Michael Musto Rocks

We already read Musto as soon as it comes out on Tuesdays online, so I was really blown away that Michael Musto, one of our all time favorite writers and tv commentators gave me a mention.

From the bottom of my snarky heart Michael, honorary black man,

Thanks

ed note: because of work I won't be blogging tomorrow. sorry

Cissy Houston To Hold Harlem Prayer Vigil For Whitney

I swear to God, Fox's Roger Friedman is the blackest white man in the entertainment reporting business. Today he gives us the scoop on Whitney Houston, with a little blue eyed soul. He writes:

"Whitney Houston's mother is taking a stand on her children's substance abuse problems.

"Cissy Houston, the great R&B and gospel singer, is leading a prayer vigil next Monday night in Harlem. In a simple announcement on New York radio station KISS-FM Houston called the two-hour event 'mothers praying for healing.'

"'Let us pray for healing and deliverance,' Houston said in the recorded message, 'for our children affected by substance abuse.'

"The event will held from 7 to 9 p.m. at the Abyssinian Baptist Church. Sources tell me that by Monday Houston and others involved in the planning should have quite a team of performers, celebrities and clergy who will participate. My guess is that Cissy's cousins Dionne and Dee Dee Warwick, as well as many other notables, will attend."

Shouldn't Dionne have predicted this?

I mean, isn't that what friends are for?

My guess is Al Sharpton, Lennox Lewis, Mike Tyson, Janet Jackson, and various members of New Edition will be in attendance.

The Corsair wishes Whitney good luck.

Alistair Cooke of Masterpiece Theater Dies At 95

Some of my earliest and most poignant memories of childhood in the 1970s as an emigre involve the UN School where, I think, I get my sense of internationalism, as well as PBS' Masterpiece Theater, where I came away with the feeling that dramatic tragedy is of great human dignity. To this day I prefer drama to comedy. And don't ask me where I got my love of gossip.

The AP sadly reports today:

"Alistair Cooke, the broadcaster who epitomized highbrow television as host of 'Masterpiece Theatre' and whose 'Letter from America' was a radio fixture in Britain for 58 years, has died, the British Broadcasting Corp. said Tuesday. He was 95.

"Cooke died at his home in New York at midnight, a spokeswoman at the BBC's press office said. No cause of death was given, but Cooke had retired earlier this month because of heart disease."

Alistair Cooke was the ultimate cultural ambassador of British soft power. Joe E. Sheldon -- bless his heart -- mailed me just last week one of the first Masterpiece Theater's, Last of the Mohicans, which I had been complaining about for years about for years. It was absolutely marvelous.

It would be impossible to name my favorites, whether I, Claudius, or First Churchills (fuck, I can hear ringing in the chambers of my mind Purcell's Music for Queen Mary II, the theme of Churchills) or Upstairs Downstairs. Each were introduced by the cultural ambassador with a twinkling eye and a dry comment on the behavior of the characters. "What fools these mortals be," Cooke seemed to be saying, at the beginning and at the end of these high dramas.

I met my first love (okay, first crush, as I was 7) over a discussion in the school yard at the UN School of The Dutchess of Duke Street, back in the late 70s, when Masterpiece Theater was in full power. Sera was a precocious girl, and I hear she's making indie films in Mallorca now (*sighs* at the reddish bronze twilight memory of first love and Masterpiece Theater).
And ever since the mid 70s, Masterpiece Theater has been more or less a source of joy.

Cooke left in 1992, followed by Baker, and soon after The Soprano's took over the 9pm slot in the "must see tv" sweepstakes. I never quite cottoned to Cooke's replacement, Russell Baker. Baker never seemed to love the classics as much as Cooke. In Baker's intro's he seemed more taken with the language and his lofty position than the drama, than the grand statements being made. Baker posed like a curmudgeon while Cooke was the real deal. There was never a host of high drama as equal to the task as Alistair Cooke.

"'He was really one of the greatest broadcasters of all time, and we shall feel his loss very, very keenly indeed,' UK Prime Minister Tony Blair said, summing up the feelings of all in the room.

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Bob Woodward joins the parade of Simon and Schuster authors going on 60 Minutes to attack the President, according to Lloyd Grove, "I hear that 'Plan of Attack,' supersleuth Bob Woodward's still-secret study of President Bush's war on terrorism, will be very bad for the Bush reelection campaign - which is still reeling from gun-toting former terrorism chief Richard A. Clarke's critique of Bush, National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice and other administration figures in 'Against All Enemies.'

"Woodward's book, to be released next month, will receive not only a multipart series in The Washington Post, but also the Mike Wallace treatment on '60 Minutes' April 18 - when I am absolutely confident that the common corporate ownership of CBS and Woodward's publisher, Simon & Schuster, will be mentioned."

Out: The New Republic's blowhard literary editor Leon Wieseltier ("the weasel") made an appearance on The Soprano's on Sunday. "They got the SL," he shouts, impotently, into the night, as Mobsters steal his car "do you know how long my brother was on the waiting list for that thing?" And do you know how long bossman Marty Peretz has been waiting for his star pupil Al Gore to be President? You don't always get whatcha want, Leon.

In: Alcohol-infused and bloated Jason Patric, former paramour of Julia Roberts was arrested in texas, according to TheSmokinggun:

"Actor Jason Patric was busted by Texas cops early yesterday and charged with misdemeanor counts of resisting arrest and public intoxication. The 37-year-old thespian smelled of alcohol and fought with police after they tried to cuff him, according to the below probable cause affidavit filed in the City of Austin Municipal Court. Patric's trouble began at 2:45 AM when he mocked a patrolman who sought to clear large crowd of pedestrians out of a roadway. Asked if he had a problem complying with the police directive, Patric 'assumed an aggressive stance.' That, of course, is never a good idea when dealing with the fuzz. In short order, Patric tussled with the officer and fell to the ground with the cop (where he was eventually cuffed). Patric, in the Lone Star State for the premiere of his new film 'The Alamo,' was booked into the Travis County Jail."

Damn. Remember when he used to romance Christy Turlington? According to the Affadavit for Warrant of Arrest and Detention, the Alamo star "exhibited the following conditions," odor of alcohol, dilated pupils, and other Aggressive and fighting with police officers. Oh my god ... is Jason Patric me?

Out: Nicky Hilton versus Shannen Doherty? Fashionweekdaily reports of the swishy Tom Ford show on Rodeo Drive, "Nicky Hilton worked the arrivals line for Marie Claire and E! Entertainment, then bolted after spying arch enemy Shannon Doherty, changing into a gold lame gown and walking the carpet herself, making sure not to miss one photo op."

I though Shannon's arch enemy was her sister, Paris? Who can keep track. Mais ca ne fait rien: Catfight!

In: Pork, the new white meat. According to The Hill's Hans Nichols and Johnathan E. Kaplan, "House Republicans could learn some valuable political lessons from their Democratic counterparts when it comes to carving out the big slices of pork stuffed into the pending $275 billion transportation bill.

"In an apparently deft maneuver, the Democrats are allocating, on average, some $10 million more to their most vulnerable members than have the Republicans."

I don't know whether to applaud or hold my nose.

Out: Georgia Senator Zell Miller, and good riddance, ya ole crab apple. Was he ever a Democrat? And what Democrat endorses President Bush -- in 2003!

Skanky Zell, before announcing he would no run for re-election wrote the crankiest political book that I've never read, A National Party No More: The Conscience of a Conservative Democrat brutalizes the Democratic Party, essentially setting up a Republican win for his seat in November. He's just mad because his parents named him Zell, thanks for sharing.

In: Is Georgia freshman Rep. Denise Majette the new democratic party superstar? According to TheHill's Peter Savodnik and Michael Rochmes, "Rep. Denise Majette (D) announced yesterday that she would run for the Senate seat held by retiring Zell Miller (D).

"Her candidacy stunned lawmakers from both parties, some of whom voiced skepticism that the freshman House member could win in an increasingly Republican state."

For all the hooplah about Georgia being a conservative state, current census figures also have the population at about 30 percent African American. Alas, there have been fewer than half a dozen African American senators in the history of the United States. Could Denise Majette be the next?

Out: The New York Times' Neil Strauss, who left the nytimes to pursue a career in porn, screenwriting and ghostwriting, gives coinage to the new verb (a la Corsair), to Strauss, "To use an Old Gray Lady in Order to pick up Young Bloonde Ladies." Jack Shaeffer of Slate (link via Gawker) has a whole bunch of verbs using Ny Times bylines, like, "To Sulzberger: To maintain a great distance between one's rhetoric and one's wallet. (Arthur O. Sulzberger Jr., NY Times publisher)" I also like, "To Miller: To amplify government propaganda.(Judith Miller, reporter)" More: here.

Halle Berry Injured: Again?!

An injury prone Halle Barre. According to Rush and Molloy, back from vacation (welcome back!), is injured -- again:

"Halle Berry's ear infection is wreaking havok with her career.
The Oscar-winner's doctor forbid her from flying to Vegas to pick up the Female Star of the Year award Thursday at the ShoWest convention of movie exhibitors.

"Now, her aural trouble has forced her to drop out of the cast of the HBO drama 'Lackawanna Blues,' based on Ruben Santiago-Hudson's play about the boarders in a riotous rooming house in upstate Lackawanna.

Berry broke her arm during Gothika, as theAge reports,"Halfway through filming the movie, she broke her arm in a scene with co-star Robert Downey Jr, bringing the film to a screeching halt for four weeks. Upon her return, she worked for six weeks with a camouflaged cast on her right arm."

Downey joked, "I'm always willing to accept blame for anything that happens within 50 miles of me, but in this case, I felt so glad that I was sober when it happened, (because when I'm not) everything on Earth would be my fault."

And then there was Catwoman. Kron (no relation) channel 4 reported at the time, "Halle Berry was taken to a hospital after colliding with a piece of set equipment while filming a running scene for "Catwoman" but is now back at work, production spokesman Joe Everett said.

"The accident was quite minor, Everett said Tuesday, denying reports that the Oscar-winning actress was hit in the head with a microphone boon and spent six hours in a hospital waiting room."

And then, who can forget the car accident? The Seattle Times can't, "For the record, the actress was cited for leaving the scene of a car accident in February 2000 on the Sunset Strip. She said at the time that she hit her head and has no memory of speeding away from the scene. She was fined $13,500 and ordered to serve 200 hours of community service.

It proved to be a wake-up call for Berry, who said she changed everything in her life after that.

"I really believe you manifest what you think, and I was thinking all wrong before the accident," she said. "Since then, I've started thinking that life is good and that I deserve all the good things that are happening to me."

Mwangaguhunga's President

As opposed to Machiavelli's Prince

(The Corsair will be its snarky and gossipy self tomorrow, but today I'd like to be a little political. Blame it on the Springtime weather here in NYC)

Diane Alouise


Ron Mwangaguhunga to the likely Presidential nominee:

It is customary most of the time for those who desire to acquire favor with a Presidential nominee to come to meet him with things that they care most for among their own or with the things that please him most. Thus, one sees them many times being presented with jars of jelly beans, pork rinds, and McDonald's Fillet O' Fish sammiches, brimming with polyunsaturated fats fitting to their greatness.

Anyhoo: Thus, since I desire to offer myself to Your Hairsprayness with some testimony of my homage to you, I have found nothing in my belongings that I care so much for and esteem so greatly as my snarky commentary laced with acute observation learned from my long experience watching pop culture from the sidelines. Having thought out and examined these things with great diligence for a long time, I have now reduced them to one small blog, I submit it to you, O Hairsprayness,

With regards,
The Corsair

On The First Lady as the Embodiment of American Soft Power

Let us begin at the beginning, and in the beginning was Lucy, the hottest chick in her day, albeit a little short for my tastes at 3 feet, 7 inches tall (then again -- hey -- horizontally, aren't we all the same height). Fast forward to First Ladies, dear readers: for just as foreign policy considerations -- especially those concerning allies -- ought to be led off with the carrot before resorting to the whip, so too should we not discount the importance of soft power. And, as the last standing world superpower, the First Lady is the embodiment of our overwhelming soft power.

The anxiety of influence of being First Lady (ask Hillary about that) comes in coming after Jackie O. In the days of Eleanor Roosevelt and the Great Depression it was enough to be a humanitarian, the times warranted displays compassion, while the President conveyed a steely command of the Republic. And in the days of post-World War II post-Cold War tensions, it was enough to be a June Cleaver clone, like Mrs. Eisenhower.

Jackie O, pre-Greece, pre-anti-Apartheid Mandela backer Maurice Templesman, was the epitome of insular American chic. She was a product of the Fifth Avenue and East End, Virginia hunt club horsey set and Vassar; a French-educated Debutante of the Year, 1948, was perfectly suited to physically represent American culture in the age of intense competition against the Soviet Union. American Capitalism was good -- just look to Jackie, we seemed to be telling the world.

The long shadow of Jackie O -- which runs continuously and unbroken throughout the latter half of the 20th century (just ask Hillary, who, after Health Care tanked, went with the pink pearls Barbara Bush look for a while), shading the cherry blossoms in Washington. Theresa Heinz Kerry is in a unique position to break this shadow-prison and lead us to the next age -- an age of universal law, transparency, democracy and international cooperation.

Heinz presents a sophisticated image with her Swiss-Mozambique accented english, her Old Master painting collection, her deep study of yoga and her multilingualism -- she speaks 5 languages -- as well as an advocacy of literature, not just a librarian's inquisitiveness. Just as Jackie O classed up the joint with invites to Malreaux and Pablo Casals, who played Bach cello suites (has DC ever been so fucking cool?) in the White House, I believe Americans are goddamned sick of all the country music (even those from Kentucky) and want a First Lady to demonstrate American Soft Power, our cultural riches (and, quite frankly the classical music industry could really, really use the help) that arise from our ability to synthesize and blend all the arts and philosophies of the world into our melting pot. Liberalism and art should be stressed against the pathetic, moribund Anglophilia of the conservative movement, with that faint musty odor of Brideshead Revisited ("yes, Chardin was a fine painter, and Elgar a good composer, but what about the American John Singer Sargent and listening to John Cage on a rainy night after some fine weed?"). God bless America, break out the jazz, thank you very much!

We have rogue ambassadors, hot Hollywood actresses like Angelina Jolie and Julia Roberts, who travel to Third World countries trading their celebrity to highlight humanitarian collapse. Heinz would be in a perfect position to continue and encourage Hollywood in this useful role, and, in turn, becoming a liaison between the worlds of literature, art, movies and other cultural institutions around the world, helping our best exports, spreading good will, and -- all good -- raising funds for the maintenance of the mission. Part Hollywood, part Random House, part music industry, part tv land, part museum mile, part Silicon Valley, part fashion houses, the First Lady must be an exemplar of american cultural influence, and, in the process, the premier fund raiser from those institutions.

Resentment overseas that hinder American companies from gaining access could be charmed open by a talented First Lady, the embodiment of American soft power.

On The Anxiety of Influence of Coming Afer Bill Clinton and Run Against the House of Saud

Like Jackie Onassis, Bill Clinton exerts and anxiety of influence over all future Democratic candidates due to his charismatic 8 years in an ocean of conservative Republican rule during the latter quarter of the 20th Century.

The anxiety of influence that has colored Al Gore vanilla, and you -- Senator Kerry -- as fodder for the satirists is heightened by your lack of a definied character.

If you do not define who you are, The President has over $100 million reasons, donated by corporations to paint you in the image of Dukakis, lessons learned from Pappy, George Bush the Elder.

Run against the House of Saud, American enemies, and expert procurer of Russian prositutes; run against Grover Norquist, immensely corrupt Republican power broker, airlifter of questionable Saudi's immediately following 9/11; co-opt, co-opt, co-opt ...

And on matters of the military, they are neither Republican or Democrat at heart (although most will say that they are Republican, as military men and women have strong father fixations) but loyal to any President who doesn't diminish their role in world affairs. This amounts, to a degree, to a bribe. Walking the tightrope of keeping up military district appropriations and pay raises and attatching residents to UN peacekeeping ops will be tricky, but with a robust economy and a moderate Republican Secretary General (think george Bush the Elder, as a gift offering to the xenophobic anti-UN right wing) it can be managed.

On Lies and Manliness

This Presidential election will be all about manliness. The cultural indicators are all abuzz with what it means to be a man and quien es mas macho: upcoming films include extreme renderings of ancient events surrounding the conquests of Alexander and Troy; commentators and intellectuals wrestle with the idea, from George Will to philosopher Harvey Mansfield. Tina Brown has spent the past two weeks on Topic A delving -- rather deeply -- into the "daddy party" and the "mommy party," and how our psychological orientation towards our parents influence the party we go in for.

Even Bill Clinton at the Democratic even last week went on to say of the Republicans and their highly irresponsible deficit spending after the surplus, "They're the 'mature party,' they're the daddy party. They remind me of teenagers that got their inheritance too soon and couldn't wait to blow it."

And, of course, the issue is not masculinity per se, but the mask of masculinity and the fear of terrorism. Even Hillary Clinton coveted a Senate Arms Services seat. This was a key strategic move on the part of Clinton, revealing that she is concerned about the fact that she has no military record in this post 9/11 age, and is, perhaps, hinting at her future national ambitions.

Anti-Bush Democrats, perhaps rightly, were instantly won over to Kerry's -- your -- hypermasculine veteran-issues appeal after Howard Dean and Dick Gephardt beat each other into oblivion in Iowa. Fortune was on your side, and you supplied the manliness issue, John Kerry, well played.

The candidate who appears to be the more manly, more credible in defending the country from future terrorist attacks (which is why the Clarke-Rice debate is at center stage) is most likely to win the general election and the most coveted position in the world, Presidency of the World's Last Superpower.

The American image of the masculine has changed. The slim and patrician Uncle Sam is now buff, drives an SUV, has 50 Cent blaring on the radio; he voted for Schwarzenegger over the lamb-like ineffective Gray Davis (ineffective is the new evil in Buff Hypermasculine America). September 11, in many ways, transformed us into a warrior culture, and the War on terrorism influences all aspects of our society. Firemen, rather than movie stars or athletes, are considered role models, for instance. Working class soldiers returning for shore leave last Memorial Day weekend were greeted in New York like rock stars by leggy Manolo Blahnik-clad urbane Sex and the City types, looking for love. When was the last time that happened? Who flipped the script?

Award-winning WWII historian Paul Fussell's new book;The Boys Last Crusade sums up things nicely, saying, "there has been a return, especially in popular culture, to military romanticism, which, if not implying that war is really good for you, does suggest that it contains desirable elements."

But what of Lies? Men lie about sex all the time; in fact, to men, lying about sex is not truly a lie, it is a way of life, for further reference see President Clinton. But the debate on lies on the political Left is not about sex, but of higher, more important matters: namely, whether or not George Bush lied and if, in saying so outright and boldly they can gain votes in the Midwest, the Southwest and the South.

The moderate left does not want to risk being too bold on this issue, while the Far Left and Far Right have no problem is using the incendiary word: "lie."

The Corsair counsels the Kerry Camp to avoid the use of lie when speaking of the President. It smacks of looniness, to be frank. The Far Left and the Far Right are polarized against George Bush to such a degree as to be illogical: let them be so. They will never vote for Bush and many will vote for you. Do not turn off centrists by using the overheated rhetoric of the ultra-partisans. Also, for the record, the Corsair does not mistake incompetence for conscious lying.

Tim Robbins on MSNBC says of Bush's Vulcans: "I did some research on (The Vulcans in the cabinet: like Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and his deputy, Paul Wolfowitz) and I found out about some of the philosophy they adhere to a kind of elitist philosophy that there are different truths for different people. The idea of the noble lie; that concept exists in the philosophies of some of these people. So I just started writing these characters and that's kind of where the play started. Then I thought, this is fun to write but there is another story here, and that's the soldiers who are serving the country."

Although Robbin's heart is in the right place (or, rather "left" place, as it were), this is a dangerously simplistic view of Leo Strauss' intricate and complicated philosophy of the world. Avoid falling into this trap and allow partisans to make their points -- as surrogates -- without becoming entangled in their faulty logic.
Frankly, The Corsair believes that Wolfowitz himself misreads both Plato and Strauss, but that's another story not for here.

Exhortation to seize the UN and Save It From Irrelevance (and, thusly, from Itself)

Possible future Secretary Generals of the United Nations: Bush, Carter, Clinton, Ford -- on second thought, ixnae on the Ford-izzle. Imagine harnessing the seething ambitions of a failed US President and setting them up as the first effective Secretary General, the first cypher of US power on a global scale in concert with the community of nations: Imagine what we could do with the perennial problems of international slavery and piracy on the high seas and international money laundering and terrorism and the Albanian and Russian mobs, the Yakuza, warlords and oceanic pollution.

The United Nations will remain tragically irrelevant until -- Buddha forbid -- a stray asteroid wreaks havoc or, more than likely, a global epidemic in the scale of the Bubonic will force the world out of complacency and into collective action.

If only we had gone the route of the United Nations and used the goodwill of nations surrounding 9/11 to take control of that confused but infinitely useful institution (now, though, evolving into a significant but useless artifact as a result of the teddy bearish and highly irrelevant leadership of Kofi Annan, now embattled over corruption). It is sadly amusing, with a twinge of red bronze twilight how the Right engages in its favorite sport: Hysterical Criticisms of the UN ("It doesn't work," "tyrannies are on human rights commissions," "following UN mandates puts our sovereignty at risk," "The UN is only after one thang: One World Government)

Oddly, at the same time, by not participating in the UN and playing well with the other nations on this big blue marble called the planet Earth, we are in caught in a tragic self fulfilling prophecy:Blame the UN for being ineffective in combating evil on a global scale and withhold dues in punishment and, voila, you get a UN ineffective in combating evil on a global scale, reductio ad absurdum.

Of course the UN is ineffectual when unlearned hayseed munching rednecks like former Senator Jesse Helms strangled funding and resisted paying UN dues over truly Felliniesque reasoning as "the UN supports abortion in Third World (overpopulated) countries an' ah don' want our dues goin' over ta pay f'r that godlessness."

The Right seems wholly allergic to learning as well as to internationalism or any manner of enlightenment that transcends their own provincial purview of the country music venue. They are, by definition, narrow thinkers (but do not say this out loud, lest you lose the crossover vote). One would think that the threats of SARS and Terrorism and Information Piracy and Piracy on the High Seas (the evil Corsairs who kidnap and kill and rob, at will, since the Babylonians ruled the Near East) would shake them out of their complacency. We are in a global village, whether they like it or not: Welcome to the Age of Aquarius.

The US pays the overwhelming majority of dues at Turtle Bay, and, through our international lawyers -- great minds -- at Mid Century last, influenced by the calamity of Hitler and Nazism, Fascism and Japanese Imperial expansion, basically WROTE the UN Charter, along with British intellectuals, in High Surrealist Fashion, it was the US and Britain that led the unilateralism and heartbreaking bitchslapping of the UN during what history will almost certainly refer to as the Second Persian Gulf War (2003-2003).

(shakes his head) The US could easily after -- through some guile and subterfuge and goodwill and threats and the strategic withholding of monies temporarily control the UN and reform all manner of areas that are currently, well, how does one say it? Spooky. For example, we could revolutionize the Law of the Seas committee, which my father chaired in 1979. The Law of the Seas Committee and International Law pertaining to the law of the seas, which is, in the most polite manner I can muster -- a basket case.

It is time for the US to engage the UN, to take up our destiny as leader of the world -- through the UN, playing well and cooperating with others. It is high time for International Law to be followed and enforced. It is high time for an international Criminal Court (ahh, Kissinger in ankle chains trying to charm an international tribunal). And it is time for the people of the world to stop clutching at kinship of blood and kinship in religion and realize that the only kinship that will bring harmony into this pandemonium of international affairs is a kinship in our shared planetary territory, Our collective real estate, Our Planet Earth.

You, Mr. Kerry, in an act of good will should place a Republican -- preferably George Bush The Elder -- in the place of the ineffective Kofi Annan as Secretary General (you will have the votes, Mr. Kerry, especially after this scandal destroys Annan you promise to pay your UN dues and follow international law). Bush Senior was a UN Ambassador, has friends, understands building international coalitions and will soothe the paranoiac xenophobic hillbillies who instinctively fear the UN. You, Mr. Kerry can lead the world to it's next era, an International Law Era, in which the enemy are the persistent plagues of mankind and not provincial detrius.

Compassionate Capitalism

As The National Review reports, Compassionate Conservatism is dead, RIP. That having been said, compassionate capitalists are the new black, and you, Senator Kerry, would do best to associate with them. Co opt this abndoned piece of policy flotsam from the Republicans. Lou Dobbs nightly and patriotically blasts outsourcing who abandon America in this stagnant jobs economy. Warren Buffett is critical of politics as usual in California, George Soros is sour on the Republican fiscal solutions. Pete Peterson attacked the current climate. Paul Krugman always gets his George Bush on. Why are these men -- all respected capitalists -- veering towards the Democratic Party and why is it incumbent upon you, Senator, bring them under the tent?

One: The association with these respected capitalists, economists and financiers will warm corporate executives towards the Democratic Party and, through that, a new social contract with American workers and the US government, bringing the Democratic party a long way closer to being both the daddy and the mommy party, in the long term, strategically.

Two: The thawing relationship with corporate titans will fill Party coffers, which has been on the decline and is much needed against the wealthy Bush political machine.

basta!

tomorrow, back to gossip and snark

The Passion of Mel Gibson: Religious Actor Allegedly Cheats on Wife

According to that significant cultural artifact the National Enquirer, Mel Gibson cheated on his wife with B movie actress Diane Alouise.

Apparently she passed a lie detector test given to her by the tabloid. She says:

"We drank like fish and made love more than 20 times. He never mentioned God or religion."

Whatever.

New blog posts (September 7) here.

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Angelina Jolie, pilot. Apparently not content with being an Oscar winning actress, UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador, former hillbilly wife and adoptive mom, restless Angelina Jolie, the future Mrs. Mwangaguhunga tells the Daily Record she is studying to be a licensed pilot.

"'My dream is to deliver food and help people get from one place to another.

"'Part of this is because every time (Maddox) sees a plane he's amazed. If I could fly a plane by the time he's four, I'll be like Superwoman to him.'"

My dreams concerning Angelina Jolie and superwomen costumes, however, cannot be discussed here, in a family-friendly blog (come on, Disney might want to buy me out someday; you never know)

Out: The hardest working man in show business, James Brown, is "disgusted" that the po-po didn't let him freshen up before taking his now infamous mug shot.

The singer of "hotpants" told the Sydney Morning Herald (link via ananova), "It was quite comical. You get a man out of bed and that kind of thing happens.

"You don't get a chance to freshen yourself up. You expect that. Later on, I got my shave in and did my hair nicely, and I was smiling."

James -- if I may call him that -- James stressed he wasn't angry about the arrest, just "disgusted." He went on:

"For all I've done, the things I've tried to do and accomplished, just to treat me that way is an injustice in this country.

"I'm not angry about it. I'm just a human being. It happened to our Lord, so who am I? It's been done to goodwill people since time began - Martin Luther King, John Kennedy, people around the world in one way or another.

"I'm no better, and I thank God because it makes me stronger and I keep on going. The people's spirit lifts me. I'm just a human being reacting and I'm going to work."

Let's hope the people's spirit, that antic bastard muse, moves Our Man James to stop beating up his wife and leading the police through multistate PCP-fueled high speed chases.

In: The Florida Highway Patrol, policing the redneck Riviera, used an unfortunate slang word when referring to the girlfriend of a crunked up fellow officer. Apparently, according to the Smokinggun, Officer Rick Benton there is no decorum for a fellow officer arrested. In his actual arrest report, Rick Benton writes of 31-year-old corrections officer Travis McConchie and his girlfriend Bernadette:

"Travis was stopped for speeding 73 in a 45 mph he failed to pull over for approximately 1/2 mile. His girlfriend was naked and weas sitting on top of him with her tits in his face."

Okay, Roscoe P Coltrane: Since when is it okay for a cop to use slang on an official report? I mean, could't he find some burocratic term, like sweater muffins or dirty pillows? Why'd he have to go there? Why'd he have to sound like he was in a bar?

Out: Is Kirstie Alley Out of control? Apparently, Mr. Fucking John Travolta, king of self indulgence, Mr. Buy My own Private Jet, name my son Jett (conceived, by the way, on a romantic weekend at Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's place), fly it at all hours and drive my neighbors batty, and then -- the piece de resistance -- make an unwatchable science fiction scientology religious movie, belives that Alley is out of control, according to The Star:

"Former sex symbol Kirstie Alley's weight has gotten so out of control that, sources say, her good friend (and fellow Scientologist) John Travolta has staged an intervention to help keep her from ballooning even more.

Kirstie, 53, who rose to fame and fortune with her role as the feisty Rebecca Howe on the hit '80s sitcom Cheers, has gone from va-va-voom voluptuous to formidably fat."

In: The Spice Market. So in it's almost out. Page Six notes today that Tom Cruise likes the place:

"Cruise, who celebrated the announcement of his split with (Penelope) Cruz by dining with Will Smith at Spice Market Thursday night, has yet to be linked to another woman. But the star won't be unattached for long, and Hollywood insiders speculate his next escort will likely be a Scientologist because Cruise has been devoting more time to his faith and surrounding himself with fellow Scientologists."

And on Monday it will be surrounded in buzz (as well as the stench of blood and offal from the meatpacking district) as Janet Jackson's album relase party is held there, as Fix reports:

"Virgin Records is throwing a CD release party for Damita Jo on Monday, March 29 for invited guests only. It will be held at Jean-Georges Vongerichten's Spice Market restaurant in New York City. Spice Market is located at 403 West 13th Street."

Out: Michael Jackson. Sometimes the man is so out he's in, but not this time. Although Abrasion Magazine does a hilarious take on Jacko: The Bachelor.

In: The latest crop of British It girl models are being touted by British Vogue. Anna J, "Next - walked for Alexander McQueen, Louis Vuitton, Missoni, Marc for Marc Jacobs, Prada, Burberry and Nina Ricci" and Renee Meyer, "Viva - walked for Chanel, Yohji Yamamoto and Kenzo" are particularly fetching looking.

Out: Hello! Magazine goes mobile: Who's Next? We love our snarky gossip as much as the next person, but isn't it going too far when gossip goes cellular? And you know -- you just know -- that Hello will be followed by Us Weekly and Star and National Enquirer. Down time, as we know it, is almost over; welcome to the world of 24/7 gossip and cell phone nude pics of celebs in compromising positions. Not that we really mind thet, cornbread.

In: Charlie Rangel wants to fight over prescription drugs. The fuzzy teddy bear who represents Harlem in the House of Representatives to the World's Last Superpower is getting punchy over prescription drugs. According to the Hill's Michael S. Gerber:

"The top Democrat on the House Ways and Means Committee threatened to go to the House floor if Republicans deny his request to hold additional hearings on the administration�s alleged cover-up of the estimated cost of last year�s prescription drug bill.

�If we don�t hear from the chairman of the committee, we can take a privileged motion and go to the floor to demand that we get the consideration that�s given to us under the rules as the minority,� Rep. Charles Rangel (D-N.Y.) told Mark Bisnow of PolicyWonk Weekly.

Okay, leaving aside the fact that I have just quoted something called PolicyWonk Weekly, this falls into the Democrat's strategy of tying as many probes and investigations to this administration as humanly possible as the election race heats up; so far I count nine.

In other related news, the rumors regarding Fred Dicker's NY Post column about a vengeful Al Sharpton urging Adam Clayton Powell IV, Rangel's mortal enemy, his nemesis, Moriarty to his Holmes, to run against him again with his backing are sizzling the streets of Harlem.

Out: Kathy Griffin, the D-List. For someone who doesn't care about shallow, fake celebrity culture Kathy Griffith has gone through quite a bit of plastic surgery. Quite a bit.

Anyhoo: That Other Old Gray Lady reviews her new show, the D-List. Virginia Hefferman likes it, apparently.

In: John Fowles.

(Sorry guys. work deadlines prevent me from posting today. I'll post tommorrow.)

Is my Blog HOT
or NOT?

and my blog

and me

William Safire on the 9/11 Commission

Pity the great writer on politics and language William Safire. Why? Well, aside from being a Pulitzer Prize winning former Nixon speechwriter and Senior columnist for the Old Gray Lady, he has a lot of new words to digest and interpret for his On Language column in the Sunday Magazine. These 9/11 hearings have given us all pause, what with their codewords spiralling out into the light of day.

I wonder how Bill would analyze the 9/11 hearings of yesterday?

Hmmm (dreamy fade away):

Actionable Intelligence

What is actionable intelligence? And when, more precisely, is intelligence actionable?

In response to questioning from the 9/11 commission on Tuesday, Secretary of Defense Donald "The Jockstrap" Rumsfeld said, "First, I know of no actionable intelligence since January 20, 2001 that would have allowed the U.S. to attack and capture or kill Usama bin Laden."

But in this matter we will give the last word to DC doyenne Sally Quinn, who is used to such gallant favors:

Washington DC is a matriarchal society and I am the queen bee. Any incoming administration would be ill advised to get on my bad side early in the game. Ask Bill Clinton about that point sometime. Anyway, I received some actionable intelligence via the Hill some time ago that Arianna Huffington coveted my social position. Well, I don't like to kiss and tell, but let's just say Arianna was last seen dropping out of the California recall debacle and producing telemovies. She'll never eat lunch in this town again. Draw your own conclusions.

Sally Quinn,
Washington DC

The Washington Read

"I have not read the book, " is not the sentence that the President utters most often, although, no doubt, he probably does. "I have not read the book," is the answer that many under questioning from the 9/11 Commission offer up.

And what is the book in question? Why: It's Richard Clarke's Against All Enemies.

Everyone it seems used plausible denial when asked whether or not they had read the book in question. Only one respondent admitted to "the Washington read," which entails scanning the index to see if anything is said about you.

This reminds me of an incident between Norman Mailer and William F. Buckley:

"William F. Buckley once sent fellow author Norman Mailer a copy of his latest book. Mailer, disappointed to find that Buckley had apparently neglected to inscribe the book, promptly flipped through the index to see whether he had been mentioned. There, beside his name, Mailer found Buckley's 'inscription' - a handwritten 'Hi!'"

The adjectival Talmudic

Let's get our "boots on the ground" and try to discover the use of Talmudic as an adjective by the 9/11 Commission.

The New York Times Manual of Style and Usage by Allan Siegal and William G. Connolly says of Talmud, "The overall term (literally study) for the body of Jewish oral law and tradition."

But what they don't mention is that studying the Talmud is thirsty work. Influential conservative philosopher Leo Strauss made many innovations in the study of ancient philosophical texts through his intimate knowledge the Talmud (Strauss was a rabinnical student) You won't see President Bush in the near future poring over the Talmud in the West Wing, deep in thought. And so, with that improbably image in mind, any text too complicated for Dubya will hereafter be called Talmudic.

Thank You For Your Candor

After testimony is given the commissioners tell those who have just testified, "Thank you for your candor." Where did this originate?

Candor, of course, is derivative from the ancient Kryptonian city of Kand-or.

"Kandor is ... harbored in the Fortress of Solitude until Superman can one day find a way to free the people from their dimensional prison. Until that day, Cerizah and the people of Kandor will feel safe knowing Superman is looking out for their well being."

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Richard Simmons, that Slapstick little bitch. (ed note: each slap burns a grand total of 15 calories!) Perky and flamboyant was so 90s, we want slap happy, we want gin drinks hurled at unspeakable velocities across rooms. Drama, dear reader, is very in; that never goes out of fashion. Imagine the following scenario: you are a man who likes pastry. You cannot have the pastry. You are a proud man. But your job entails that you be a punching bag for all manner of snarky tv hosts. Sometimes you are afflicted by black thoughts. But you must always smile while in public even when you're crying on the inside.

The scenario above describes Richard Simmons, our Shakespearean fool in short shorts, our chubby muppet-like fitness guru. Only the folks at TheSmokinggun could capture the hallucinatory dream-like character of la vie when Richard keeps it gangsta:

"Richard Simmons was arrested yesterday and charged with assaulting a Harley Davidson salesman during a confrontation at a Phoenix airport. No, that is not a joke. The 54-year-old fitness guru (5' 7", 155 pounds) laid the smackdown on one Chris Farney, a 23-year-old Mesa man (6' 1" and 255 pounds) who happens to cage wrestle in his spare time. According to the below Phoenix Police Department report, when Farney spotted Simmons (whose real first name is Milton) walking through the Sky Harbor International Airport, he said, 'Look, Richard Simmons. Drop your bags, let's rock to the 50's.' Farney told cops he was referring to an old Simmons workout tape. The diminutive star responded by walking over to the strapping Farney and saying, 'It's not nice to make fun of people with issues.' He then slapped Farney's face. The motorcycle salesman, who was not injured, called cops, who cited an 'emotional' and repentant Simmons for assault."

Okay, tout ensemble, people: "Milton?!"

And, seriously, can't you just see Simmons, with dead shark eyes and a icy growl, saying, sotto voce, hands on hips for dramatic effect, "It's not nice to make fun of people with issues."

Then Simmons slowly walks up to Farney, with malice in his eye and bad intentions in the cocked wrist, slapping the Harley Davidson salesman with a haymaker, not so much hurting the man's face, so much as hurting the man's feelings.

Even cage wrestlers get the blues.

Out: New School President and Democrat Bob Kerrey. Kerrey took the opportunity to play the partisan on a non-partisan committee investigating 9/11 by blasting Fox News publicly. Kerry was a moderate Democrat, but the New School is about as far to the left as an institution can possibly go. The New School is so far to the left, that Kerry's presidency has drawn fire. Apparently he wasn't democrat enough! So, keeping his embattled presidency in mind, you can see how Kerry would tone his comments of (makes ironical quote gestures) "outrage." No doubt he will have neutralized opposition to his presidency on campus and be welcomed as the conquering hero in Grenwhich Village by the time you read this blog.

In: Diplomats are the new black. Sidney Pollack is filming The Interpreter in the UN. The Observer writes:

"At a press conference at the United Nations earlier this month, Mr. Pollack said he 'hoped very much' to include some real live diplomats in the film, and was discussing it with the U.N.

"'We�ve had a lot of interest from the various diplomats,' Mr. Pollack said. 'Not only is that better for us, more authentic, but in each case they�ll be playing who they are, so I don�t have to worry about directing actors.' At the moment, the U.N.�s office of legal affairs is looking into the possibility of diplomats doubling as actors."

There are so many poignant lines about Machiavellian politics and acting that I might try out here, that remaining silent would probably be my best course.

Out: Poison's Brett Michaels goes Country. We should have known something was up when he tried to pawn off 'Every Rose Has It's Thorn" as heavy metal fare. The Ap writes:

"Michaels lived in Nashville for a few years in the late 1990s and was back there this month spending time with singer-songwriter Jeffrey Steele, who recently signed with Lofton Creek. Reportedly, Michaels is planning a country version of his song 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn.' And he's already dipped his toes into a country career. He makes a cameo in Tracy Lawrence's upcoming video for 'It's All How You Look At It.'"

On his web site here you can see he is already sporting cowboy hats. Image is everythang, hoss. Once a man transitions his website, more is sure to follow.

This may be the first transition from metal to country ever.

Courtney and Kofi Asare

here

Village Voice: NYPD Admits to Hip Hop Intelligence Unit

Today's Village Voice unleashes a bombshell today sure to reverberate through the music world and African American and latino culture. Apparently, the NYPD lied when the consistently denied, in the press, the existence of a surveillance of those in the hip hop community. This is, of course, utter and complete bullshit, as anyone who has ever seen the dark unmarked detective cars surveilling hip hop tour busses as they line up outside of Sony Music Studios on West 54th street knows.

Dasun Allah of the Voice writes:

"While earlier this week the department acknowledged consulting with Miami authorities, over the years the police brass have consistently denied that there is a team keeping tabs on rap stars and their entourages. A two-month investigation into the existence of such an intelligence squad produced revelations from a retired detective who says he was its founder and architect, and an admission from the NYPD that indeed there are officers assigned to do surveillance on people in and around the hiphop music scene."

He continues:

"'We have an intelligence division and we have detectives that monitor the music industry and any incidents regarding the music industry,'says Officer Doris Garcia, an NYPD spokesperson. 'And in regards to Miami P.D. we did exchange information, and that�s it.'"

Glad to see that under Bloomberg there is a certain frankness emerging out of the NYPD in our democracy, but still, this does not excuse the fact that the police, up until now, and only under direct questioning, out and out lied. And further, they are profiling an industry that is disportionately African American and Latino, which is fucked up.

Dasun Allah goes on:

"Hiphop music and fashion titan Russell Simmons thinks that the NYPD needs to contend with more serious concerns surveillance of rap stars, and questions their utilization of resources. 'They don�t follow around every rock and roll outlaw. They should be following around all these drug dealers that are real obvious,' he says. 'You know who the drug dealers are. You know all of their names. Why are you wasting your police force energy on singers?'"

Oh come on, Russell, you know the cops follow Kid Rock and Alanis Morrissette, you know they do. Uh, don't they?

Read the VV article here.

(Update: a wise reader of the Velvet Rope forums named platinumhussy reminded me that the police used to surveil punk rock clubs, so this is not a new "racial" phenomenon in social science. Do the police have a right to this manner of surveiling? I don't know. Were they wrong in lying about the existence of the unit? I still believe so.)

due to work constraints, The Corsair won't be blogging anything new tommorrow. Sorry

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Miami. A Miami 5 Year old boy apparently sprinkled the sweet leaf on a classmates lasagne at the school cafteria. His bad. The Associated Press reports:

"Police say a 5-year-old boy brought a bag of marijuana to school and was sprinkling it over a friend's lasagna at the school cafeteria before a monitor intervened.

"Police say it is unclear whether the kindergartner at Gratigny Elementary School even knew he was carrying the drugs on Monday.

"The lasagna was confiscated before the other boy had a chance to eat it."

Never let a kindergartener near your stash!

Apparently, Entertainment Tonight is going to do a show on whether or not John Kennedy Jr smoked pot.

"Tonight on ET, we have new Kennedy bombshells: Did JFK JR. smoke pot? Was he diagnosed with ADD? Best-selling author LAURENCE LEAMER (The Kennedy Men: 1901-1963) reveals the shocking news he learned about JFK's son. Plus, we have the personal photos you've never seen before!

"'John took marijuana the same way other people take a martini in the evening,' claims Leamer, whose Sons of Camelot: The Fate of an American Dynasty is in bookstores now.

"In fact, Leamer says JFK Jr., although he was not addicted to the herb, liked it so much he took it over the border to Canada during a road trip with pals. "His friends told me they were worried they'd be arrested,' says Leamer. 'John wanted to bring it with them.'"

Fuck, Kennedy weed. You just know that must be better than hydro.

Out: Hiding crack in your crack. First off, you would think that crack rock cocaine would be outre, I mean, look at what it did to that little old lady who tried to give Junior Soprano a "half and half" last Sunday night.

Anyhoo: According to theSmokingGun, Jovon Williams had a rough night being searched by the police:

"Jovon Williams, a 24-year-old Wisconsin man found himself with a difficult decision to make last week. After Milwaukee cops searched him for drugs, he could have either turned over the goods stashed in his pants, or found a new hiding place. Williams chose the latter. According to the ... search warrant affidavit filed in the circuit court, Williams told police, 'I didn't want to get caught with that dope, I got 18 rocks, you would've done the same thing, I stuffed it way up my ass.' As for the outcome, there's little doubt no stone was left unturned in the search for the crack."

Let's just hope the cops had warm hands.

In: Grief counselling for Martha Stewart Omnimedia employees. The National Enquirer reports that overdramatic workers could whine at operatic lengths to a paid professional:

" ... employees of Martha Stewart's company were being offered 'grief counseling' -- after her conviction shocked, devastated and reduced them to tears.

"After the guilty verdicts were announced, almost everyone felt complete and utter disbelief," disclosed a staffer at Martha Stewart Living magazine.

"'We just couldn't believe that Martha would probably be going to prison.'

"'The mood at the magazine was very somber and subdued -- and it has been ever since.'

"'Everyone was walking around like zombies -- like there was a death in the family.'"

As Martha would say, stone ground crackers go well with that whine.

Out: Access Hollywood's Billy Bush is a dickface.
Jason McIntyre of that significant cultural artifact Star Magazine writes:

"At the Oscars, he brazenly played matchmaker for 13-year-old Keisha Castle- Hughes and veteran actor Johnny Depp. Then he had the gall to ask Naomi Watts, 'Watts up?' Just who is Billy Bush, and why is he always yelling?

Bush, 32, the boisterous first cousin of President George W. Bush (Billy's dad is the brother of the first President Bush), is certainly a rising star. As an entertainment correspondent for Access Hollywood, he has leaned over Alec Baldwin to talk to Sandra Bullock, and tried to ambush Ethan Hawke with off-color questions."

Like I said: a dickface.

In: Buttafucco. As in, Joey Buttafucco. He's back: in jail. He's in jail because he failed, as the Daily News writes:

"Joey Buttafuoco, whose 17-year-old lover, Amy Fisher, became known as the Long Island Lolita after shooting his wife in the head, was sentenced to a year in jail for auto insurance fraud.

"Buttafuoco, 48, pleaded guilty to a single felony count and was immediately booked into the Los Angeles County Jail. Prosecutors said Buttafuoco, who co-owns a San Fernando Valley body shop, told undercover agents how to file phony insurance claims.

"Superior Court Judge David Horwitz also sentenced Buttafuoco to five years' probation and ordered him to pay more than $4,600 in restitution."

The upside is that no one in jail is so desperate as to make Buttafuoco his "mistress."

His Buttafuoco is safe.

Kofi and Courtney: All I Wanted Was Some Chicken Nuggets

Page Six gives us the goods on the apparently not homeless but merely bedraggled breast suckler, Kofi Asare:

"Kofi Asare, 23, tells PAGE SIX he hopes to print the infamous image on T-shirts, and use it to further his dreams of becoming an actor or model. 'First there was Justin and Janet, and now there's Kofi and Courtney,' Asare crows. 'It's great exposure for me. I look at the picture and I think, Wow, that's a classic shot. It's controversial, but it's all in good fun.'

"The photo - which shows a grinning Love pulling down her top while Asare suckles her like a newborn baby - has been burning up the Internet and is rumored to have been bought by the National Enquirer.

"Asare says he was heading into Wendy's around 8 p.m. last Wednesday when he saw Love flashing her breasts at paparazzi outside. 'All I wanted was some chicken nuggets,' Asare says. 'I saw Miss Love flashing everyone. I had to push the envelope. I figured, 'This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.' She flashed me so I was like, 'May I?' She was cool with it. It wasn't like I was trying to do anything to degrade her.

"'I just said, Thank you, and she got into her vehicle with some people she was with. They sped off and the paparazzi sped off after them.' Love was arrested hours later after she allegedly hit a fan with a microphone stand while performing at Plaid.

"Asare, who is black, said he was offended after some identified him as 'homeless' when describing the photo. 'I didn't appreciate being vilified like that,' said Asare, a reservations agent for a limousine company who lives with his parents in Morningside Heights. 'It was an assassination of my character. I'm not homeless. I graduated from SUNY-New Paltz last year. I majored in public relations.'"

I wouldn't advertise a graduation from New Paltz, but point taken. With regards to the more serious allegations about underage sex, the most excellent Page Sixers investigated, and Ted Nugent wasn' returning calls:

"Meanwhile, Love went on Howard Stern's radio show yesterday and gave a rambling interview in which she claimed to have performed oral sex on rocker Ted Nugent when she was a 12-year-old groupie. Nugent did not return our call for comment. "

Nor did he return emails from The Corsair.



(image via the awesome evgrieve)

Brand new posts, January 2009 here.

Courtney's Underage Ted Nugent Sex Allegation

Another day Courtney Love bombshell, but this one is particularly disturbing, so I'll keep the snark to a minimum. One wonders if illegal underage sex is what Nugent means by quality of life upgrade that the Republican Party represents. On the Howard Stern Show today, Courtney Love admitted, after heavy questioning, to allegedly having had oral sex with Republican Ted Nugent at the age of twelve. This is an impossibly horrible revelation -- is there a statute of limitations for this sort of thing? -- and explains quite a bit about Courtney Love's disfunctional relationship to the rock and roll lifestyle.

At the Republican convention several years back, Nugent gushed to ABC News, via a chat:

"I was very proud to assist, with our Ted Nugent United Sportsmen of America Texas members, to send Ann Richards on her terminal nacho date with Cuomo and help elect a real American as governor of the great state of Texas. George W. Is my American Blood Brother."

Nugent runs the Ted Nugent Camp for Kids, which, according to their website:

"Following Fred's direction on their last hunt together, Ted created this incredibly successful Kamp for children to learn about nature and man together. A 100% volunteer 501C3 non-profit corporation. Ted Nugent Kamp for Kids is operated by qualified families and individuals who deeply care about children and their futures. Every child is treated with love, affection and spiritual guidance by our dedicated volunteers. Lessons in resource stewardship, individual accountability, the Ten Commandments, the Golden Rule, Hunter Safety and law, International Bow Education (IBEP ) and basic lesson in life are driven home in an open honest ,caring setting in the wild. Two weekends each summer for kids 9-15 will touch will touch them deeply for up-grade. True North."

Finally, In a Salon interview in 2002, "(Nugent) names a wild boar after Janet Reno ('the only thing missing was the purple dress and he-man haircut'), and describes the same boar as emitting a 'Courtney Love-like squeal.'"

No doubt the very folks Page Six and/or another entertainment outlet will be all over this tomorrow. We hope they can get Nugent to explain himself so we can get to the bottom of Love's serious allegations and whether they have a basis in fact. (Ed Note: this is the end of the grotesque Courtney Love-Ted Nugent info. To my knowledge Nugent has never denied this and Coutney Love has said she was joking but never substantiated the allegations. For more posts on pop culture for May 2011 go here)

Recap, March 2004, Courtney Love on the Stern Show:

I'm sure that the evangelical former governor and current President would be pleased at the relation. Courtney Love called Howard Stern on his cell phone at around 8 am.

"She thinks she can just pick up her phone (and call me) and we'll be doing my radio show," said the amused Stern.

Apparently, Courtney has some trouble distinguishing between real life and the public persona, according to Howard's sidekick.

"He knows how to be Howard Stern when he's off the air," snapped Robin Quivers, curtly.

As the morning conversation continued, Stern asked Love, "so what's going to happen to you?"

"I'm gonna have to retire," replied Courtney, tongue in cheek.

On injured Daily News photographer Dara Kushner, Love was equally snarky, "her nose was grazed, but let's go out in an ambulance anyway."

And Love didn't mince words when it came to backing Howard on his FCC problems.

"Clear Channel can eat me -- give me some (props) for slamming Clear Channel for you."

"... That's very brave," replied Stern.

The two bantered about an upcoming Love appearance on Jay Leno. in which she hopes to come off as normal to America.

"Leno is Letterman Lite," attacked Stern, who has been feuding with the former Doritos pitchman since The Tonight Show swiped Stuttering John Melendez.

Finally, when Stern asked about the homeless man who suckled at her breast, she explained, "we were mobbed at a Wendy's -- I don't remember, he grabbed my body." Then, "how about I punch him and go to jail?"

Then when asked what would happen in her custody battle as a result of the offending picture, Courtney snapped, "don't you go near Francis (Bean), she's fine."

At "press" time, the two were still chatting it up; she had grabbed a cab from her loft came to the studio.

Al Franken: Democratic Party Bouncer

From time to time Al Franken likes to kick a little bit o' Ass -- Republican ass, playa. The other day he used just the right mix of hard power and soft power, so to speak, in a short term domestic conflagration. Didn't you know that Howard Dean's aggro speeches would one day cause some kind of ruckus sooner or later? The New York Times Magazine(subscription required) captures the frenzied mood surrounding Al Franken's rather "punchy" ass-whipping of a confused protester at a Howard Dean campign rally with the appropriate amount of gusto.

But let me set a little ambiance for you, cornbread, cause that's the sorrt of thing Bloggers like to do. (plays Europe's The Final Countdown) It is "the Sunday before the nation's first primary," at a Howard Dean rally in downtown Manchester. The New England winter is crisp; the mood is one of fighting back. The Republicans have been eating the lunch of the Democratic Party since Ca-lee-fohrn-eeaaah, and the midterm elections and, of course, the Supreme's 5/4 dance number that handed the Bushies the keys to the White House.

Anyhoo: Our man on the scene, the NY Times writer, one Russell Shorto, feels it important for us to know -- at the outset -- that Franken's tushy is the stuff of the Gods, ambrosial:

"From 1966 to 1969, Franken was a member of the varsity wrestling team at his high school in Hopkins, Minn. Six years after graduation, when he showed up in New York to begin work as a writer on the first season of 'Saturday Night Live,' he was still almost as much an athlete as a comedian. ''He seemed like a total jock,'' says the comedian Laraine Newman, who was a member of the original cast. 'He always had a football in his hands when they were writing. And he had this very defined musculature. His butt was like a cut basketball. Which, you know, you don't normally see in comedy writers.'"

No, no, one doesn't, Mr. Shorto, to be sure; but The Corsair's former girlfriends don't complain, we are in our early 30s after all is all I'm saying.

Anyhoo: Let's bring on the rassling. Now for a spot of the old rough and tumble, Harvard-style --- bring-it-on!:

"Onstage, Martin Sheen speaks first, then Dean's demure wife, then the suddenly embattled former governor of Vermont himself. Sometime after Dean begins taking questions from the audience, a manic-looking heckler starts to heckle, accusing Dean of 'covering up for Dick Cheney.' He gets louder. A couple of spindly members of Dean's security team approach him uncertainly; he swings his arms and keeps shouting. It goes on for several minutes and seems to be veering toward actual violence. Dean, the media, the members of the audience: nobody knows what to do."

Oh, but our man Franken does, does he ever (wicked Rumsfeldian gleam in eyes):

"At this moment Franken turns, cocks his head slightly, gives that well-known magnified, tortoise-shell-framed gaze and says: 'I think the two of us can get him out. You wanna do it?' After a pause that is meant to be emphatic, I say, 'No.' But it's too late: he's off, in rumpled jeans and a big down jacket, plowing up the aisle."

Al Franken's old school like that. When he cocked his head you just knew: it was on like Gray Poupon. The Corsair imagines the Harvard educated simian, rumpled jeans and big brown jacket ruffling in the wind, the accoustical sounds of Six Million Dollar Man bionic sound effects stacattoed in the background (da-da-da-da-da ...) as Franken-in-slow-motion-bolt approaches that unfortunate looney, head low and spectacles fogged:

"By this time there is a confused scrum around the heckler, who is holding his ground and still ranting. Franken hits the floor, wedges himself among a couple dozen legs and puts the man in a wrestling hold, grabbing him at the knees."

One can almost buckle at the beauty of the writing at this New York Times sports section style commentary, like that unfortunate freak, tumbling down the slippery slope into Prose Heaven. Oh, tell us more:

"That destabilizes him, and others now quickly push him down the aisle and out the side door of the theater."

Oh Al, destabilize the GOP; destabilize!:

"Franken gets up, looking dazed; his glasses are snapped in two. He's quickly swarmed by confused but excited reporters who want to know, like, what was he doing?"

He's kicking ass and taking names, gentlemen, Harvard-style. Snapped spectacles be damned! The Democrats are mad as hell and they're not gonna take it.

Read the rest of the NY Times profile.

Way to go, Big Man; at the upcoming Boston Dem convention, Big Al will be taking on a Larouchie with a weak knee. Be there or be square ...

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: According to NBC News Chief Foreign Affairs correspondent Andrea Mitchell on the Chris Matthews Show on Sunday, Hillary has let it be known in the Senate cloak room that she wants the Kerry Veep slot. Now, if only she had a strong military background, pull in the Southwest and was a prisoner of war in Korea. Then she'd be idea. Oh, and if only she were a Republican.

Out: Alexandra Robbins. She is following up her best selling expose of Skull and Bones with Pledged: an expose of sororities in general. If only she had been tapped as a Bonesman, none of this vitriol would be streaming out of the presses.


In: In an odd flash of anger, Ebert and pony boy Roeper unleashed some of their own vitriol on Hollywood on their tv show last week:

Roeper: "(The Soprano's) is better than more than 50% of the feature movies we review here."

Ebert: " --When you say more than 50%?"

Roeper: "Probably more like 75%"

Ebert: (stares angrily into the camera) "Yeah."

What the fuck?!

(*shivering* sips Cutty Sark) Ahh, the pause that refreshes!

Out: Was Dick Clarke's 60 Minutes chat with Leslie Stahl an infomercial? Well, I notes that it would have problems with the right on Saturday, but not this particular set of problems. For one, Clarke's career was pretty much down the drains because he falsely predicted that the next terror war would be cyber, rather than the old fashioned variety. But does that make 60 Mins last night and infomercial? Matt Drudge seems to think so:

"60 MINUTES pro Lesley Stahl is said to have been aware of the conflict before the program aired.

[CBSNEWS.COM did add a disclaimer to its Internet coverage of the book over the weekend: "Against All Enemies," which is being published Monday by FREE PRESS, a subsidiary of SIMON & SCHUSTER. Both CBSNews.com and SIMON & SCHUSTER are units of VIACOM." And CBS RADIO did carry a disclaimer in its news coverage of the book.]

" ... Earlier this year, it was Stahl who also profiled another author on 60 MINUTES -- for another book owned by VIACOMCBS -- without any disclaimer!

"'The Price of Loyalty' by former Treasury Secretary, turned Bush critic, Paul O'Neill was financed, produced and released [and rolled-out at CBSNEWS] by VIACOM's SIMON & SCHUSTER.

"Coming in future weeks, best-selling author Bob Woodward is set to release his PLAN OF ATTACK, a fresh look at the Bush White House.

"Will the Woodward VIACOMSIMON&SCHUSTER product debut on: VIACOMSIMON&SCHUSTERCBS's 60 MINUTES?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: STAHL'S INTERVIEW WITH CLARKE WAS THE TOP-RATED SHOW OF SUNDAY NIGHT WITH 11.9 RATING/19 SHARE.]

Hey, Drudgie poo, do you think you can you tone it down with the all caps, please? I had a long night of drinking. Thanks much.

In: Big Knickers ... huh? ... no, Sir, I am not a racist, I said Big Knickers, not ... oh, never mind.

Anyhoo: as Kylie Minogue notes in Blender via Ananova, thongs are out, and big knickers are in, ostensibly to cover up all those buttock implants going around:

"Kylie told Blender: 'Big knickers are back. Women want comfort again. And I don't mean the sort of underwear our grandmothers wore.

"'It'll be more French and sexy, but definitely bigger. The G-string is last year's thing. The thong is gone! The flossing has finished!'"

Out: Airheaded but sexy older woman Deborah Norville got spanked by Howie Kurtz on Reliable Sources on Sunday. No, not like that, get your minds out of the gutter.

Apparently, Norville's gang on her new MSNBC talkfest (stinkfest?) mistook an Onion story for a real news story and ran with it. Embarassingly, Norville's peeps denied that they had gotten it wrong, telling Howard Kurtz when he asked for comment that they were in on the joke, meant the story as a spoof and simply forget to credit the Onion. Riiiight. When we want a sexy older woman, we'll go with Old Hag.

In: Doing things naked. Last week we noted Darryl Hannah and Carmen Electra, suspiciously close to upcoming projects, admitted that they like to jog and play drums, respectively -- in the buff!

Add Alanis Morrisette's name to the bunch. She notes that she likes to walk around naked:

"The singer who appeared naked in video Thank U, said: "I walk around naked all the time. I'm a leave-the-bathroom-door-open nudist, which is sometimes disconcerting for my friends."

"She says even her parents share her habit of discarding their clothes at home. She added: 'We all walked around naked when it was appropriate, there wasn't a lot of shame to it.'

"She says her parents were on the 'periphery of hippiedom' although she herself didn't totally embrace the hippie lifestyle, says the Daily Record."

Oh yeah, she just happens to have So-Called Chaos coming out on May 17 on Maverick Records, but that's just a coincidence, peeps.

fin

(we'll always be together; together in electric dreams)

Al Franken: Democratic Party Bouncer

From time to time Al Franken likes to kick a little bit o' Ass -- Republican ass, playa. The other day he used just the right mix of hard power and soft power, so to speak, in a short term domestic conflagration. Didn't you know that Howard Dean's aggro speeches would one day cause some kind of ruckus on the left hand side? The New York Times Magazine(subscription required) captures the frenzied mood surrounding Al Franken's rather "punchy" ass-whipping of a confused protester at a Howard Dean campign rally with the appropriate amount of gusto.

But let me set a little ambiance for you, cornbread, cause that's the sorrt of thing Bloggers like to do. (plays Europe's The Final Countdown) It is "the Sunday before the nation's first primary," at a Howard Dean rally in downtown Manchester. The New England winter is crisp; the mood is one of fighting back. The Republicans have been eating the lunch of the Democratic Party since Ca-lee-fohrn-eeaaah, and the midterm elections and, of course, the Supreme's 5/4 dance number that handed the Bushies the keys to the White House.

Anyhoo: Our man on the scene, the NY Times writer, one Russell Shorto, feels it important for us to know -- at the outset -- that Franken's tushy is the stuff of the Gods, ambrosial, a hasty pudding if you will:

"From 1966 to 1969, Franken was a member of the varsity wrestling team at his high school in Hopkins, Minn. Six years after graduation, when he showed up in New York to begin work as a writer on the first season of 'Saturday Night Live,' he was still almost as much an athlete as a comedian. ''He seemed like a total jock,'' says the comedian Laraine Newman, who was a member of the original cast. 'He always had a football in his hands when they were writing. And he had this very defined musculature. His butt was like a cut basketball. Which, you know, you don't normally see in comedy writers.'"

No, no, one doesn't, Mr. Shorto, to be sure; but The Corsair's former girlfriends don't complain, we are in our early 30s after all is all I'm saying.

Anyhoo: Let's bring on the rassling. Now for a spot of the old rough and tumble, Harvard-style --- bring-it-on!:

"Onstage, Martin Sheen speaks first, then Dean's demure wife, then the suddenly embattled former governor of Vermont himself. Sometime after Dean begins taking questions from the audience, a manic-looking heckler starts to heckle, accusing Dean of 'covering up for Dick Cheney.' He gets louder. A couple of spindly members of Dean's security team approach him uncertainly; he swings his arms and keeps shouting. It goes on for several minutes and seems to be veering toward actual violence. Dean, the media, the members of the audience: nobody knows what to do."

Oh, but our man Franken does, does he ever (wicked Rumsfeldian gleam in eyes):

"At this moment Franken turns, cocks his head slightly, gives that well-known magnified, tortoise-shell-framed gaze and says: 'I think the two of us can get him out. You wanna do it?' After a pause that is meant to be emphatic, I say, 'No.' But it's too late: he's off, in rumpled jeans and a big down jacket, plowing up the aisle."

Al Franken's old school like that. When he cocked his head you just knew: it was on like Gray Poupon. The Corsair imagines the Harvard educated simian, rumpled jeans and big brown jacket ruffling in the wind, the accoustical sounds of Six Million Dollar Man bionic sound effects stacattoing in the background (da-da-da-da-da ...) as Franken-in-slow-motion-bolt approaches said interruptor, head low and spectacles fogged in anticipation of crunk:

"By this time there is a confused scrum around the heckler, who is holding his ground and still ranting. Franken hits the floor, wedges himself among a couple dozen legs and puts the man in a wrestling hold, grabbing him at the knees."

Oof! One can almost buckle at the beauty of the writing at this New York Times sports section style commentary, like that unfortunate freak, tumbling down the slippery slope into Prose Heaven. Oh, tell us more:

"That destabilizes him, and others now quickly push him down the aisle and out the side door of the theater."

Oh Al, destabilize the GOP; destabilize!:

"Franken gets up, looking dazed; his glasses are snapped in two. He's quickly swarmed by confused but excited reporters who want to know, like, what was he doing?"

He's kicking ass and taking names, gentlemen, Harvard-style. Snapped spectacles be damned! The Democrats are mad as hell and they're not gonna take it.

Read the rest of the NY Times profile.

Way to go, Big Man; at the upcoming Boston Dem convention, Big Al will be taking on a Larouchie with a weak knee. Then on to The Boston Convention where Al competes in a three way dance with John "da crippler" Irving and Don "da spoiler" Rumsfeld. Be there or be square ...

Pret a Wafer[Reuters]
Jean-Paul Gaultier conjures a surrealist wardrobe made entirely from bread.

Upper East Side Barbie [NY Post]
"It was hard not to love Egon, but living in Europe was really hard for me. When you don't speak the language fluently, you're just a Barbie doll."

The Face of South African Fashion Week [Vogue]
Charlize Theron will boost South African Fashion Week's international presence.