President Howard Stern?


Howard Stern mentioned this morning that he may consider running for President.

Of course he will not, ultimately, for several reasons, some of which are:

1) He will not reveal his current salary and IRS forms to the press, for fear that Thesmokinggun.com would pummel him.

2) He is past his prime and will not -- even if he registers new people to vote -- break 5 percent.

3) He would probably -- if he ran -- help reelect Bush, which is, for him, a nightmarish FCC scenario.

4) It would fuck up his ABC TV Barbara Walteresque deal, which begins in the spring, on a limited basis.

Instead of running for President, Stern should (and could) broker a deal --shnell! -- with Senator John Edwards for an endorsement before the Super Tuesday primary. Stern could give Edwards his endorsement -- in the best of all possible worlds --if the Senator promised to run to reform the FCC, for the better. This would have to be done on the morning show tommorrow in time to make a difference in the Super Tuesday primary. Time is of the essence here.

Other than that, Nader could possibly swoop in and make the promise and get the Stern endorsement (*recoils in horror*).

There is no doubt that this election will be one part economy, and one part cultural, with Stern on the one side, and Mel Gibson on the other, representing the twin polarities of our democractic life. Bush congenitally plays the culture card when the economy tanks, just like his daddy and the "Flag desecration" amendment.

Note to John Edwards: Make this happen.