An Open Pitch To Mark Burnett

Mark, baby:

Have I got a pitch for you. Are you ready. Hold on to your socks, cause here's the concept: Kids Fight Club.

Are you still with me?

I know a media savvy guy like you observed the kudos given out to the SNL Fear Factor Junior parody. Cute, but it has a poverty of vision operating here. Now, Kids beating the snot out of each other? Have you ever seen kids in the schoolyard at lunchbreak. It's like Ovitz in his prime, Mark. This is cutting edge. This is bigger than the two of us, Mark. I'm talking "babies with rabies."

"The tribe has spoken," is the tagline for Survivor. "You're fired," is the Apprentice. And what do we run with?

"Two kids enter ... one kid leaves."

Who to host? We go with a no name. Kids further down the show business food chain are more pliant. Eager. There are a million hungry stage mothers on the Upper West Side willing to kill for this.

We do this right and we could build a franchise. I'm talking amateur kids fight clubs at Disneyworld, Mark, fucking Hershey, PA.

We shoot around Manilla for the summer. They don't have issues with a little kid-on kid-violence in that part of the world, Mark. In fact, we could use some of the "local talent" to spice up the show. Don't get your panties in a bunch, I know what I'm doing. Kids with bamboo sticks, Mark, hows that for attracting eyeballs?

Press? If we get the edgy crowd on our side, we're safe. Baby smackdowns are beyond good and evil: it's controversial. And if the John Stossels of the world get in our grill, we go Zen. Fall back. Tell 'em we're just cultural anthorpologists with digital cameras and Kraft Services. Fuck 'em. Does the oak flinch at the bamboo shoot?

Take it to heart, Mark; this is money in the bank.

Call me?

The Corsair (Brand new posts here)