A Little of the Old In and Out

Hollywood-DC-NY

Mixed: There is no coif more spectacular than the Japanese Prime Minister's coif -- period! Japanese Prime Mister Junichiro Koizumi's hair. It is so stylish, so fluffy: like raven's wings flecked with salt. Is it real? How can anyone's hair be so ... ethereal? As Joyce Kilmer once wrote of tress, and I write of Koizumi's coif, "I THINK that I shall never spare/ A lock as lovely Koizumi's hair/A coif whose hungry tresses prest/Against the sweet earth's flowing breast/ A mane that looks at God all day/ And lifts her raven's wings to pray/ A coif that may in summer wear/A nest of robins in his hair." Apologies to Joyce Kilmer/ Val Kilmer whatever.

In: 60 minutes Corporate Tie-in Flak. I warned them, but did they listen? Look: I love 60 Minutes, but Matt Drudge is right about the motives and the shady corporate tie in. I grew up on their brand of Martha's Vinyard hard edged cultural elite investigative journalism. I loved it when Ed Bradley went to Greece to get to the bottom of the November 17 terrorists. And Christianne "the Goddess" Amanpour's interview of Chirac on the Persian Gulf War was masterful. But no one -- no one -- can defend their blatant attacks on the Bushies of late.

As Newsday's Glenn Bower reports:

"Many conservatives are suspicious because within four months, '60 Minutes' will feature three books that are either critical of Bush or are expected to raise tough questions about his leadership, said Rich Noyes, research director of the Media Research Center.

"Besides the Clarke book and upcoming feature on Woodward's account of the administration's planning for the Iraq war, the newsmagazine in January interviewed former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill about his criticisms of Bush in the book "The Price of Loyalty."

"Noyes also said Stahl's interview with Clarke didn't match the '60 Minutes' standard of toughness.

"'60 Minutes had made it a practice its whole life of telling corporate America to come clean and tell America what is going on,' Noyes said. 'They should be held to the same standards themselves.'"

Indeed.

Out: John McCain as Kerry's Veep: it is not going to happen. Sure, there was a high powered flirtation across the halls of power.

Howard Kurtz quotes McCain spokesman Marshall Wittmann as saying, "'It's not going to happen -- end of story, period, exclamation mark.'"

That's a wrap fellas, nothing else to see here, no more speculation, move along crisply.

In: Inexplicably ordinary looking Hollywood superstar, hero of the working man Drew Carey gets greenlighted ... again. Alexis de Tocqueville never would have anticipated this shit happening in such a brilliant democracy. According to Medialifemagazine.com:

"The WB has given the green light to a sketch comedy pilot called 'The Green Screen,' featuring Drew Carey. The show is a takeoff on a popular 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' bit, in which cast members stand in front of a green screen unaware of what is happening behind them."

Sounds suuuuper. Can't hardly wait. Somewhere in the LA, 1,000 talented young writers unable to get development deals are committing hare kare.

Out: Lovely airhead Penelope Cruz tearfully asked frosty calculated Hollywood robot Tom Cruise to 'Tell me why?' after he broke up with her, according to Ananova.com via The Mirror:

"Penelope Cruz reportedly burst into tears while visiting old flame Tom Cruise, demanding: 'Tell me why.'

"She enjoyed dinner with Cruise when the pair met up in Berlin just days after announcing they'd split up.

"The Mirror says reports in Germany claim diners at Bocca di Bacco saw Cruz weeping during the meal.

"One diner told Welt am Sonntag newspaper: 'Tom Cruise tried to comfort her, he put his arm around her and kissed her. He laid his arm around her shoulder and kissed her. Then she asked him again 'Tell me why?'"

I don't know, Penelope, ask Nicole and Mimi Rigers with Mont Blanc pens.

In: Lindsayism's Lindsay has got a job at Comedy Central. Writing for a cable tv network is one of the big dreams of us bloggers, those who share this thing of ours. And we feel happy for Lindsay, she of the lovely cheekbones, who writes today, "So I got this really effing cool new writing job (at Comedy Central). I'm still going to be putting something here every day, but I can see the level of compulsive 'blogging going down significantly. So that's why." Represent, Lindsay, we'll miss the flow of relentless evil genius, but we are happy for you. Congratulations.

Out: Enrique Englesias cheated on tennis b-lister Anna Kournikova, according to Jack Cooke of that significant cultural artifact, the National Enquirer:

"... he bedded a busty blonde in London, according to a British publication.

"Emma Kearney had sex with the singer in a bathroom after meeting him in a nightclub, says England's biggest selling newspaper, the News of the World.

"And even though the Spanish heartthrob confessed recently he didn't have a lot to brag about in the trouser department, Emma says he more than makes up for his shortcomings.

"'We did it so many ways in so many different contorted positions I felt like a gymnast!'"

damn.

In: Snoop Dogg, I guess. From 50 Cent to Snoop Dogg. Vivika Fox (link barely safe for workplace) knows how to keep her name in the news.

Out: Britney goes down. Luckily she wasn't hurt bad. The audio is here (14th post down, entitled 'Download Britney's knee Injury Audio') on Everythingbritney.net. She fell down during a March 18th concert in Violine, Illinois. Again, glad to say she's okay; but we can't resist the audio -- try as we might -- which is transcribed thusly:

"(inaudible) Unidentified person: We just gotta call your mom ... we're gettin' your mom on the phone, honey, it's okay. Britney: I just went doen, like you don't understand. I got the move an' everything and I wend DOWN. I don't even understand (groaning). inaudible Brintey: It hurts ... like I don't think you have any idea how bad it hurts ... I don't even know why?"

Awww. Free massages right here, Britney; Uganda-style.

In: Nick and Jessica's TV special's are in. Definitely in. Of course I don't watch that crapola; but someone does. I guess the kids who are not watching Carmela's tushy are into the newlyweds. According to the Drudgereport's filched Nielsen numbers, "'NICK AND JESSICA' CONQUER PRIMETIME! DUO'S ABC VARIETY SPECIAL WINS TIMESLOT, NIGHT WITH 7.8 RATING/12 SHARE, ACCORDING TO NIELSEN... NETWORK TO ORDER ADDITIONAL SPECIALS, PLOTS REGULAR SERIES" (covers ears) okay, Matt, no need to shout, let those guys at the last place network plot away; they need a hit like a junky. Right now at ABC the executives are on their knees praying to Nick Lachey (pronounced la-shay) and Jessica.