Thursday, August 25, 2005

Wee Willy Jagger


(image via

Say it isn't so. When The Corsair thinks of solid cock-and-rock, of the eternal teenager, of rock royalty living "the Life", we think, without fail, of "Sir Mick."

For millions of ordinary joes, wage slaves, Mick Jagger represents a life lived on its own terms. And when we go to the neighborhood bar, and put on "Heart of Stone" on the jukebox, sipping Kentucky bourbon, we do homage to a warrior. When we recount, with the patrons, events of Mick's life, it's like recounting the events of our own. Mick, swilling the fizzy; Mick and Bianca; Mick and Jerry; Mick and David Bowie; Mick popping pharmaceuticals; Mick fucking Brazilian underwear models, letting the paternity insurance cover the ensuing progeny; and, most important, Mick making shitloads of "ducets," for essentially playing in the most successful garage band in history. Priceless. (The Corsair raises a glass of chilled grappa) Salut.

But the party goes on. And Mick will not grow old. He gets a pass. He is forever young, for he is our "Mick".

It is the perfect life. Mick is our surrogate. Mick is the fanfare for the common man. Alas, this bit of bad news kind of sours us on our idol, our Mick. The blush is off the rose, the tarnish has set in. According to something called Gigwise:

"Keith Richards has announced to the world that Mick Jagger has a tiny little dick ..."

Talk about packing an explosion in the lede!

"The Rolling Stones frontman, Jagger has been a sex symbol for nigh on 40 years; Richards has now embarrassingly shattered the myth that Jagger has a satisfactory manhood.

"As the band were kicking of the current world tour in the States Richards said to The Sun: 'His cock's on the end of his nose. And a very small one at that. Huge balls. Small cock. Ask Marianne Faithfull.' Jagger dated Faithfull in the 1960's during which time their sexual antics involving Mars bars became public knowledge and launched a new way of using confectionary."


Nougaty brown sugary ... suppository? (image via worth100)

We didn't know that about little fetish the Mars Bars, though. So now, we guess, its "pubic" knowledge.

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