A Little of the Old In and Out



(link via ABC)

In: Literacy. While a democracy without an educated public is a sad thing indeed, TheSmokinggun's latest offering does not inspire confidence in the state of our union. Some of the letters sent in to the "city fathers" and police in Duluth, GA regarding the "Runaway Bride/Thief" with the saucer-eyed blank Paris Hilton gaze are downright scary, like this winner from one Randy McDonald:

"Hey you inbreeds The bride dident start the man hunt His family did If anyone should go to jail it is him. In the United States a adult should be able to go anywhere they chose without fear of a FBI manhunt. There is no evidence of a crime and yet you fools created one and are now going to try and hold her responsible for your overreaction? The way you guys think it is no doubt the south will never rise agien"

Sounds like a C-Span call in program. Yeah, that's the reason, Randy; although the Senate and House leadership would contradict that the South is in some fallen position. But we digress: Also cause for some mirth: The Christian, "...She best watch the good ole boys in these parts," and, "the woman got disoriented ... by the phallic wedding," finally, the preacher who calls it like he sees it: "cheapskate uncles and aunts dripping with dogwood blossoms."



(link via q101)

Out: Terry Hatcher Versus Mort Z. According to New York Magazine, all those photos of The Desperate Housewife and that tatooed guy were, well, here Jada Yuan explains:

"Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher operates publicist-less, which means she has to go after the press herself. Last week, the tabs linked her to a 'boy toy,' fashion photographer Jim Macari.

"When we called to ask about rumors that he was mad about it since he has a girlfriend, she left a message: 'It would be lovely if you could be a human being that would actually print something true.' So what was wrong? 'First of all, I wasn?t with the people they listed, like Lizzie Guffman [sic]. I wouldn?t recognize them if you put them in front of me.' She confirmed she and Macari were dancing that night, but claimed she didn?t know his romantic status?though he did call her around nine on the morning of his paparazzi christening, shocked.

"'I literally answered and said, I'm so sorry, " said Hatcher, who was en route to a Tribeca Film Festival panel. Turns out Daily News owner Mort Zuckerman was there, and she gave him 'quite a bit of shit. You know, "How can your paper print an article that's completely full of erroneous crap?" And he goes, "Well, but look at how good you look in the picture.?"

Winner: Zuckerman, unbound and his unstoppable charm offensive (But he loses "CP" points for lack of loyalty to a very cool employee); but we'd still rather party with Terry Hatcher..



Above: Cin A, *Her Pimp Hand ... Is Strong!* (image via Boston.com)

In: Cindy Adams. Cindy Adams is a psychic, an oracle of splendiferous dish, a de-obfuscator; Cindy Adams is so clearly not a picklehead, like The Corsair previously believed:

"LAST week you read reports that Cameron Diaz was marrying J.T. ? which obviously meant her longtime kindergarten boyfriend Justin Timberlake ? in France next week. You then read their instant denials. You then figured: Aha! Oho! They're just deliberately putting everyone off the track with these rebuttals so mankind will not then believe said rumors. You big brains all thought to yourselves: 'These two think we're nitwits, right? They think they can pull the bull over our eyes, right?'

"Calm yourselves, kiddies. Mother will unravel this for you. In showbiz there exists another real live male with the same known initials. Name's Jonathan Taylor. Nickname 'J.T.' Executive producer of 'The Osbournes.' And he is getting married. Next week. In France. Only his lady's name is Annie. And, by coincidence, celebrities are attending. Like Sharon and Ozzie.

You're welcome.

Oh, Cindy. The Imelda Marcos and pro-right wing dictator shoutouts notwithstanding: How could we have been so wrong about you?