Tuesday, May 31, 2005

A Little of the Old In and Out


(image via MSNBC)

In: Razor Magazine. In this month's Razor Magazine, FishbowlNY Contributing Writer Christian Moerk's excellent meditation on "The Death of Old Media," or, "How the Internet killed Dan Rather." Also this month, Richard Dreyfus, new CFR member, writing about his pal, American Icon Steven Spielberg; The Summer Survival Guide and The Corsair's latest column, "How Jon Stewart Saved America." Here's a taste:

"Watching The Daily Show is a blast (The Corsair pours himself a glass of the bubbly). Our Mark Twain, Jon Stewart, is the hippest kid in the Chattering Class (sips the champagne). The merry pranksters at The Daily Show treat their classmates -- the mainstream media and the mandarins of Georgetown -- to a proper paddling five days a week. And, despite the luscious ass slaps, the swishy set still clamors for an invite. Tarts!

"... For example, pseudo-reporter 'Dick Ironbody,' (The Corsair averts his gaze) played so ably by Rob Corddry, crashes press conferences on grave social issues as a costumed, seedy, news correspondent. Corddry brings to the role a filthy 70s reporter energy. He is as appealing as an oyster sandwich on a hot summers day. One half expects Ironbody to ask the luckless politician caught in his crosshairs, 'Hey, baby, what�?s your sign?' Equally plausible would be Ironbody spontaneously performing 'The Hustle,' ... effectively sapping all dignity from the room.

"Further along, on the 'angry red' side of the Daily Show kaleidoscopic spectrum is the acerbic Lewis Black. Black explodes on cue, blasting away at the latest mainstream media incompetence with moral outrage �? outrage! (The Corsair lights up a Macanudo Robust Baron de Rothschild) The accurately named Black does his best impersonation of a stroke victim choking on a plate of 'beef cheeks' when delivering these spastic monologues."


Above: "When the Jews return to Zion/And a comet fills the sky/And the Holy Roman Empire rises/Then you and I must die." Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, The Desolate One. (image via Harvard)

Out: The Glorious Evil of Governor Mitt Romney. Cue to the Theme from The Omen. There is something so gloriously and unapologetically evil about Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney -- 666 -- that it's almost refreshing. Even his name pronounced trippingly on the tongue tastes like blood. Not since Lucifer fancied himself more competent than the "naive" Semitic God has a political player been so audacious in his "nightmoves."

Oftentimes, The Corsair has been moved --rhapsodically -- to compare Governor Romney to the dark John Hoynes on The West Wing. Piffle! The fictional Hoynes wouldn't last a minute with the ubersatanic Romney, a man whose overarching dream is to be President, but can he do so with those pronounced cloven hooves? We shall soon know his velocity. Check this out on The Governor's "evolving" (Averted Gaze) views on abortion choice for women, from Boston.com:

"Governor Mitt Romney recently told USA Today he is 'in a different place' on the subject of abortion. He declined to elaborate, but the ''place" he is in is a confusing one and has been for a long time.

"As a recent article in the conservative American Spectator concluded: ''As the 2008 GOP nomination contest approaches, many Americans will be watching to see if Mitt Romney is another abortion waffler, or if he has just been holding back all these years.' The Spectator labels Romnepro-choicece, but the author expresses the hope that Romney's position was nothing more than a ruse to win election in liberal Massachusetts."

Altogether now, say it with me then shudder: "Eeeevill."

So therapeutic, people; when we say it in tandem The Corsair feels exorcised. But that's nothing. Although his wife suffers from Multiple Sclerosis: Mitt Romney vetoed a stem cell research bill in Massachusetts.

Altogether now, we shall sing the them to The Omen: ho-ho: Antichrist!


Above: The "sublime" marriage of reformed pimp Ice T and his overripe wife, Coco. (image via Showbizireland)

In: A Little Ice T, A Little "BJ." It's summer, unofficially at least. And what says summer more emphatically than a little cool Ice T here, a little "Bj" there, and a splash of "Coco" in the night. Allow me to explain the last part in that curious series. According to Lloyd Grove's Lowdown:

"Lowdown hears that the 47-year-old 'Law & Order: SVU' star was serviced by his busty blond wife, Nicole (Coco) Austin, and an unidentified brunette woman, in full view of witnesses the other night at the Meatpacking District club NA."

The Corsair will refrain from making the obvious "meatpacking-beej" remark. Too easy. We set the bar higher. We have to answer to a Higher Authority.

"(Ice T's manager) added: 'It's just some club trying to play you for some publicity. Ice-T and Coco are not what you would call demure, so if this were legit, they'd say, 'We got a little buck crazy.'

Well, (Averted Gaze) rhymes with "buck" would be more accurate ..

"But according to witnesses, the 25-year-old Coco, a former swimwear model, and the brunette took turns under the tabletop of a back-room VIP banquette.

"'He was just layin' back, taking a photo of it here and there with a disposable camera,' a witness said. 'He seemed kinda halfway into it, and halfway business as usual.'

"...'Not everyone saw it,' explained a second witness. 'But if you were standing right there, you could see it.'"


(image via gfx)

Out: Hugh Hefner Reality Show. With all due respects to the old man and his labors, we eschew this sordid little enterprise thoroughly. It reeks of "louche." A Hugh Hefner reality show might have been a viable sell, oh, 20 years ago on -- say -- Showtime.

Now? Do we really need to see B-Listers and rappers and all sorts of seedy sports stars "humping" the bunnies at bacterial velocity in the grimy grotto, as the prototype of the Methuselan rake eggs them on with a wink of the ... "rheumy" eye and a Pepsi and Viagra cocktail in hand?

We'd ... really rather avoid thosproceedings if it's all the same with you, Junebug. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) Really and truly, we would. According to WENN (link via Iwantmedia)

"Playboy founder Hugh Hefner is planning to expose his private life in an upcoming reality show.
"The 79-year-old mogul, whose rotating list of blonde girlfriends and wild parties at his Playboy Mansion are among the most talked about subjects in Hollywood, is currently in talks to let curious fans see what really goes on in his life.

"He says, 'We're very close to (reaching a deal). I think that's we'll be doing one. It's premature to talk about it, but I think it's a very real possibility.'"

As if Bill Maher needs the extra exposure.

In: Gawkerist Sells Out. The Corsair has been meaning to write about Gawkerist, that witty attention-seeking send up of Gawker. But, in this fast changing world of bloggers, the artist formerly known as Gawkerist has already been appropriated and absorbed by the onslaught of the Denton Media Empire (TM). Chris Mahoney is going to guest edit Gridskipper for a week. Young Manhattanite archly called this bad dog early.

This would be a total case of selling out if there weren't such a delicious cae of vertigo inducing "meta"-nausea about it all, no?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The Numbers On Romney

Willard: 7
Mitt: 8
Romney: 9

Whole Name: 6
Whole name and b-day: 6
Candidacy date: 6
Age this year: 6

Just sharing. I'm sure he's not Satan.