Saturday, August 18, 2007

Rudy Giuliani is Stupid on Foreign Relations

(image via gothamist)

Let's face it: Rudy, a former New York City mayor and an attorney for the Southern district of New York, is no intellectual and he is most certainly not qualified to serve as President of these United States (Exaggerated cough suggecting feigned detachment). We believe that after the irrational exhuberance of his handling of post-September 11th New York crumbles under close scrutiny, he will fall to either the gloriously evil Mitt Romney or the positively quixotic Newt Gingrich. Have you ever heard the blustery Rudy Giuliani speak -- or try to speak -- on the subject of international relations? Oh, we know he desires -- more than any other urban administrator in modern memory -- to be seen as a Statesman, a Machiavelli, a political macher deserving of the love of his hyper-ambitious wife with the reptilian eyes. His ambitions exceed his reach.

Have you seen Rudy pose next to Kissinger, chest puffed out, legs akimbo, whenever the photo opportunities arise? Have you seen him mention, lisping, "and so we institued James Wilson at Harvard's broken windows theory"?

Unfortunately, Giuliani is, in essence, a suburban thug, a little Mussolini on the Hudson, a punk, a Stallone (Averted Gaze). Rudiani is intellectually incapable of original internationalist thought; he is laughable when he speaks on his love of "opera," then mentions, as if by aside, "The Three Tenors" -- the cheese-whiz, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, of Classical music (Mozart was the answer we were looking for, but the judges would hacve accepted Wagner). That's why when Little Rudy tries to be Churchillian, he sounds, quite frankly, laughably John Wayne-ian ("We godda be tough"). To wit, this typical Giulianiesque batshit-bullshit from The Charlie Rose Show:

"Charlie Rose:You don't like France.

"Rudy Giuliani:Now?

"Charlie Rose:Now you love France.

"Rudy Giuliani: France is one of my favorite countries now. I can't say it was before. But it's become one of my favorite countries. I think -- isn't that the way it is? I mean, when we started this Iraq thing, Britain and Italy and Spain were on our side, and France and Germany wereagainst us. Now Italy and Spain have pulled out. I think the UK is pretty much in the same position they've been in. They're one of our most loyal friends."

"This Iraq thing." Deep (The Corsair emits a low, spiralling wolf whistle at the humaity..). This may just be the longest Rudy has spoken before conjuring the incantation "September 11," like some two-bit illusionist, which is how he began his lower-middle brow "essay" for Foreign affairs Magazine.

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