Thursday, July 15, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Liquid Generation says that Lindsay Lohan is a Drunken Wreck (this evil, evil little link comes from Hell via Defamer). Hey, she's 18 now; that's our defense and we're sticking to it.

Out: Scott Stereogum's Mandy Moore photo ... so choice, I highly recommend it.

In: Catwoman is going to be such the stinker on a truly galactic scale that I think I just might go, you know, to see the carnage, like people's eyes bleeding and people fleeing Loews with their hands covering their noses. It stars box office jinx Sharon Stone and Oscar winner Halle Berry in the worst-looking superhero headgear ever, on the cause of Halle's hair vanity. Defamer weighs in:

"Surefire Sign That Your Movie Marketing Department Is About Ten Minutes From Mass Suicide: The last-ditch recruitment of Barbie to promote your lite S&M stinker to the last demographic not poisoned by your movie's negative hype, seven-year-old girls."

Oh, this is going to be sooo bad. Let me get this straight: Halle, in shredded leather pants and a midriff-baring bustier, beats up musclebound baddies? Hmmm. Highly Implausible ...

Out: Those merry Page Sixers inform us:

"our spies say Ivana was rattled after running into her ex Donald's new bride-to-be, Melania Knauss, at the Dior show. 'She was not happy,' our source says. 'Everyone had to run around finding her a new place to sit. They ended up both in the front row but across the runway from each other. Ivana feels threatened by her.'"

The Corsair sheepishly raises his hand: Okay, suggestion, to avoid those feelings of inferiority in the face of the new wife, Ivana might want to, like shave off that last name and go back to her more "empowering" maiden name. Just a suggestion.

In: Legal guardians, baby, they are so "in," that they are the new Michael Ian Black. According to Gawker (link via AFP), Court Love (I know, I wasn't supposed to write about her anymore, and I tried ... for two whole days ...), Love started the trend, which is vaguely BDSM with overtones of "Top" and "Bottom," or, as that old Phenomenologist of the Spirit Hegel might call it, the Master-Slave dialectic:

"We're suddenly jealous: Courtney Love has a legal guardian. Get this -- you can declare yourself incompetent and make someone else do everything for you! Show up at your court hearings, take care of your kids, do the dishes -- hell, I bet I could even get someone to do my blow for me! This whole guardian idea is bitching!"

We so agree.

Out: Congressman Harold Ford, Jr. Call me a playa hater, drunk off a gallon of haterade, but this guy is just too ambitious. He's dangerously ambitious, sinisterly ambitious. He tried to unseat House Minority leader Nancy Pelosi at, get this, the age of 32; He appeared in Robert Downey's documentary The Last Party; he was conspicuous in nearly every episode of my beloved K Street; and being named one of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in the World. And now, according to the vapid Cindy Adams, that bastard is getting toasted by Justin Trousersnake:

"THE Democratic Convention later this month in Boston. Guess who's giving a party? Guess. Just guess. Give up? That bastion of political know-how, that international savant, that well-known Democratic think-tank Justin Timberlake. I'll repeat that because nobody's going to believe this. Justin Timberlake. He comes from Tennessee. He will thus host a happening for the Tennessee Congressman Harold Ford Jr. At least that's what I think the guy's name is � and if it isn't, so what."

Someone please check under his hair for the mark of the beast. Please. Hurry.

In: Andre 3000 and Alicia Silverstone were named PETA's "World's Sexiest Vegetarians." Someone please fetch me a chicken fried steak! Ananova writes:

"When asked recently how he would spend his last day on earth, Andre replied: 'I'd probably go for a great meal - some broccoli probably, because I'm a vegetarian.'

"Silverstone, meanwhile, said: 'Once I became vegan, my nails were stronger, my skin was glowing, I lost a lot of weight.'"

Out: AJ Benza. We are a little miffed at AJ Benza, as he stiffed our pal Michael Musto on a scoop. Musto says it all accurately:

"I recently asked Corsair blogsman RON MWANGAGUHUNGA to get A.J. BENZA to elaborate on a Corsair item that the gossip mook was hosting a reality show. 'I'd do anything for Musto,' A.J. responded to Ron, swearing he'd forward the info shortly. Instead, he adorably gave it to Page Six! And he used to be the fun kind of corrupt. Now where's that redemption window?"

You owe Musto one, AJ; do the right thing, be a goodfella, we still love you.

In: East Sussex, baby, in the UK. That significant cultural artifact Star Magazine reports, "We already knew Johnny Depp was a Francophile, and now it's safe to call him an Anglophile too. Depp, 41, fell for a $4.7 million Georgian estate in picturesque Rye, East Sussex, during a trip to the U.K. in May, says a source."

The Mirror reported on July 9th, "SEEMS Johnny Depp isn't the only celeb to have fallen in love with the picturesque village of Rye in East Sussex.

"The Pirates Of The Caribbean star recently bought a house there and now we hear Brad Pitt and wife Jennifer Aniston are looking for a property there too.

"Our agent tells us: 'It's a beautiful place and perfect for a couple looking to relax and get away from it all.'"

The Corsair counts the minutes until the New York Times is writing a story on East Sussex, thereby officially signalling the end of that celeb trend.

Out: Annabel Magazine? According to British Vogue:

"ANNABEL'S, the glamorous Berkeley Square nightclub named after founder, Mark Birley's former wife, Lady Annabel Goldsmith, is planning its own glossy magazine. Among the contributors to the publication, which is due to be launched during London Fashion Week in September, is Anthony Haden-Guest, who was immortalised as seedy hack Peter Fallow in Tom Wolfe's Bonfire of the Vanities. Haden-Guest's article will chronicle the history of the club that has over the decades played host to some of London's most starry nights. And to make sure he doesn't miss a trick, he has posted a message on an internet chat forum asking people for 'any memories [they] might have of specially memorable evenings there', adding, 'about some nights, I would be grateful for my own memory!'"

We love Haden-Guest, that iron man party boy, but the magazine idea sounds dodgy.


Anonymous said...

I'm 100% convinced that Lohan has fake boobies now. Can we please discuss the Emmy noms? I mean, how could they overlook Ian McShane from 'Deadwood'? - Casey

The Corsair said...

I just hope David Chappelle wins for best variety show and Larry David as Best actor. Deadwood was definitely shut out. They keep nominating the same old shows. I wish people who have already won Best Actress/Actor would opt out, like Bill Cosby, and make way for new blood. How many Best Actor/Actress Emmy's does one ego need?