A Bit of the Old In and Out

In: Brian Lamb reads at least 52 books a year. In today's WashingtonPost.com chat, everyone's favorite and cuddly government geek confessed, "I read a book a week, 52 guests a year." Now, why did we already suspect that interesting little piece of info? The next time we need setting straight on the administration of James Knox Polk, Bri Guy will be the one we talk to first.

Out: Curry in a hurry; the flavors of Bombay. Michael Caine is opening a curry restaurant. Why does a 71 year old British Lord, wealthy beyond all measure, famous, and still getting acting roles want the bother with the spice? I can't tell you, but Ananova notes, "Sir Michael, 71, said: 'I have been out of the restaurant business for quite a few years.

"'This particular project is the first venture that has excited me enough to get back into the business, and I am really looking forward to it.'"

Sounds excellent (said with a high sarcasm), now why don't you get me some mango chutney to go with this flavorful feast?

In: Happy April Fool's Day/ Happy Birthday: Novelist Milan Kundera turns 75 today. Born on April Fools Day? Draw your own conclusions, keemo sabe.

Out: Tina Brown on Richard Clarke's 9/11 Commission testimony. "... His was a reality show, but it was also reality. People may have had a hard time identifying with Paul O'Neill's abortive adventure at Treasury -- a high-priced CEO who made a bad career choice, he never lost the aroma of the boardroom -- but Clarke, for all his scary IQ, is somebody we recognize. Every office has someone like him, a super-competent guy whose big, square, argumentative head you learn to dread when it appears around the door announcing bad news."

"Big, square argumentative head"? Hey, sister (balls up fists, acts punchy, like Robert Blake in Baretta), you better watch-who-you're-talking-to with that (struts) fake Upper Crust British Accent! My head's not big ... it, just -- you know -- it has to contain a lot more info than regular folks, like. Yeah, that's it; that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

And just what (cattily) precisely does the aroma of the boardroom smell like, huh? Teen spirit? My guess: hookers and blow.

In: The Passion of The Mel. Cindy Adams relates the latest Mel Gibson quote involving violence and martyrdom, from the People Magazine 30th Anniversary issue. His defining moment? "Watching his toddler Hannah toddle onto a street 'with traffic flying by.' He "knocked old ladies out of the way, ran through glass cabinets, jumped over everything and grabbed her just as she was stepping into the street. I think I s- - - my pants."

Nice image, Mel.

Out: Jocelyn, "The Cat Lady" Wildenstein. Why are they letting this woman into fashion week events? Is it fashionable to mutilate oneself? Her claws may scratch the tents! Does she mistake the true meaning of the catwalk? Fashionweekdaily ran a quickie interview (and please feel free to linger and observe the hideous freakishness of her leonine visage in that link) at LA Fashion Week, "Fashweek: What pieces did you like? Lion Lady: I love it! I love it! It�s all related to Africa. It�s very exciting!'�

*Ugandan-born blogger Ron Mwangaguhunga begins to shiver uncontrollably ... *

In: Hirschfeld spoofs Jim Romenesko. For those of you who can't get enough of meta-media navel gazing, and I can't, here's an ironic twist and a link to editor Lou Grant's blog. Most best:

"Howell Raines signed a three figure deal with Reaganbooks to pen the inside story of his stewardship of the New York Times as managing editor. 'I've been holding back, but this will let me lift the veil on the Grey Lady and how the bitch led me on but never put out for my genius,' he said. The initial printing of 50 books is slated for early winter of '05."

That Old Grey Lady: la donna e mobile.

Out: The New York Press. As someone who used to write for them, I know whereof I speak when I say that the New York Press is irrelevant. Worse, they seem to be under the illusion that blogs are the irrelevant, and they are still influential. The Press attacks Choire Sicha, Elizabeth Spiers, and basically all of us, through Lloyd Grove, who sometimes reports on the blogosphere.

The Corsair passes by filled boxes on the sidewalks of Manhattan, and I have not for years now seen anyone taking one, or even carrying one with him on his travels. Back when it was cool, The Press was a factor.

Again, as someone who has written for The Press, trust me. It has become an Eastern European literary rag.

In: Fashion designer Jenni Kayne made a big impression on LA's fashion week. Accordijng to Fashionweekdaily, "She�s only 21, but Jenni Kayne � the FAO Schwartz heiress-turned-designer � pulled in fashion week�s hottest crowd to date, and her clothes stood up to her star power."

And star power she has ... just ask Dustin Hoffman, who brought his whole family to check out her show "'My son Jake went to high school with Jenni,' ... I left the John Kerry benefit to come here with my kids and support her. I even missed Kerry�s speech.'�

Out: Me, apparently; I'm out. Anonymous Outsider puts me in my place. Okay, so I love Michael Musto's column and have been a reader for nearly a decade. Boy-o-boy, did he get me (throws in the towel). Oh well (smiles), I'll work hard in the next few months to "regain the eye of the tiger." Anonymous Outsider does a nice job on the media, check him -- or her -- out here.

In: The very cool Old Hag and me are both looking forward to Tom Perrotta's new book, Little Children.

Out: The It Bag. I'm not sure what that means, but my guess is that it has something to do with Louis Vuitton. Joel Schumacher, the man who singlehandedly destroyed the Batman movie franchise waxes metaphysical on fashion, "Who picks the 'It Bag'? My friend Minnie Driver told me the designers pick out about 12 girls and give them the bag. And then everybody wants it -- then they make it scarce. Is that true? Does that really work? Is that all there is to it? The movie business should try that."

Oh yeah, well my pal Minnie Ho said casting Clooney as Batman was a sucky executive decision.

In: Costars fucking. Call me naive, but I never got how actors could slip in and out of the beds of their costars, now -- voila! -- Mickey Knox, in The Good The Bad and the Dolce Vita (published, ironically by Nation Books, as in Nation Magazine) gives the most solid explanation:

"Sooner rather than later costars fuck. It makes life much easier working together, rubs the rough edges off ego clashes, and together they have the power to protect themselves against the vagaries of the director or producer."

Now I understand Hollywood.