A Little of the Old In and Out

In: The Friends lawsuit, which, if I do say so myself, aint Friendly. Sure, the entertainment industry at any one time has a half a dozen really juicy, succulent pieces of litigation circulating, but this is so best. It's special, like that Diffrn't Strokes episode when the bicycle store owner molests Arnold Jackson's friend Dudley. A very special lawsuit. With notes of snitching and casual sexism.

According to the Smokinggun (via Gawker) in the lawsuit's allegations, the writers of Friends come off as stupid, lewd, racially insensitive jugheads, just the sort of type that would envision New York the way they do every week -- not exactly in those words, of course. The defendant, one Amaani Lyle, comes off, even worse than the jerky writers, she comes off as quite bitter. In entertainment, lawsuits are like handshakes. Some of the highlights:

"(complaint #)25. I had to constantly listen to comments of what kind of breasts and what kind of buttocks my supervisors were most attracted to.

"42. (Executive Producer) Andrew Reich would insult me because I previously worked at Nickolodeon, but he would not insult the other writers' assistants.

"50. (NBC writer) Greg Malins talked about what he'd like to do sexually to different cast members on the show like Courtney Cox and Jennifer Anniston.

"59. (Executive Producer) Greg Malins would take a copy of the Friends script cover and blacken out the letters to make it say penis.

"71. (Friends co executive producer) Adam Chase once called Maura Kauffman a cunt in a phone conversation with me on a weekend when I was home.

"78. Greg Malins liked to doodle and it usually was something disgusting."

Ooooh, I'm telling on you. I hope Ms. Lyle gets some sort of a payday out of this elaborate snitchery, because she's going to find a hard time ever working in that town again.

Out: Elvis Mitchell, leaving the Times. As Gawker reports:

"After we reported it on Wednesday, the rumor that film critic Elvis Mitchell is leaving the NY Times is already on its way to confirmation. Today, Variety steps up the rumor-mongering, confirming along the way that A. O. Scott will be named chief movie critic. Variety claims that Mitchell has 'irked' people at the paper, with his gallivanting about society with film directors and spending the last semester up at Harvard.

"[UPDATE: We hear Elvis actually has been asked to leave the building -- we hear his cubbyhole is all packed up and cleaned out.]"

Irked? And he looks so easy going on those IFC interview thingies.

IN: Alexandra Posen, at the CFDA 's Fashioning Fiction In Photography Since 1990, the other night, spinning to Fashionweekdaily on behalf of Alexander:

"I think it's a great junction. People keep saying it's this awkward union, but it's a great junction of two fashion superstars. Zac's been seeking a collaboration [backer] from the beginning. Without [P. Diddy's] support, we're essentially monetarily on our own?he definitely is paving the way for us to produce big things, which we have planned, for September.'

Or, as British Vogue says: "Combs noticed Posen's talent early in his career and made his respect for him public while DJ-ing in a New York nightclub after the CFDA awards last June. 'You ain't got shit if you ain't got Zac Posen in your closet,' he said over the loudspeaker."

Oh Puffy, shut up.

Out: Paula Yates broke Bob Geldoff when she dumped him for future autoerotic asphyxiation poster boy Michael "Devil Inside" Hutchence, according to Ananova, via the Daily Mirror:

"Bob Geldof lay on the floor of his home for two days after his wife Paula Yates left him for Michael Hutchence.

"He speaks about the ordeal in a BBC1 programme on Saturday night about the Live Aid hero.

"Geldof, 52, says he was 'helpless' as Ms Yates destroyed herself with drink and drugs.

"However, he doesn't attack the mother of his three children - Peaches, Pixie and Fifi Trixibelle, says the Daily Mirror.

"He says: 'I don't think I would dis her. She was great.'

"Geldof also says he couldn't understand why she left him for the INXS singer. 'I couldn't stand being without my family. Home had gone. Home was them.'

"His friend Marsha Hunt said he'd was completely broken by the experience. 'He was on the floor in a foetal position in the living-room and he basically stayed there for the next two days.'"

I've been there over a woman, so I won't even get snarky about that whole naming your kids Peaches and Fifi Trixibelle shit. That kind of fuckery is for his analyst to delve into. Draw your own conclusions on that.

In: Mary J. Blige, She shares a lot in common with Janet Jackson. Liberated nipples, for one thing. Aside from her 60 Minutes flap and the FCC getting involved, British Vogue writes:

"AFTER noticing that her nipple was free for all to see during a recent stage performance, Mary J Blige decided that she had to give her wardrobe some attention. 'I need clothes,' she told Women's Wear Daily. 'Not the handkerchiefs they're selling now. It's got to be loose fitting stuff. The jeans have to have stretch and they have to make me happy.' While Dolce & Gabbana dressed Blige for her 2002 tour, the singer admits that the clothes weren't perfect because she didn't have enough time for all the fittings. 'A lot of the stuff wound up being too low-cut,' she went on. 'And low-cut jeans don't work for me. My behind is low and high at the same time, and I refuse to have my behind showing.'"

(uncomfortable silence) Does anyone out there know how a behind can be high and low at the same time?

Out: Kim Delaney. TV Guide asks: Is Kim Delaney acting a bit ... odd, of late? On a recent interview via conference call with TV Guide reporter Daneil R. Coleridge:

"Kim Delaney hasn't had the easiest life in recent years. She was arrested for DUI in 2002; her show Philly was axed; she was let go from CSI: Miami; and, last year, she checked into an Arizona rehab facility to treat an alcohol addiction. This week, the actress raised eyebrows once again ...

"On Wednesday, Delaney and Beau Bridges did a telephone conference call with reporters to plug NBC's four-hour miniseries 10.5, about a deadly earthquake hitting the West Coast. (It airs May 2 and 3 at 9 pm/ET.) Between answering questions, the actress punctuated the pauses with anxious remarks � seemingly unaware (or unconcerned) that reporters could hear everything she said. 'Beau, how weird is this?' she was heard to complain. 'Beau, are you going crazy? I gotta call you after this. I'm dying!'

"Bridges and the Peacock publicist in charge of the call had to reassure Delaney she was 'doing fine.' She kept insisting Bridges phone her after the conference to talk about it, as if something unusual were going on, other than her own surreal commentary. Frankly, this seemed odd behavior coming from an actress who's been doing press to promote her projects for years.

"The 42-year-old Emmy winner, who plays a seismologist in the disaster drama, did grudgingly answer some queries. When asked if she'd do more NYPD Blue, she told TV Guide Online: 'Always. If Steven [Bochco] calls me. He's been a great friend. If he calls, I show up.'

"We also inquired about the status of Sudbury, her CBS pilot about two sisters who happen to be witches. 'I have no idea where it's going,' she said. 'It's a very nice cast. You got Dixie Carter, Shirley Knight, myself and Jeri Ryan. We finished [shooting] it. It was great.' She also added, 'I'm a good witch. It's not like black magic.'"

What the fuck? I got 50-50 odds on Delaney going crazy in 2004, 60-40 on Sadie Frost, and 75-25 on Brittney Murphy with those big spooky peepers.


In: Greek Cypriots defeat Unification Vote. In a massive blow to peace and stability in the region and a stubborn clinging to old, outmoded and jejune tribal notions (gee where does the Corsair side on this issue), Alex Efty of the AP writes:

"The European Commission said it 'deeply regrets that the Greek Cypriot community' rejected the plan.

"'A unique opportunity to bring about a solution to the long-lasting Cyprus issue has been missed,' the commission said in a statement in Brussels.

"The commission, the EU's administration, said it wanted to 'warmly congratulate Turkish Cypriots for their 'yes" vote (ed note: in the separate referendum).' It added it would look at ways to promote their development.

"Greek Cypriots and Turkish Cypriots voted in separate referendums on whether to accept a plan by U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan that would reunify Cyprus after 30 years of division. The United States and other countries have pushed hard for acceptance of the plan ahead of Cyprus' May 1 entry to the European Union."

Why is this in and not out? Good news: Another defeat of the useless fuzzy-wuzzy Kofi Annan. Let's put George Bush,.Sr in this position.

Yes, I can hear the outrage, but listen, politically, do you think Southerners will stand for a liberal Secretary General, like Clinton or Carter; never; and do you think an unsophisticated little autocrat like Giuliani would ever pass muster with the left of the Foreign Relations Committee? Bush is supremely qualified, he is not too right wing, and is just moderate enough. The perfect compromise, if we can get past the freaky Bush-Dynasty -illuminati crowd and push this through.