get VH1's most excellent programming whiz and celebreality guru Michael Hirschorn for a quote on our valedictory Razor Magazine column regarding the subject of Celebreality (My deadline clashed with his schedule). The subject, though, is ripe -- overripe? -- for darts and laurels and, ultimately, the requisite right and proper ex post facto media vivisection once the zeitgeist has passed us by entirely. As Wowreport writes:

"Fenton Bailey writes: It's so weird. Two articles, about the same thing, side-by-side in the New York Times this weekend. One is what seems to be an unprovoked evisceration of E!'s reality shows, comparing them to porn magazines. The other is a piece helping VH1 spin their latest celebrity-baiting series Breaking Bonaduce in their blatant attempt at pre-emptive damage control. Advance word is that the series is a little tough to watch as Bonaduce unravels in a psychotic suicidal melt down."

It should be noted that VH1 actually stopped filming at one point, when things got rough, out of concern for Bonaduce's "health." On the phenomenon of celebreality in general (which we at once are curious about, as in the case of Bobby and Whitney, and equally dread, as in the case of The Canseco), The Corsair writes for Razor:

"'Can I impregnate you tonight?' coos the ever-eloquent Bobby Brown; his moist, canine eyes glisten expectantly. To this torrid, and, fortunately for us, televised request, his beloved wife and all-around 'tenderoni,' Whitney Houston (The Corsair makes an obscene spliff-huffing sound before icily averting his gaze), responds, matter-of-factly, 'You tried to impregnate me all last week.' Charmed, we�?re sure. (The Corsair pops open a fizzy bottle of champagne) On that classy note -- welcome, dear readers, to Celebreality: the lowest rung on the show business food chain, exalted. (The Corsair lowers his tricorn pirate hat with flourish as he bows)."



(image via illutration-agency)

Out: Bret Easton Ellis. We lost about 16 hours of our lives last month reading "Lunar Park." (The Corsair mourns with a robust Ginsburgian howl at the existential loss of irretrievable Time) 16 precious hours that The Corsair will never get back. Ever. 16 precious hours spent contemplating just what the fuck a "Turby" is (Y-Bret; Y?). You owe The Corsair, bigtime! (The Corsair draws his broadsword, testily) According to LA Social Diary:

"Bret Easton Ellis celebrated his new novel Lunar Park, his fifth novel, at a party at the Chateau, hosted by Uma and Andre. A glamorous group gathered to help Bret launch his book, including Sex and the City hunk, Jason Lewis, who�?s been tapped to star in the film version of Ellis�? 1998 novel, Glamorama, along with his steady girlfriend Rosario Dawson. In November Rosario will be seen in the eagerly awaiting film version of the hit Broadway show, Rent. "



(image via worth1000)

In: Fitty Cent: Stalked. And, no, Vivica Fox is no longer stalking Fitty; and no, the New York City Gang Intelligence Unit is not looking for the New York Times bestselling author --we think. Although he appeared on Howard Stern today, footloose and fancy-free, this time it is drug dealers hunting after Fitty, as TheSmokinggun explains:

"Rapper 50 Cent told federal agents that he fears for his life due to a long-running dispute with a New York drug dealer facing charges that he was the secret power behind one of hip-hop's leading labels. The performer (real name: Curtis Jackson) survived a 2000 murder attempt that investigators (and Fiddy himself) believe was orchestrated by Kenneth "Supreme" McGriff, a convicted Queens druglord. A 2003 search warrant affidavit for the Manhattan offices of the Murder, Inc. record label contended that McGriff was still trying to whack 50 Cent and that he 'communicates with Murder, Inc. employees concerning the target.' Excerpts from the document, authored by IRS agent Francis Mace ... 'McGriff is tracking 50 Cent's whereabouts through his network of associates,' Mace alleged, with his cronies sending ad hoc surveillance reports to McGriff's pager, which was provided to him by the rap label, headed by McGriff's boyhood pal Irving Lorenzo (aka Irv Gotti). One such urgent field report to McGriff--sent by Lorenzo's brother Chris--noted the performer's presence in his old Queens stomping ground: '50 is in the hood guy r. brewer!'"

Yikes! More here.



(image via cinecultist)

Out: The LES. The Corsair hasn't been back to the Lower East Side of Manhattan since he turned 30. Too many "trustafarians" entirely without flava are ruining the vibe; too many cops with itchy summons fingers; too many firemen enforcing the anti-dancing cabaret law at, like, 3AM (at least this was so a couple of years ago). We prefer to get our drink-on nowadays in Hell's Kitchen, at decidedly unhip but unselfconsciously lawless locales such as Siberia (Think, "Fort Apache: The Bronx"), Bellvue Bar or, better yet, our favorite watering hole -- Dave's Tavern, for ogling the pretty waitresses en route to oblivion. Evidently, Moby, also growing up, is oh-so-over the Les, according to New York:

"Moby is leaving his longstanding Lower East Side existence for an Art Deco aerie on Central Park West, far from the teeming crowds of hipsters. The vegan musician and tea-shop proprietor got in with the help of recommendation letters from Charles Rockefeller, Nina Griscom, and Bono (who used to live in the building). A rep from his office confirmed that Moby recently closed on a $4.5 million deal for an unusual five-level penthouse formerly owned by an opera singer."



(humiliating image via Hello!Magazine)

In: Humiliating Japan. The Mandarins in Beijing take particular joy in using the internal distrust of Japan within The Great Wall as an opportunity to heap beligerent humiliation upon the tiny but powerful island nation which regards such concepts as "honor," and "face," as hallmarks of good neighbor diplomacy. The purpose of Chinese humiliation of Japan are, for our purposes here, twofold: One, it presages China's climb from rising power to dominant regional hegemony (which is their destiny); two, it serves as a brilliant distraction against the terrible social and psychological forcunleashedhed by rapid Chinese economic development. "Blame Japan." As Asia Times online relates:

"Japan's defeat, which ended World War II 60 years ago, is still coming in handy for the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) to claim a unique mandate to rule the country, as well as to emphasize external political needs.

"A series of lavish celebrations centered on the 60th anniversary of Japan's surrender - on September 2, 1945, and the formal surrender of China by Japan a week later on September 9 in Nanjing - seem aimed at buttressing the legitimacy of the CCP's power, acquired half a century ago.

"The celebrations could also be interpreted as designed to send a signal to Tokyo that Japan's treatment of history is only part of the problem of worsening Sino-Japanese relations.

"In particular, Tokyo's staunch support for self-rule in Taiwan continues to be seen by Chinese leaders as a barrier to turning a new page in bilateral ties in a year of boiling hostilities between the two countries. Mixing nationalistic pride and political rhetoric, Beijing marked the victory of what it calls the 'Chinese People's War of Resistance against Japanese Invasion' on Saturday, with a massive ceremony on Tiananmen Square, featuring a 60-gun salute and wreath-laying procession. The ceremony was attended by state leaders and about 10,000 people, including war veterans and party and government officials."

More here.