Friday, November 12, 2004

Bill Maher's Palimony Suit

Above: Pimping aint easy.

Pity Bill Maher. 98 pound weakling. Had an ABC network show. Lost it. Spearheaded HBO's Real Time, arguably the most interesting post 9/11 political-entertainment chat chow. Now an unfortunate palimony suit. Is there any more anti-marriage minded comedian in this universe? And yet -- irony of ironies -- despite the hundreds of hours of HBO footage against that noble institution, Maher is being sued for palimony by some sleazy topless model who claims Bill wanted marriage and children. Bill fucking Maher. Riiight (wink wink), like he's that type of guy; and if that's true (wink wink), Brigitte Nielson will settle down and bake cookies and knit socks for the rest of her life in Madison, Wisconsin.

Look -- it's an open secret that Bill Maher likes his women like he likes his coffee. He likes to keep things Deniro, if you know what The Corsair means. *The Corsair coughs "Craig Kilborn* The problem is that he tends to frequent skanky venues. Often. He picks up the wrong element. He was a palimony suit waiting to happen. He was the dollar signs in the eyes of a skank.

According to TheSmokingGun:

"Comedian Bill Maher was slapped yesterday with a $9 million palimony suit by an ex-girlfriend who alleges that the HBO star subjected her to physical and verbal abuse, including 'insulting, humiliating and degrading racial comments.' In the below Los Angeles Superior Court complaint, Nancy Johnson, a centerfold model and former flight attendant also known as Coco Johnsen, alleges that Maher, 48, reneged on promises to pay her expenses and purchase a Beverly Hills home."

How, pray tell, does that work? Does Coco do the tasteful topless shots or does Nancy? Does this involve two social security numbers? And is she even a "she"? Does it have Hep C?

"Johnson, who says she dated Maher for 17 months before splitting from him in May, also contends that the performer promised to marry her and have children. Johnson does not detail the degrading racial comments allegedly made by Maher, and recounts only one episode of supposed physical abuse by the host of HBO's 'Real Time.' She charges that Maher pulled her arm and shook her at one party, causing 'injuries to her back and neck,' and later that evening warned he'd hit her on the head with a hammer if she was unfaithful."

Please. The Corsair has seen Bill Maher. He couldn't injure a pan-seared steak with a knife and fork. Maher is in need of a robust multivitamin, not an assault rap.

No comments: