I Married Christina Applegate and All I Got Was The Buddha
From the AP (via WashPo):
"Christina Applegate is now unmarried ... with no children. The actress and her actor husband, Johnathon Schaech, have officially parted ways a year and a half after he filed for divorce.
"... Applegate's publicist, Ame Van Iden, and Schaech's publicist, Cindy Guagenti, both declined to comment Friday.
"The judgment awarded Schaech more than $1.5 million in bank accounts dating back to last February, a cement Buddha in Applegate's possession, and a 2001 Mercedes-Benz S500.
"Applegate, 35, was awarded two of the ex-couple's Los Angeles residences, a 2006 Lexus and more than $7.5 million in bank accounts dating back to late December 2006, according to court documents."
No, no, no honey: I refuse to take the newer car, the Alaska fisherman boytoy, and the $6 million. You keep that shit, baby. I want the Buddha and the old punk-ass Mercedes, cause I'm old school like that. I'm like a cat, I always land on my feet; I'm Johnathon Schaech, goddam it!