A Little of the Old In and Out



(link via SUNY/Albany)

In: John Simon. The Corsair is sorry to hear that our favorite Illyrian gangster, theater critic John Simon is leaving New York after 37 years (And Mamet takes his shot via The Huff). We were a fact checker at New York back in 1995, and met the aforementioned John Simon, who was anything but cool. He was a courtly gentleman, preferring to stand for about nearly an hour, while The Corsair factchecked his copy at his desk rather than dislodge us from the chair which we were occupying (In those days, New York always had an eccentric "chair" to "employee" ratio; when we watched the historic OJ verdict in Kurt Andersen's office, 90 percent of the staff either stood or lay doggo on the floor). That's why this story on John Simon's surliness in Lowdown struck The C as kind of, well, odd:

"I hear that wags at New York magazine - whose editor in chief, Adam Moss, just fired theater critic John Simon - fondly remember the politically incorrect Simon's off-the-cuff pans in the office. 'Sheer faggotry!' is how he's alleged to have dismissed more than one show in his heavy Slavic accent. On another occasion, apparently angry at a fact-checker who fiddled with his copy, Simon is supposed to have shouted: 'I will kick him in the testes, and if she is a female,' well, same general area. Yesterday the 79-year-old Simon told me: 'I never said any of those things - it's baloney,' and added: 'This might be their attempt to besmear me.'"


Above: Washington DC. We shall know their velocity. (image via wonkette)

Out: "Take off your shoes and Run." Washington DC is not a place where buff and tanned bodies need apply. Power is the only coin in Babylon. When The Corsair thinks of DC, lines like "vast expanse of pasty skin," and "in need of a robust multivitamin" immediately come to mind. "Running" is a verb used only with regards to a campaign, during which black SUVs are the preferred mode of transport.

That having been said, it is particularly amusing when events conspire in such a way that the inhabitants of that imperial city are forced to briskly pick up the pace and haul ass. Like yesterday covered by The Washington Post (link via Drudgie Poo):

"'Move, move! This is not a drill!' police officers shouted repeatedly as senators in suits and sightseers in shorts scrambled down marble staircases to the sunlit sidewalks surrounding the Capitol.

"Some walked slowly to Union Station, taking out their cell phones and conducting business as usual. Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.) shuffled in the afternoon heat, leaning against a pole and pausing to catch his breath.

"House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) was literally lifted out of her pinkish high heels by Capitol Police in a hallway outside the House chamber. One shoe was later found; the other remains missing."

Of course the scare was only an unidentified, unauthorized but harmless two seat plane. But, Dear Lord, to jhave seen Ted Kennedy in mid-sprint, sock-suspenders exposed, life flashing before his bloodshot eyes; or Pelosi hoisted aloft like a laughing toddler; or, for that matter, to see Congressman Charlie Rangel, busting his man-girdle in the rush! And this:

"Tourist Ryan Bower, 24, from St. Joseph, Mo., was in the Senate chamber when the chaos commenced.

"'We were watching the session. All of the sudden, guards came into the chamber and told all the senators to start running,' Bower said.

"'Everyone was evacuated equally. It was like a dead run. I found myself running with Senator [Patrick] Leahy and other senators,' Bower said of the Vermont Democrat."

The Boston Herald says otherwise of Teddy K:

" As thousands of startled lawmakers and staffers rushed to evacuate the Capitol, Kennedy (D-Mass.) coolly mapped his own private escape route to The Monocle, a clubby restaurant favored by pols and lobbyists for decades.

"While panic gripped much of Capitol Hill in the wake of yesterday's security scare, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy opted for salad and some ice tea."

Ice tea? Not Chivas Regal? That's got to be fake. And:

"U.S. Rep. Stephen F. Lynch (D-South Boston) was nearly run over by Democratic congresswoman Loretta Sanchez, who tossed away her shoes and sprinted barefoot away from the House chamber amid a throng of folks scrambling for a hasty getaway.

"'I saw Loretta Sanchez go screaming by at about a buck-eighty,' said Lynch.

"'There was some serious tension. It was alarming to see all those folks running at a dead run.'"

A Latina with arroz con pollo in the trunk made a Southie eat her dust. Priceless. We cannot wait to hear what Gore Vidal makes of all this thusness on Bill Maher's Real Time tomorrow night.



Above: Helen Gurley Brown and Ellen V. Futter at "Dinosaurs: Ancient Fossils, New Discoveries." This one is too damn easy.

In: These Lovely Bones. Our favorite social chronicler, David Patrick Columbia (Who, incidentally, we hear had quite the killer show last night) covers the monied classes at "Dinosaurs: Ancient Fossils, New Discoveries" at the Museum of Natural History in NYSocialDiary today.

Out: The Cut. The Corsair has previously had nice things to say of Tommy Hilfiger. But this new idea, "The Cut," which borrows -- heavily -- from the success of Heidi Klum's Project Runway ... is not something that a public company ought to be doing. It goes without saying. According to Fashionweekdaily:

"As with PR, The Cut searches for America's next great designer through a series of fashion and business challenges. Like the Project Runway cast, the Cutters will live together in a Manhattan residence and mug for camera crews for the next 16 weeks.

"But while Project Runway offered a cash prize and an apprenticeship with Banana Republic, The Cut looks to aim higher. Its grand prize reward? The chance to design a whole collection under the Tommy Hilfiger label.

"... The series premiers June 9 at 8 pm on CBS. "

Hm. Okay, so, like, if the line fails -- which it likely will -- thus eating up company revenues, further imperiling the Hilfiger brand, are shareholders allowed to "choke a bitch"? Or, how about we run up on Tommy Hilfiger and (Averted Gaze) "do a Rambo." 'Cause, like, that would only be par for the course; playing with The Corsair's money is like playing with our emotions.



(image via GTN)

In: Sir Harry Evans. A touch of Harry in the night? Sir Harry now has an opportunity to get out of that musty study in that duplex we hear so much about and shine a little. Stretch those legs. Work it, girlfriend. According to The Guardian (link via IWantMedia):

"The BBC has chosen former Sunday Times editor Sir Harold Evans to take over its Radio 4 slot vacated by the late Alistair Cooke.

"Since Cooke died in March last year at the age of 95, there has been uncertainty about whether the Letter from America programme, which the legendary broadcaster presented for 50 years, would continue.

"But the BBC confirmed yesterday it had approached Sir Harold to take over.

"A spokeswoman said the corporation was in talks with Sir Harold and that it was 'hopeful' of striking a deal, while stressing no contracts had yet been signed.

"After Cooke's death Helen Boaden, then the controller of Radio 4, said the BBC had decided against finding a replacement on the basis that 'Alistair was unique.' The feeling was echoed by Sir Harold last night who said Cooke was irreplaceable and he was aware the BBC didn't want some 'pseudo clone.'

"Speaking from Ohio, where he is on a tour promoting his latest book, he said: "I think Alistair Cooke, well he is sui generis."

"There's a possibility that I might do it, but it's no more than that at the moment."

Oh, for the love of God, Harry, please do it. You know you'd be super at it, and -- don't you think the whole coffee table book genre (Exagerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) has --er -- exhausted itself?



(image via nbccableinfo)

Out: Dennis Miller. First, CNBC's Tina abruptly announces her last Topic A show is at month's end. Now, hairplug advocate (and consumer) Dennis Miller gets the axe in the breadbasket. At The Huff, a newly unemployed Dennis Miller Show producer has an arch inner monologue (in green) over his former boss, the CNBC President's canellation-consolation email:

"I wanted to let you all know that we will be expanding our signature Business Day programming into Primetime on the East Coast and will be adding an additional airing of 'Mad Money with Jim Cramer' at 9 p.m. ET/PT."

Wait a minute. That's my time-slot.

"We will be introducing a new Business Day program at 7 p.m. ET sometime in the Third Quarter. I will share additional details about this program in the coming weeks."

Forget the Third Quarter. What's happening now? How about a few more additional details re: that first paragraph?

"Dennis is an exceptionally talented comedian with an unmatched wit and he and his team consistently delivered a very entertaining program."

What's this? Flattery?

"I want to personally thank Dennis, Eddie Feldmann and their entire group."

In an email?

"... CNBC is a trusted, real-time investor network and our viewers rely on us for actionable information wrapped in the most compelling business stories of the day".

Does this count as one? More.



(image via TheA-List.org)

In: Pop bitch. This week's gossip includes:

"Which colourful US female popstar has a secret lesbian love in London? Whenever she's in town, the star likes to get the party started with her record company lover. Both girls have a thing about bikers: the popstar dates them, while the SonyBMG girl has a copy of Hard Dykes On Bykes on her laptop."

Hmm. Who could the "colorful" popstar be? Could it be "Pink," of the colorful name who has dated "biker" Corey Hart? Ashlee? Who is it?

And this little chestnut via a tipster: "SG writes:

"One of my friends is working in post production on the movie Herbie, which stars Lindsay Lohan and a VW bug. After the third or forth test screening, the Disney execs came to the conclusion that Lindsay's breasts were too big and some necklines were too low.

"So they have spent millions of dollars on CGI effects to raise her necklines and lower her cup size. But the best part is the dvd the graphics people sent comparing the before and after breasts. Her breasts went from mountains to molehills in nanoseconds over and over again."



Out: Cameron Diaz. Alleged Shame (image via TheSun). According to The Sun:

"JUSTIN Timberlake's bride-to-be Cameron Diaz has been caught snogging a married man.

"The Hollywood babe, 32, was spotted in a clinch with the TV producer while her pop star fianc� prepared to go into hospital for a throat operation. Witness Oscar Duran said: 'Cameron wrapped her arms around the guy and started kissing him on the mouth. They stood kissing for a good three minutes.'

"Cameron and producer Shane Nickerson, 33, who works on her MTV travel show Trippin have enjoyed more than just a professional relationship, according to a US magazine.

"Mr Duran told how he saw the pair emerging from the Oracle Post studio in Santa Monica where Trippin is dubbed and stop behind bushes in broad daylight.

"He said: 'They seemed to glance around to see if anyone was watching.'

"Mr Duran confessed: 'I was surprised they would stand there in public on the sidewalk kissing.'

"Nickerson's wife Elisa is a high school teacher. They have a one-year-old daughter Lucy."

Oh no she didn't! Allegedly, according to TheSun.