Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Brad and Angela's Moist Hott Monkey Sex Tour (TM)

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(image via VNN)

What is Africa? As Paper Magazine's Mr. Mickey once told me, dryly, Africa is "A freak with two 'A's'" Too true. Africa is "sessy," no two ways about it, with a touch of the freaknasty. Even if The Star (Averted Gaze; exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) has an incredibly bad reputation -- with The Corsair at least -- on their ethics and attributions in print, but the overall sexiness of Africa, and the story, exonerates them. Africa. The lush vegetation, the animal noises, the verdant smells the ... sheer abbondanza of it all! (The Corsair sips some Ugandan banana liqueur, "Waragi")

It's enough to move even the world's most beautiful couple in the world make "moist, hot monkey sex" sounds, according to Page Six:

"BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie made so much noise during an animalistic sex session at their Kenyan love nest that security rushed to their room, Star magazine claims. The celeb-obsessed weekly � which breathlessly dubs the Pitt/Jolie affair 'the romance of the century' � quotes an insider at the luxury Alfajari Villas beach resort as saying the couple's loud lovemaking 'sounded like a wounded animal, like someone being killed!'"

Brad (Oscillating wildly under Jolie, who is slowly kneading Pitt like sourdough): Come on, Angie ... what's in the boooooxxxx! What's in the boooooooxxxx..... (Moist sounds of love)

Alarmed Guard: What is that, Mero?
Meroe: Dreadful. It sounds like a wildebeest being ambushed by hyenas! It is in great pain. We must do something.

(From the walls) What's in the boooooxxxx..

Alarmed Guard: (worried) Let us go check it out ...

"According to Star, 'worried guards grabbed their weapons,' rushed to Pitt and Jolie's suite and 'hammered furiously on the door with their clubs.' Suddenly, the screams stopped, and Pitt's voice was heard from inside the $2,000-a-night villa. 'Everything is cool guys,' he supposedly said. 'You can leave � we're OK.' Star reports it found an entry in the Alfajari's 'disturbance log' at 2 a.m. on April 20. 'People here have great respect for men with sexual prowess who keep their women pleased,' the mag quotes an 'onlooker.' Even better, 'another local' relates, 'Miss Jolie got so excited, the guards thought maybe Mr. Pitt was taking juju herbs to give him the strength of a lion.'"

How implausible does this story sound? "Juju herbs," indeed! Another case of "Star Magazine" ethics in journalism?

6 comments:

Peggy Archer said...

Good thing they're both really good looking - otherwise that would have made me bleach my brain..

It doesn't sound plausible, though.

maybe they really were killing an animal.

Vivky said...

lol, I had a good laugh at that and peggy's reply.

As much as I'd love to hear Brad and Angelina are together, I can hardly beleive the "romantic tryst" pagesix reports.

I can beleive Jolie doin the animal sex w/ some actor, but not Brad. Its out of character for him.

Plus, for two humanitarians who so fights against hunger and poverty, renting out a lavishly expensive villa seems like one step forward, two steps back.

Ron said...

and it is star magazine. However, according to page six, Brangelina are having a party in the Greek isles on Saturday.

Julie said...

I have the playgirl with Brad Pitt in it from several years ago. He really doesn't have THAT much to work with really. He is beautiful - But with what is in his pants - I wouldn't want him.

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Meet African Women said...

Very good looking