A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Eich bin ein Berlunar. Eminem moons a German audience. According to Ananova:

"Eminem pulled down his pants and mooned at the audience during an appearance on German television.

"The rapper was on Pro7 show TV Total when he unzipped his trousers and whipped down his Calvin Kleins.

"After baring his bum to the camera and the audience he told host Stefan Raad: 'We love your country.'

"Eminem then complained flashing is always censored in America, before getting up and mooning again."

Meanwhile, Foxnews reports that Kim Mathers, Eminem's ex wife, has a warrant out for her arrest, "An arrest warrant was issued for rapper Eminem's (search) former wife Wednesday, a day after she failed to return to a court-ordered drug treatment program, officials said."

Whoever said Em doesn't deal in crack.

Out: Amanda Hesser. Our favorite socialite blogger, Miu Von Furstenberg, caught Hesser, the most hated woman in the blogosphere, at Mickey Dee's on Park and 28th in Manhattan:

"You will never guess who I ran into at a McDonald's, the one by Park and 28th. Obviously by the title of the post, it was the much despised Amanda Hesser. I'm assuming she didn't get the job at the NYT, and was drowning her sorrows in a Big Mac with a side of Chicken McNuggets.

"It gets worse. Along with the fact that the New York Times restaurant critic (temporary but still) was eating fast food, she was also reading USA Today. Maybe all the fat has gone to her brain and she's taken leave of her senses."

Hey: All she wanted was Chicken McNuggets!

And what was Our Miu doing at McDonalds? "It may be a shock to all of you that Miu eats McDonald's, but I was craving those fries. And no, I haven't been knocked up."

We still kiss your fry-greasy, elegant, thin socialitey fingertips, darling Miu.

In: 'Diamond Dermabrasion' face lifts. According to that significant cultural artifact The National Enquirer:

"'Courtney (Love) had a 'Diamond Dermabrasion' face-lift to try to get rid of sun damage as well as drug and alcohol damage to her skin,' an insider told The ENQUIRER.

"'Diamond Dermabrasion' is an ingenious treatment using diamond-shaped crystals. It's a combination of scraping and suction that Courtney's beauty therapist, Regina Knobel, described as sandblasting the skin.

"'Courtney said she loved the way she looked afterward but blew off paying Knobel her fees.

"'Knobel's office tried repeatedly to collect $3,304 from Courtney but she ignored the statements as well as the calls from the collection agency.

"'So as a final resort, Knobel decided to file a lawsuit in small claims court and won fees plus court costs.'"

Scraping and suction? Blew off? Yup. Sounds like some Courtney Love going on.

Out: TheSmokinggun reports that former Murphy Brown star Robert Pastorelli (he played the philosophical housepainter Elvin) died of a heroin overdose:

"An autopsy has confirmed that actor Robert Pastorelli, who starred opposite Candice Bergen in 'Murphy Brown,' died last month of an accidental heroin overdose. On March 8, Pastorelli's assistant found the 49-year-old performer slumped over on the toilet of his Hollywood home, a syringe sticking from his right arm. According to a coroner's report released yesterday. Pastorelli died from a 'fatal blood concentration of morphine.' According to sources quoted in the report, Pastorelli previously battled heroin addiction and had been depressed since his girlfriend's 1999 suicide."

May he rest in peace.

In: LA Fashion Week may be over, but Russian Fashion Week has just begun, writes Godfrey Deeny, "In just three years, Russian fashion Tsar Alexander Shumsky has turned Moscow mode from a tiny collection of small shows to a ten-day estravaganza of 55 shows and a score of parties. "

What's in? Bike gangs and Haute Couture, according to Godfrey Deeny of Fashion Wire Daily, who begins:

"The daddy was known as the Kremlin couturier. The son is a fully paid up member of Moscow�s meanest motor cycle gang.

"The Night Wolves, the gang with whom he rumbles, showed for the runway show of Egor Zaitsev, son of Slava Zaitsev, the genial designer who used to dress Politburo wives back in the old days.

"A half dozen Wolves even tossed Egor into the air sveral times after his show in T Modul, a city-center shopping and convention center where most of the shows are staged."

Russian models mixing with biker gangs, sounds very very best.

Out: Condi's testimony. My old boss Jason Calacanis from Silicon Alley Reporter days strikes the right tone:

"After today�s insulting testimony from Condi Rice (uhhh� isn�t an apology in order here?) I think we all know why the Bush team didn�t want to give the Presidential Daily Briefing to the 9/11 commission: the title (or a subject heading, it is not clear) seems to be �bin Laden determined to attack the United States.�

"Imagine that� one month and five days before September 11th the President is told bin Laden DETERMINED TO ATTACK THE UNITED STATES in the most important daily report given to the president�WHILE HE IS ON A MONTH LONG VACATION!

"Read the transcript and cry for democracy�where is the accountability?!

"Mr. President declassify that document!"

We couldn't have said it better, Jason.

In: Oral sex during The Passion of The Christ. Lindsayism chimes in:

"Weird News I'd Love To See:

"Associated Press: A couple was arrested last night for allegedly engaging in oral sex in a theater while Mel Gibson's film 'The Passion of the Christ' was screening."

How cool would that be? All over the country, bondage fetishists go to matinee screenings of the Passion to get their freaky "o"-on. The lights go out, Jesus takes his licks on screen. Agony on film, exstasy in the seats. Can't you see Mel raging on the talk show circuit. Preachers villifying from the pulpit. And what about the ushers with their flashlights patrolling the aisles. Oh, Lindsay, you are a freak after my own kinky heart.

Do you want to see Kill Bill Volume 2 with me?

Out: Using the phrase, "I'm Rick James, Bitch" is out, but this cartoon link is so very in. )Link via Bestweekever blog via Catchdubs)

In: Writer Jonathan Ames is in a porn film. This might be the only award winning writer and guest of David Letterman who has done "skin flics." Ames sent out a mass email a few minutes ago saying, in part:

"A few years ago, I spent three days on a porn set to write an article for NY Press, and which I reprinted in my book My Less Than Secret Life. On my last day, they included me in the movie, which is called 'C-Men.' In the movie, I'm talking to a porn starlet in a bar, attempting to pick her up, and then this male porn star, named Dale DeBone, dressed in a super-hero outfit, comes over and tells me to get lost and I slink away. I later saw Dale DeBone in a reality TV show where he dated a woman and was listed as an 'actor'. here is a link to buy this video, if you go in for that. Personally, I don't like porn."

O-kay .... (whistles nervously then runs like the wind)

Out: Stern is out of Six stations. The folks at TheSmokinggun have the transcripts of the show that started the scandal:

"In another broadside at Howard Stern, the Federal Communications Commission today fined Clear Channel Communications a whopping $495,000 for last year's broadcast of an allegedly indecent bit on the King of All Media's popular radio program. Acting on a listener complaint, the FCC hammered Clear Channel over an April 2003 broadcast during which Stern and his cohorts discussed their sexual practices and the use of a personal hygiene product called 'Sphincterine.' Included in the commission's notice of liability--which cites 18 alleged indecency violations--was a transcript of the offending broadcast, a copy of which you'll find below. Until late-February, Clear Channel aired the shock jock's show on six of its stations. But the radio star was abruptly dumped after Clear Channel concluded that Stern's February 24 broadcast violated the media giant's new zero-tolerance decency standards. Last month, Infinity Broadcasting (which employs Stern and airs his show nationwide) was fined $27,500 for a "graphic and explicit" July 2001 Stern show."