Thursday, April 02, 2009

Method Man: "My Weed Aint No Wack Shit!"

This blogger cannot quite decipher (de-cypher?) whether or not this interview Method Man did with something called -- ?! -- is an elaborate stunt (it was posted on April Fools), or an actual indictment against his profound lack of foresight and all around buffoonishness (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). But it is funny. And, clearly, the stoner lifestyle is not without monetary compensation for Meth. Still: the Brooklyn Queens Expressway?

Forthwith (A hundred studied bows and curtsies), a cautionary tale about a bonehead who smokes a blunt in his car. And gets busted. From Celebstoner (pffft!):

"Celebstoner: How did the weed bust go down?

"Meth: That was some dumb shit too. Everybody got to glorify shit, but I was there so I know the truth. Yes, I did take a few pulls off the blunt and shit. Before I get to the (Brooklyn Battery) tunnel, I always did this as long as I been smokin’ weed and shit. When you on the BQE (Brooklyn-Queens Expressway), before you make that turn where that exit for Prospect (Expressway) is, you clip the blunt. I clipped the blunt. It was in the ashtray. I closed the ashtray. I’m riding through and shit and he (toll booth collector) looks at my (registration) sticker. They say I rolled the window down and all the smoke came out, which is totally false. They seen the sticker wasn’t right and he fuckin’ told me to roll the window down, so he could tell me my sticker wasn’t right. I rolled the window down and my weed ain’t no wack shit. I’d just bought hat shit! That shit had the whole car stinking!

"Celebstoner: The cop said your car looked like Cheech & Chong.
"Meth: The cop said, He rolled down the window and a big-ass cloud of smoke came out like Cheech & Chong. That’s not what happened. What happened was I rolled down that window and he caught a whiff. He smelled the weed. Me being who I am, when he pulled me over, I was like, Aight, get out the car. 'Do you got weed on you?' No, I ain’t got no weed on me and shit. 'Do you have weed in the car?' Yeah, it’s right there by the seats. If you don’t tell ’em where it’s at, even if you don’t have it in there, they’ll tear you’re whole fuckin’ car up. I just told them off the top.

"Celebstoner: How much did you have?
"Meth: An ounce.

"Celebstoner: That’s decriminalized in New York…
Meth: That shit don’t matter in post-Guiliani New York. They had my ass. They just wanted to keep my money. I had $5,000 in cash. They took it, but they didn’t keep it. Yeah, I smoke weed - I smoke! I don’t sell marijuana. I made that clear on top. I did the sobriety test because I really didn’t want them to take the car. I did better than the cop! When he told me to take the urinalysis pee test, I said, I don’t have to go to the bathroom. I peed before I got locked up.

Did Meth not get the memo that Barack Obama is POTUS? It doesn't have to be like this, brother.

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