What The Fuck Happened To Flavor Flav?



This morning we were listening to Public Enemy on the iPod and were shaken from our sonic joy by the creeping realization that Flavor Flav -- that walking, talking fucking Minstrel Show -- was actually a member of the super-group Once Upon A Time (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). It must gall Chuck D, a high calbre musical genius with a solid legacy in the history of American music, to know that his contribution is marred by it's association with that former crackhead and present bug-eyed pseudo-pimp. If Amos and Andy were alive, they would lodge a public complaint about Flavor Flav's offensive depiction of African-Americans (Averted Gaze). Flav's back, unfortunately (The Corsair sips a glass of 1992 Château de Beaucastel Châteauneuf-du-Pape) ; television, it seems, has an inexhaustible appetite for his brand of fucking tomfoolery. From BuddyTV:

"Flavor Flav has already tapped into the music circuit as a member of the politically-conscious hip hop group Public Enemy and has graced the world of reality TV with his highly rated dating series Flavor of Love. Now, he attempts to conquer the comedy industry with his new sitcom Under One Roof.

"As reported previously, the new sitcom features the Flavor of Love star playing a convict trying to turn his life around by moving in with his conservative brother played by Kelly Perine.

"According to Flavor Flav, his foray into comedy comes from his admiration for his former classmate Eddie Murphy, who has successfully etched his name in the entertainment industry as an actor, film director, producer and comedian.

"'Eddie was in my ninth grade English class at Roosevelt Junior-Senior High School. Today he is one of the most successful actors and I'm very proud of my boy,' Flavor Flav said of his acting inspiration."

There is one surprising fact contained in this interview: Flav actually progressed to ninth grade English. WTF?! This, to be sure, speaks directly of the great crisis in American public education. And -- sotto voce -- we are not quite sure Eddie Murphy, movie star, would want anyone knowing that he was placed in an English Class with Flavor Flav. That's something anyone would want to keep under their hat.

Our favorite little thought experiment is: What if Flavor Flav was, like this intense character actor from the University of Bologna that got lost in the role. He came to America to study abroad, challenging himself by the performance art and motivation of the rap game, and has essentially been in character for decades. And His 7 children? Demonstrations of his commitment to the character. Just a thought experiment ...