Jaron Lanier: The Physics of Ass



"What is the circumference of an ass cheek?" (image via edge.org)

The Corsair had almost -- almost -- forgotten about that slatternly Virtual Reality genius Jaron Lanier. Remember him? Oh, how could you forget, you, members of the chattering classes. Two words: "3-D Graphics."

In the age of irrational exuberance and Jolt soda, Lanier appeared on shows like Charlie Rose to expound upon, well ... we don't know quite why he was there, really, but he sure looked like a tech genius and talked a good game.

Jaron had that whole Star Trek loving, Milk Dud munching, sarcastic IT-guy 40-year old virgin vibe thing going, you know? There was something about him that fairly screamed techie visionary. If The Corsair had, say, a complicated computer question, Jaron Lanier would be the guy we'd turn to for some much needed aid. He so looks the part.

So imagine our surprise when we saw his post on the "HuffPost," stitching together, somewhat incoherently, nonexistent causal links between Supreme Court Chief Justice Rehnquist's death, Intelligent design, computer science and -- quixotically -- Hurricane Katrina! WTF?! And Lanier, to his credit, did so without even invoking the old CIA, the Freemasons or aluminum foil for that matter! Was someone, we ask, not taking their "meds" this morning?

Jaron Lanier sums up, solipsistically:

"These arguments are hard to sort out because the top-down/bottom-up dichotomy is genuinely puzzling. In computer science, we are constantly going back and forth about when a top-down or bottom-up approach will work better in a given information architecture or scientific simulation.

"A few weeks ago I was at a small meeting at a physics institute in which a Harvard law professor quizzed some scientists about such conundrums. Some of the most interesting physicists these days are interested in bottom-up approaches."

"Back and forth," "top-down," and "bottom-up" you say? At a "small meeting at a physics institute"? Well, hell: No surprises there. (The Corsair sparks a Galouises Blond) We are of the opinion that at any such "meetings" of "physics institutes," (Averted Gaze) after the initial conversational momentum of whether or not Captain America's shield could withstand the attack of Wolverene's claws wears off, inevitably and invariably (exhales), the conversation devolves into an sordid inquiry into the subject of Ass.

And, sustaining long distance relationships with girlfriends in Canada.

Huffington Post.