Halloween Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



Winnie the Pooh, or the fellating bear from "The Shining." (image via thecobrasnake)



Worst. "Johnny Lawrence" from Cobra-Kai. Costume. Ever. (image via thecobrasnake) (image via thecobrasnake)



Man-in-Chewbacca-costume, after the "magic brownie." (image via thecobrasnake)



"Rusty pipes!" (image via thecobrasnake)

"The Cobra" Strikes: "Mischievous Destabilization" and Dowdmania!



The Anti-Judith Miller. (image via gawker).

Because, let's face it: It's Maureen Dowd's week, bitches: we're only Pulitzer-less media tourists passing through her antic, madcap world of DC social mountaineers in mid-career climb. Former sex-addict Michael Douglas may be presently bestowing fat-ass rubies to his sweet Zeta-Jones, but he let the real gem fall through his spidery-veined clutches when he let Maureen Dowd get away.

There's Dowd, flame-hair tussled, Noir-exuding journo, fending off Scooter Libby's tequila-soaked advances (2nd item, Lloyd Grove, link via wonkette); no, wait (The Corsair hesitates; walks briskly) -- there she is, profiled in former colleague Adam Moss' brand-spanking new edition of New York Magazine. There, Ariel Levy writes of the infamous Judith Miller Saturday takedown:

"Dowd herself floated down and took center stage, with a remarkable Saturday column titled 'Woman of Mass Destruction.' The piece began with the words 'I've always liked Judy Miller' a statement that seemed laughably implausible when, a few paragraphs later, Dowd described being bumped from her seat at a White House briefing by the shamelessly aggressive Miller.

"Dowd came off smelling suspiciously roselike: 'I could only laugh.' The column ended by, for all intents and purposes, calling for Miller's dismissal. It was a classic Heathers move, a savage put-down delivered with comic panache.

"Dowd voiced what many at the Times felt the piece cut surgically through the murky facts and mea culpas and got to the core issue. Still, some thought she'd crossed a line by going after a colleague, no matter how reviled that colleague had become, and saw the column as grandstanding."

No, more like bitchslapping, said we.



"Keep 'em coming, sailor." (image via NYTimes/Jeff Riedel)

And what are we to make of the feature in the New York Times Magazine? What's a red-blooded guy to do? Can we ever get too much of a cosmic exploration of the Maureen Dowd universe?

Perhaps. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) The Dowdiverse, or, "Dowdworld," as we learn, through all the profiles this week, has a perfumed atmosphere suffused with The Vintage, namely: "feathered ornaments," sly references to Dorothy Parker and Art Deco, Marvelettes lyrics, "lam�," and the like.

Still, the lurid aura of the burlesque notwithstanding (Averted Gaze), what do we have to say about all of this? Tood Purdham tells New York, rather salaciously, It's almost impossible not to be a little bit in love with Maureen ... She's bewitching. Maureen is ... a sorceress.'"

Smarts and charm and wit and a dash of illicitlt frienship with George Bush The Elder comes to mind); We say: Who says men don't like women who use their critical faculties? We don't know such a person and we don't want to know such a person.

(NYTimes Magazine)

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via tomgpalmer via newsweek)

In: Steve Jobs, Apple CEO. Of course Steve Jobs is half-Syrian, peeps -- cause Steve Jobs is the bomb!! (Forgive us? Really, forgive us: We are Ugandan-born and can truly appreciate the exquisite surreality of a crisp dictatorship joke)

But we digress. According to Staci Kramer of PaidContent:

"Maybe, just maybe, there's a business in portable video after all. If Steve Jobs had listened to, well, last year's Steve Jobs, he wouldn't be able to announce that Apple's U.S. iTunes store has delivered more than 1 million video downloads since the Oct. 12 debut of the video iPod. Jobs via press release: 'Selling one million videos in less than 20 days strongly suggests there is a market for legal video downloads. Our next challenge is to broaden our content offerings, so that customers can enjoy watching more videos on their computers and new iPods.'"


(image via eva-longoria.net)

Out: Eva Longoria's "Love Branding." Overpublicized media tart Eva Longoria informs us -- she is always informing us -- this time, via the 3AM Girls, that, well, she's "love-branded," not unlike a calf -- but, then, what a capital calf she is:

"DESPERATE Housewives hottie Eva Longoria is so dedicated to basketball-player boyfriend Tony Parker that she's had his initials tattooed on an, um, intimate part of her body.

"'You can see three of my tatts, they're all on public display, but the one that has Tony's initials is only seen by him,' confesses the 30-year-old.

"'I'm not saying where it is - but let's just say he gets to view it on a very regular basis!'"

Like your name in the press. Thanks for sharing, Eva. Really. (Averted Gaze)

CBS' rheumy eye? (image via pbs)

In: "Ask Andy." Although our obsessive blog-love of the whole Vaughn Ververs-Larry Kramer CBS Eye Blog enterprise is unnatural (though no more unnatural than urinal pissing matches at Black Rock), and, as a result thus far completely unrequited, we blog on, commenting, relentlessly, on their site in the vain hopes that -- someday -- they will see that my blog-love is pure, if fevered ... and need not be protected by a 20-foot restraining order. (Call me, Larry?)

Today, they commend us to "Ask Andy Rooney" in the Ten-Plus-One question session. Goody. We have so many questions for the loveable, Methuselan 60-Minutes commentator, such as:

-What was your man-on-the-street reaction to that whole Industrial Revolution motherjazz business, huh Andy?

-Was the advent of the electric car and the historical exit of the horse-drawn carriage greeted -- in your firsthand observation -- with shock and baited breath?

-How did the citizenry promote general wellness before the Pasteurization process and the process of vaccinations were invented, huh Andy?

'Cause enquiring minds want to know, Andy; (sotto voce) enquiring minds want to know. More CBSEye here.

(image via prweb.com)

Out: Jay Leno. Call us rabidly East Coast, but when we are home and semi-sober in the wee-hours hours of the night (Not bloody often, quite frankly), we prefer David Letterman to Jay Leno. Hands down. Leno is entirely without edge. When he's not nestled snugly in an office-supply closet spying up some tasty intel on the state of his future employment (Averted Gaze), creepy, skunk-haired Late Night punk-ass host Jay Leno makes his way to NY to read from his crappy children's book. ("Stealing an old friend's dream latenight show gig is a virtue, kiddies ..") According to our favorite gossip superhero duo, Rush and Molloy:

"Johnny Carson's heir surely knows his first rule: Never get too serious �? even when the next governor of California is declaring his candidacy.

"To those who think his questions are all softballs, he says, 'I'm not a hardball guy. I'm a comedian. It's not what we do.

"'Turn to 'Nightline' -- there is an excellent program opposite me that will have the hard answers for you. That's not my job.'" Nice.

(image via usnews)

In: The Gang of 14's Green Light. The ascension of Samuel Alito as a Bush nominee to the High Court raises the political importance of the soi-dissant Gang of 14, but, more particularly, the 7 Republicans within the group (Assuming, of course, that Democrats remain united and force a filibuster to keep O'Connor on the Court at least through January) and how Alito handles the Abortion question. Will pro-choice Republican Moderates -- like Olympia Snowe, Lincoln Chaffee (Facing a white-knuckle primary battle against conservative Cranston, RI mayor Stephen Laffey) and Susan Collins -- support Alito? The Democrats -- if united -- will only need 5 defections; could those be Moderates? Will the Democrats avail themselves of the filibuster? And, if so, does that result in the rearming of the "nuclear option."?

Everything depends on the Gang of 14 and, more importantly, the Republican moderates, like the stately John Warner, from Virginia foxhunting country. How will they decide Alito stands on abortion.

Page Six Blind Item

Who is this? We wonder, from those intrepid Page Sixxies, who are "Just Asking":

"WHICH swishy pop star who won't admit he's gay is dating a well-known interior designer? The decorator is recovering from his previous boyfriend's tragic death, while the pop star is equally despondent about his ailing career ... "

Ricky Martin (Whose comeback album debuted at #6, selling just 73,000 copies)? Jacko? Who? (Ed Note: Anonymous reader "Sillie" guesses, intriguingly, Clay Aiken) More "Just Asking" here.

Jude-Sienna-Sadie: WTF?!



(image via flawless.free.fr)

It's enough to give an enquiring mind a case of cognitive vertigo, Jude Law's lawless lovelife is. Editrixes at Conde Nast can presently pout in the Gehryteria once again over their "foreign African-American" cusine (We'd suggest the deviled eggs). First Jude cheated with the Nanny. Then, the Six Commandments were issued. Then, Sienna was found to have cheated with the Blond Bond and Jude dumped her. Then she caused a scene, turning "Puce" after Law was spotted with latina bombshelll Salma Hayek. Then there were reports of a thawing with the deliciously melancholy Sadie Frost and Jude (?!!), despite the fact -- mirabile dictu -- that she was the one who found out the Nanny was cheating through her son! (!!)

And now ... according to the extrememely downmarket NewsoftheWorld, Jude and Sienna may be back on together:

"... In yet another twist to their on-off relationship, both emerged from his north London home on Saturday afternoon after spending the night together.

"They hoped to take a taxi but when they realised newsmen were outside the pair quickly changed their plans.

"As they walked down the path Jude told Sienna: 'You go in the taxi, I'll take the car.' Sienna replied: 'But there are people out there.' Jude told her: 'Don't worry, it'll be fine.'"

"A source close to the couple told me: 'We just can't keep up with what's going on.'"

Neither can The Corsair. The full report here.

Prince Charles on 60 Minutes: "The most important thing is to be relevant"



Is Prince Charles relevant? (AP Photo/CBS News, Paul Mottram)

Are aristocrats ever "relevant" in a democratic age? What is the social role of the aristocrat, other than, it seems nowadays, to live a life of idle leisure, occasionally affixing the odd door price to a party thus raising funds -- along with glasses of the fizzy -- for good works? Sure, their eccentricities are fun to gossip about; often their looks are singularly striking -- but are they, really and truly, a cultural phenomenon to be taken seriously, or are they simply an outmoded vestigial limb on the body politic? One thing is for certain, they wield nothing of the power they once did in the early ages of civilization.

Steve Kroft gets Prince Charles, in his first American interview in a decade, on the couch to wrestle with some of those questions. And it looks like The Corsair is in love with 60 Minutes all over again even after we threw an online tantrum last week (Please refrain from the sports-on-60-Minutes, guys, its not the proper forum). According to CBS.com:

"It�s not easy being Prince Charles, the heir to the British throne says in his first American television interview in more than a decade. He offered a rare and personal look into the life of a royal. The most difficult thing about his role is being relevant, when his words can be dismissed because of the ivory-tower perception people can have of him, the prince tells 60 Minutes correspondent Steve Kroft, Sunday, Oct. 30, at 7 p.m. ET/PT. Asked by Kroft what the most difficult part of his job is, the prince replies, 'The most important thing is to be relevant. � It isn�t easy, as you can imagine,' he says, 'because if you say anything, people will say, �It�s all right for you to say that.� It�s very easy to just dismiss anything I say. � It�s difficult.'

"Relevancy for Prince Charles means backing up his stated wishes with real projects and efforts that can fulfill them. To bring to life his desire for harmony among the social classes and respect for the environment, for example, he has developed a village dedicated to accomplishing those goals. 'What I�ve tried to do is to put my money where my mouth is as much as I can. � by actually creating models on the ground,' he says, gesturing to the buildings of Poundbury, a village he has developed that is built of native or recycled materials where people of all income levels live side by side. Poundbury is just one project of dozens the prince oversees in his many functions that also include being a philanthropist, ambassador, an advocate for minorities and the underprivileged, as well as a spokesman � indeed, a symbol � of tradition. It all comes with the territory says Prince Charles, a duty to his country that he describes for Kroft: 'I would list it as worrying about this country and its inhabitants. That�s my particular duty. And I find myself born into this particular position. I am determined to make the most of it.' Prince Charles uses his influence to raise $200 million a year for 16 charitable organizations, 14 of which he founded himself. The largest of them, The Prince�s Trust, provides job training for young people. Another project he began helps older, downsized workers start their own businesses. He believes endeavors like these would never have come to be without his efforts. He hopes he�s making a difference and that people notice. 'I try (to make a difference),' he tells Kroft. 'I only hope that, when I�m dead and gone, they might appreciate it a little bit more.'"

See a video clip and read the full transcript on CBS.com

Chris Matthews: Pissing off Scooter Libby



(image via burnisongroup)

We like us our Chris Matthews. He's like crack-cocaine to us politics geeks (And doesn't the West Wing rock this season?). Sure, he has bluster; but Matthews cuts through Washington spin like a hot knife through butter. Have you ever seen him defang the noxious gasbag Rahm Emanuel? He's like motherfucking Picasso. We have a pet theory that it was Matthews' relentless nightly mentions of Ahmed Chalabi's $300,000-plus US paycheck that eventually led to Chalabi's falling out of favor with the neocons in the Bush Administration. Just an intuitive media guess. Now, according to HuffPo, Matthews incurred the wraith of the recently indicted Scooter Libby, which, indeed, is an unbad thing:

"On or about July 10, 2003, LIBBY spoke to NBC Washington Bureau Chief Tim Russert to complain about press coverage of LIBBY by an MSNBC reporter. LIBBY did not discuss Wilson�s wife with Russert. (page 7, Paragraph 20.)

"Right after the indictment was released to the media, Tim Russert told MSNBC viewers that Lewis Libby called him that day to complain about a reporter's comments on a cable show.
He did not identify the reporter or the show.

"A little sleuthing on Lexis-Nexis turned up this Hardball transcript for July 8, 2003. The reporter is Chris Matthews .."

Now, if we could only get Chris to replace that lamentable aquamarine painterly attempt at "Art" -- Abstract Depressionist? -- in the background of his Sunday talk show, we would be most pleased. It seriously makes our eyes bleed each and every Sunday morning and we just want it to stop. We are connoisseurs, you see (Libra Moon, you see), and thus have very particular tastes as to what is ... The Beautiful. (The Corsair gingerly sparks a Cohiba Romeo y Julieta Vintage #5)

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via cb21.co.jp)

In: Yahoo Music: The New MTV? Ask any plugged-in, thoughful "tween" and they'll tell you, dejectedly, that MTV has all but given up on the music video game, opting, instead, after producing new content --Think: DVDs for Paramount. As Yahoo! head of programming and label relations Jay Frank says to Billboard (via Yahoo news), "The Internet is now leading where the music video business is going." We agree, brother; the online triumph over the music video genre is quite significant (Astonishing, really, considering the valuable key demographic primarily affected by all of this). As usual, we go to Rafat Ali at PaidContent for the heavy lifting of the new digital landscape:

"Of all the Yahoo content efforts, this potentially will be the most disruptive, even though it may not seem like so initially since it has been doing some variations of it for a while now: Yahoo is launching a music video debut service November 1, where it will feature the online debut of a different music video each weekday. The videos will be available online at Yahoo exclusively for 24 hours. Most will be world premieres, though some will have simultaneous TV releases. The focus is mainstream acts.. Another show will StopWatch, which will highlight emerging acts, based on a user's music-listening history and stated preferences. Among the other reasons why it makes economic sense for both Yahoo and the labels, music videos for online-only are cheaper to produce. Plus the numbers themselves: about 3 billion music videos were viewed on Yahoo last year, and AOL says it receives 3 million-5 million music video requests per day at AOL Music. If this is not the new MTV, tell me what is... "

We can't Rafat. We simply can't.



Why is this man smiling? (image via thinkquest.nl via AP Photo/M. Spencer Green)

Out: Dick Cheney. Is this the end? If the Libby indictment is indeed not the end of it all (Libby being, according to TheHill, "the first White House aide indicted in 130 years"), and the investigation travels further on up the food chain, then, quite frankly, all eyes will focus on Cheney. Even Dick Morris thinks so. Cheney is not yet a millstone around The President's supine neck -- but he could become one. From the Old Gray Lady, who waxes wise:

"Vice President Dick Cheney makes only three brief appearances in the 22-page federal indictment that charges his chief of staff, I. Lewis Libby, with lying to investigators and misleading a grand jury in the C.I.A. leak case. But in its clear, cold language, it lifts a veil on how aggressively Mr. Cheney's office drove the rationale against Saddam Hussein and then fought to discredit the Iraq war's critics.

"The document now raises a central question: how much collateral damage has Mr. Cheney sustained?

"Many Republicans say that Mr. Cheney, already politically weakened because of his role in preparing the case for war, could be further damaged if he is forced to testify about the infighting over intelligence that turned out to be false. At the least, they say, his office will be temporarily off balance with the resignation of Mr. Libby, who controlled both foreign and domestic affairs in a vice presidential office that has served as a major policy arm for the West Wing.

"... Christine Todd Whitman, the president's former EPA administrator and a longtime Bush family friend who was critical of the White House and the Republican right wing in a recent book, said that she did not expect the president's personal relationship with Mr. Cheney to change. Nonetheless, she said she believed that if more information about Mr. Cheney's involvement in the leak case becomes public, 'and if it keeps hanging around and getting close to the vice president, he might step aside - but that's an extreme case.'"

And then, Vice President Giuliani? (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)



(image via bloomsbury)

In: David Margolick. The last time Dreamworks SKG had anything to do with Vanity Fair, the words "scumbags" were exchanged, Hollywood shook, averted Gazes were exchanged and powerbrokers were taken off each other's party A-List. (The Corsair pours himself a peppery Napoleonic-era Cognac) Let's hope then that this little VF-SKG collabo is less heated and calmer heads prevail. According to Liz Smith:

"Writer David Margolick's rich, thought-provoking boxing history, 'Beyond Glory: Joe Louis vs. Max Schmeling,' has been optioned by DreamWorks, for big-screen possibilities. This is the perfect studio for Margolick's vivid book, which is so much more than a story of body blows and shots to the head. It is an astonishing � shame-inducing! � time capsule of American racism, the threat of Nazi domination, and rich character studies of two wildly disparate sports heroes � the reserved Louis and the flamboyant Schmeling."



(image via snitch.ch)

Out: The Kate Moss Snitch. The Corsair hates "snitches." (The Corsair slowly, menacingly, draws a finger across his neck) Snitches employ devious means to sabotage the efforts of the interesting to gain the favor of Tha Man (tm). The Kate Moss snitch was, we're not surprised, a "mate" of former rent-boy and perennial crackhead, Pete Doherty. According to ThisisLondon:

"The man believed to have filmed Kate Moss snorting cocaine in a sophisticated sting operation has been traced by the Standard.

"The 25-year-old, who lives in a council flat in Whitechapel, is an acquaintance of Pete Doherty, the pop star boyfriend of Moss.

"It is alleged he had a spy camera concealed in his jacket at the notorious recording session where the model was caught on film.

"But the man's lawyer today moved swiftly to prevent his identity becoming public, threatening the Standard with an injunction."

Ah, to be the most uncool man in the UK. (Averted Gaze)



Hello, sexy. (image via 3AMGirls)

In: Naomi Campbell. We love us a woman that is at least 3/4 "crazy-insane." Gymnastic flexibility is also a plus, but we digress. As we were saying, psychotic compulsions augur well with regards to 'neath-the-sheets sac-action, n'est-ce pas? And Naomi Campbell -- who actually beats people with her electronic gadgets and doohickeys -- certainly qualifies as hott, and more than a little "titched-in-the-head." This (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment), from the 3AM Girls:

"The Streatham supermodel didn't attend a lavish showbiz do in New York, hosted by her pal Damon Dash, because it started unfashionably early - and the organisers refused to alter things for her at the last minute.

"Naomi was one of the VIP guests Dash had invited to an exclusive party celebrating the launch of a 5th Avenue showroom for the Tiret watch brand, which the hip-hop mogul owns with jeweller Daniel Lazar.

"The Rolls-Royces had been booked, the Cristal champagne was on ice and the caviar was ready to be served. But before the doors opened at 7pm on Wednesday, 35-year-old Naomi had decided that she didn't like the arrangements.

"An insider tells us: 'Naomi asked that the whole Tiret showroom launch party be rescheduled because it started too early for her. Apparently she doesn't like to go out to parties that are early evening.

"A Rolls-Royce was booked for Naomi to use for the evening, but she didn't want to come out unless it was after 10pm."

Solipsism? Bitchery? Fear of catching a stray beam of sunlight? Nah; that's just Naomi being Naomi. And we love her for it. Call me?



Bah humbug! (image via cnn)

Out: Sino-American Relations. Our favorite Dickensian villain, Robert Novak, conveniently found himself halfway around the world when the "Scooter" Libby indictment was being handed down. We can only imagine the wicked fun Our Ebenezer had with the mandarins of Beijing, trading, no doubt, methods of suppressing peasant uprisings without leaving bruise marks (Averted Gaze). In China, Novak makes himself useful, gathering 2 pieces of interesting information, namely:

"Sources close to communist leaders say they're not really that concerned with nuclear weapons in North Korean hands but are aggressively engaging in the six-power process to please Americans."

This, The Corsair knew (Why should Kim Jung-il threaten Beijing? We never caught that rationale), but never had actual corroboration. And:

"The issue cited by (Assistant Foreign Minister Shen Guofang) and other Chinese officials most dangerous to Sino-American amity is the Taiwan question. But sources say the regime actually is not eager to incorporate Taiwan as long as it does not move to independence. With the Kuomintang party apparently poised to regain power in Taiwan, the independence threat would be gone for now."

Good job, Novak. Now, back to funtime with the Mandarins over a no doubt positively polyphonic Chinese cuisine.

Page Six: "Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell have become slightly bloated"



Does this man need a training bra? (image via utopolis)

It happens. Hard drinking catches up. The behavior of liquid in equilibrium under the forces of gravity while swilling Beefeater Gin all conspire, quite brutally, to rob us of our crisp twentysomething looks and leave mere mortals looking awfully Kennedyesque. We regret to inform you that Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell have become slightly bloated. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) We would suggest switching to Amstel Light, or, better, shots instead of beers, but it appears to be too late to forstall the inevitable. According to those intrepid Page Sixxies:

"The long awaited version of 'Miami Vice' is threatening to become a big disater for Universal, with the picture far behind schedule and way over budget, insiders say.

"Sources tell PAGE SIX the screen version of the popular '80s TV series that starred Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas is mired in production difficulties including:

"... Stars Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell have become slightly bloated, with Farrell sporting 'beer boobs' due to their constant partying in Miami. Farrell, in particular, has been carousing at almost every hotel bar and club in town, at times drinking VOX vodka straight from the bottle."

And so, Farrell and Fox go the way of other bloated actor-holics, like Oliver Reed.

Why We Love John Danforth



Plato's Statesman. (image via AP via YahooNews)

Former moderate Senator and UN Ambassador John Danforth, who is, incidentally, an Episcopal priest and an early supporter of human rights in Sudan came out swinging against the Evangelical right. Educated freethinkers everywhere rejoice that this wise man is speaking out against what we like to call in a derisive voice "Karl Rove's people." From Daniel Connolly of the AP:

"Former Sen. John Danforth said Wednesday that the political influence of evangelical Christians is hurting the Republican Party and dividing the country.

"Danforth, a Missouri Republican and an Episcopal priest, commented after meeting with students at the Bill Clinton School of Public Service, a graduate branch of the University of Arkansas on the grounds of the Clinton presidential library.

"'I think that the Republican Party fairly recently has been taken over by the Christian conservatives, by the Christian right,' he said in an interview. 'I don't think that this is a permanent condition, but I think this has happened, and that it's divisive for the country.'"

We couldn't agree more.

(Due to an assignment, No posts tomorrow)

Siegfried & Roy Insider Claims Siegfried is a "Tyrant"



"Solid Gold! Filling up my life with music." (image via rscottcooper.com)

As we type this in we are in the fetal position, doubled over in fits of explosive laughter begging for the blessed respite of sweet oxygen. There. (The Corsair inhales) We're better now; we're copacetic. We couldn't make this shit up if we tried. From Lisa Sweetingham of Court TV:

"The bodyguard who once protected tiger tamer Roy Horn of the Siegfried & Roy magic duo claims that Siegfried Fischbacher is a 'tyrant' who overmedicates and humiliates the ailing Horn, who is still recovering from a tiger-mauling incident."

To recap: In that one juicy sentence we heard mention of a "tiger mauling incident," a "magic duo," and, finally, tyranny. Continue:

"''Siegfried was a tyrant and had loud, explosive outbursts at the plaintiff and at Roy,' says the civil suit filed by Louis Mydlach, a former Siegfried & Roy insider.



During better days. (image via guardiantiger)

"'[Fischbacher] forced Roy to take medication, even when Roy begged to not be medicated,' the suit claims."

Is all this done in their native German tongue? Would the glottal clashing of consonants add more flavor to this funk? Becuase the thought of a Frankenstein-monster-like stiched together patchwork that is Roy, screaming, "Nein! Nein" at the light-loafered approach of Siegfried just cracks us up even more. No subtitles needed, get this trial on network tv. Shnell!

Debbie Mazar's Celebrity Baby Shower



(image via mylovehewitt)

Kim Hastreiter, our favorite Scorpio godmother of downtown chic, knows how to tell a story. Her wonderful column in this month's nightlife issue of Paper on becoming a dog owner ("Romeo" Hatreiter has even been in Page Six and Rush and Molloy; can one be jealous of a mutt?) is heartwarming.

Kim went to Debbie Mazar's baby shower. The outer borough accents were in full-effect when Aida Turturro, Debbie Mazar, Victoria Gotti get together. This, from the Papermag blog:

"Went to a really fun baby shower last night for my old friend Debi Mazar, the actress you may know as the hot looking dirty tawking PR bitch from HBO's Entourage. Deb, who lives in LA, was in town for a few days and her old friend Robert decided to throw her a little get-together at another old friend (yeah, we're all old, huh?), the art director Marc Balet's drop dead Broadway loft.

"Now I didnt know this guy Robert, but when he called to invite me last week, his campy heavily New Yawk accented voice sounded SO familiar. The second I arrived I was like AHA when I saw him. Turns out he's that hilarious guy who's Victoria's gay sidekick on the Growing up Gotti reality show. He's been friends with Mazar for years. Between Debi and Robert's hardcore outer borough accents, their conversations are semi-hilarious.

"Speaking of cartoon accents, Debi and Robert weren't the only ones with that special New Yawk twang. Vict-aww--reea (gotti) arrived all dressed in white and caused the biggest 'gift' stir as she plopped a huge Hermes shopping bagged prezzie for Deb in the booty pile. (It was a baby blanket). Her look is beyond. That hair. Oy."

More, including a Drea de Niro sighting. (Papermag)

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via pantherfilmfest)

In: Danny Glover. Danny Glover's performance in "The Color Purple" was so fucking brilliant, so over-the-top, that The Corsair and his sister like to shoot each other random lines, emoting with just the right flavor of Glover. He's like Brando in that film, he's so good. The lo ultimo moment is when Glover runs at Whoopi Goldberg after she decides to leave with Shug Avery. Glover's "Albert" breaks into a brisk, menacing jog and is clearly en route to do some grievous bodily harm to Goldberg. To which Whoopi's Seely responds, quietly, by meaningfully pointing out two "juju" fingers -- like a Haitian conjure woman -- thus stopping the scenery-eating Glover dead in his tracks, saying, calmly, "I curse you. Until you do right by me, everything you touch will crumble ..."

(A considerable pause) Deep. But we digress. Glover is on board at DreamGirls, Brad Grey's big budget I-Fucking-Love-You to David Geffen. According to Cinematical:

"As part of their quest to line up every semi-big name black actor on earth for the production of The Supremes Totally Rule Dreamgirls, DreamWorks has added Danny Glover to the cast. Glover, who is probably very relieved to have been cast in a movie without Mel Gibson that people will actually see, joins Eddie Murphy and Jamie Foxx as the men who will get the hang out with Beyonc�/Diana Ross. He'll play Marty Madison, the manager of Murphy's character, 'womanizing R&B star James 'Thunder' Early.'"

If we hear Jamie Foxx sing one more time ...



(image via internet-general)

Out: Judith Miller. She's got a spiffy new Gawker area. She likes chamber music. She got a standing ovation on the hill. But the cadaverous Washpo editor Ben Bradlee isn't buying any of that hype of Our Miss Helmet Hair. Humbug. According to Jeff Bercovici of WWD (link via Poynter):

"Among the many gray heads at Mike Wallace's book party was that of legendary Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee. What did the man whose reporters trusted him with the identity of Deep Throat think of Judith Miller's situation vis-�-vis her New York Times colleagues? 'Well, it helps if your source is right,' he said. 'It really does help a lot. And she had a whole bunch of sources that were wrong � really wrong. So she's behind the eight ball to start.' And what should the paper do to set things right? 'I don't want to go there. I would have a plan to get out of that jam. They haven't got it yet.'"

... That's what Sally Quinn said. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)



Alec Baldwin and Sigourney Weaver. (image via NYSocialDiary)

In: The Central Park Conservancy's Halloween Ball. Sorcery would explain why Sigourney Weaver looks so timeless. (The Corsair swoons, briefly) According to our favorite social chronicler, David Patrick Columbia in NYSocialDiary:

"... we moved on to the Central Park Conservancy�s 10th annual Halloween Ball, held in their 'haunted castle' (a tent erected across the road from the Bethesda Steps � mid-Park at 72nd Street). Chaired by Monica Gerard-Sharp and Suzanne Cochran, it was a 'hauntingly' (gawd that word is everywhere tonight) magical evening of cocktails, dinner, and dancing to benefit the Conservancy.

"More than 600 guests turned up. Laurence Craig Catering fed the ghoulish, the foolish and the famished. Matthew David provided the 'hauntingly magic castle.' The celebrity judges of the best costumes were: Alec Baldwin, dressed like a British barrister, Sigourney Weaver dressed as a sorceress, Frederic Fekkai turned out with a touch of Zorro, Felicia Taylor (I didn�t see her get-up but I�m having lunch with her today, so I�ll get the rundown) Nicole Miller (also didn�t see � I don�t think) and WABC�s Sam Champion was emcee."

We could say something positively citric about the ghoulish irony of Alec Baldwin, who is going through one of the more contentious celebrity custody battles in recent memory, donning the garb of a .. judge, but -- we shalln't. (Averted Gaze)



The amazing, cohesive properties of plastic on exhibit. (image via zap2it.com/Richard C. Soria)

Out: Nicollette Sheridan and Nicklas Soderblom. We don't know why we are so obsessed with Nicollette Sheridan's love life. We just are. For it containeth multitudes of pure chewing satisfaction. In fact, we believe every heterosexual man in Hollywood is connected by "the sex degrees of Nicolette Sheridan." (tm)

We first became fascinated by her relationship with Nicklas Soderblom when rumors surfaced that they met when she saved him from an impending shark attack. We have it on good authority that the shark backed down on the grounds of "professional courtesy." (Averted Gaze)According to Rush and Molloy:

"Nicollette Sheridan and actor Nicklas Soderblom have called off their engagement. A few days ago, the 'Desperate Housewives' star laughed off rumors that she and her fianc� were calling it quits. Yesterday, Sheridan's rep confirmed to People it's over."

Next?



(image via ktusfm)

In: The Ed Bradley-Howard Stern Interview. We can't tell you how much we are looking forward to Ed Bradley interviewing Howard Stern on an upcoming "60 Minutes," and the possibility of Howard breaking down and crying on the streets of Roosevelt, Long Island, the black neighborhood where he grew up. From Marksfriggin:

"Howard said he's tied up with 60 Minutes until about 6pm tonight and then next Monday for the whole show. Ed Bradley will be in on Monday to do his thing and to talk to the rest of the crew after the radio show. Robin had no idea that was happening so Howard told her it was supposed to be an impromptu interview. He's supposed to go to Roosevelt with the crew to visit his old neighborhood and he's afraid that he's going to break down and cry. He will be walking the streets with Ed Bradley though so maybe they won't be mugged. That led to the guys talking about Ed Bradley who some people think is gay. Howard said he found out the guy is straight and has a hot wife. They spent a minute on that and then talked more about the upcoming interview. "

Who thinks Ed Bradley is gay? Okay: the earring in the 90s, questionable judgement; the uncompromising love of Jazz, perhaps. More:

"He's going to let the guys at 60 Minutes walk him through the interview and not try to control it the way he usually would. He is afraid that taking him through Roosevelt might make him emotional. He said that when (The pre-interviewer Ruth) suggested doing that, he said he had a strange feeling shoot through him. He remembers how bad things were out there and what it was like growing up there so it could bring back some bad memories when they visit. He really doesn't want to cry on TV... ever. Robin and Artie said that would be funny if that happened."

We're so there.



(image via columbiajournalism)

Out: Jann Wenner, Interior Designer. It takes a unique aesthetic consciousness to know just what goes where a propos of decor. Ask Frank Gehry's padawan Brad Pitt. Wenner Media Hobbit Jann Wenner, it appears, has that special "it." (The Corsair pours himself a dry sherry) Or, maybe he's just a Baby Boomer control freak who, unfortunately, turned out just like the cats he used to rebel against. (Averted Gaze) According to Lowdown:

"Magazine mogul Jann Wenner's scary inspection tours of his employees' offices are notorious. So it's no surprise that folks are blaming Wenner for the now-you-see-it, now-you-don't sofa in the office of Rolling Stone assistant managing editor Jason Fine. According to Wenner Media lore, the proprietor recently peered inside Fine's office, saw his ratty green couch and ordered it removed. Days later, the story goes, Wenner didn't like Fine's uncomfortably couchless decor and demanded that the thing be immediately restored. But then Wenner allegedly reversed course again, and had the couch taken away for good.

Miers Withdraws



Best. Governor. Ever. (image via dallasnews)

Miers withdraws. Was it all, in the end, some supersecret evil-genius ploy by Senator Harry Reid to steal the last remaining huffs of oxygen out of the Bush Administration? We'll never know. Again, we cannot say this was out of the blue. As we blogged:

"As we said Thursday, we cannot possibly see -- logically -- how Miers could be confirmed if the Democrats and Republican conservatives combine forces on the perfectly defensible charge of 'Swell Person: but clearly unqualified; Next?' (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)

"Of course, The President would want -- but probably not ask out-and-out directly -- for Miers to gently withdraw from consideration, thus saving the embarassment. There is nothing in Ole Harriet's psychological profile, by the way, that suggests that she has ever denied the President any of his whims. This way, politically at least, The President could, ostensibly, save the next three years (A public Borking and Senate defeat of Miers would all but certainly signal with a brutal finality the utter 'lame-duckness' of this Administration)."

And so, Miers is saved from aggressive questioning on American held detainees. "The process" will now duly be blamed. References to Clarence Thomas's "high-tech lynching" will be brought up. "Borking" will be opined about. Chris Matthews will begin "Hardball" tonight with, "Is the process for nominating a Supreme Court Justice becoming too contentious? God, I tell ya .." And, unfortunately, the very real fact that Miers simply wasn't qualified will be lost in all the rhetorical blather.

(Richard Botto, could you email me? I don't have your new email addy)

DMX to Face 60 Days on Lockdown



(image via showbizireland)

Our favorite blood and offal bespattered rapper is in trouble again (Who'da guessed?). According to Janee Bolden of SOHH:

"DMX must serve as much as 60 days in jail after pleading guilty to violating the terms of his conditional release stemming from his arrest at New York's Kennedy Airport last year.

"The rapper, born Earl Simmons, appeared in front of Judge Dorothy Chin-Brandt yesterday for the second time this month. This time he admitted to committing two violations while his driver's license was either suspended or revoked, according to the Queens district attorney's office.

"Prosecutors said DMX admitted he was taking Valium when he crashed his SUV into a gate at JFK on June 24, 2004, after telling a parking lot attendant he was a federal agent."

Hmm. Impersonating a federal agent, post-September 11, when you're a world famous rapper on valium with a suspended licence and he still only got 60 days! DMX's lawyer is a legal sorcerer.

(Richard Botto, could you email me? I don't have your new email addy)

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via cbssportsline)

In: Sean McManus. He's got his work cut out for him, Sean does, this November 7th when he takes over The Ring of the Nibelungs from departing CBS prexy Andy Heyward. Can he draw out the synergy of football into the moribund news department at CBS? Time will tell. According to Reuters:

"McManus, who has served as CBS Sports president since 1996 and will retain the title, will replace Heyward on November 7. Heyward, who resigned, will stay on until the end of the year.

"The move comes at a time of much soul searching in the U.S. network news business as highly coveted younger viewers have tuned out the evening news in favor of seeking information on the Internet."

And the brilliant Staci D Kramer at Paidcontent sums things up, nicely: "However freaked people in the news division might be because he comes out of sports, his appointment shouldn't change the CBS News digital agenda and his involvement on the sports side probably makes him the best possible successor when it comes to maintaining that momentum."

Good luck old boy, say we, but please -- please! -- leave the "60 Minutes" formula alone!



Asshole. (image via TheObserver/ Drew Friedman)

Out: Al Franken. What a prick. He fairly reeks of prickiosity. There's something creepy about Al Franken that just rubs us the wrong way. We can't precisely say what it is, but it rankles mightily. Perhaps it was the way he hassled the adorable 14-year old Theo Spielberg on "Topic A" a while ago on the subject of goddam Social Security, before Arianna Huffington actually intervened in the conversation. We, quite frankly, don't like his ass; and we never -- ever -- laughed at a fucking "Stuart Smalley" skit (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). From the salmon-colored weekly:

"Comedians perform bits, and Mr. Franken was so pleased with his that he did the same shtick again, this time for the benefit of an even more Middle American crowd: viewers of the Today show the following Tuesday morning. It�s a constituency that he might be aiming to reach more often in the future. Mr. Franken recently announced that he�s uprooting his life on Manhattan�s Upper West Side and moving himself (and his wife) to Minneapolis to pursue a career in politics, including a possible run for a 2008 Senate seat in Minnesota, where he grew up.

"But his appearance on Mr. Letterman�s show raises the question of how the still very blunt, idiosyncratic and rant-prone Mr. Franken will make the transition to the typically staid and earnest world of state government, and whether he will change politics or politics will change him."

We can think of no one more blue-state-buffon than Al Franken; he is almost an obscene parody of the Manhattan, Chardonnay-sipping, I'm-Right-and-you're-a-hayseed crowd. We wonder how Al Franken, obsessed with defending the United Nations against the admittedly opportunistic depradations of the thoroughly sleazy Senator Norm Coleman, will fare in the heartland of Minnesota, where, to be sure, there is great philosophical sympathy with the ideas of internationalism. Right? (Averted Gaze)



Faux-talk. (image via thebscorner)

In: The Colbert Report. This show is like crack cocaine, despite the lamentable buzz-killing props from Alessandra Stanley (Hipness dies when lauded by the New York Times). Despite what the Baltimore Sun says, The Colbert Report is kicking ass and taking names (And the web appears to have embraced it as well). Colbert's arched brow take-no-prisoner- O'reillystyle is on the upswing, strengthening the already ferocious double-barreled stronghold that the Daily Show Empire has over Comedy Central. If comedy writers are on top, The Corsair is happy. According to MedialifeMagazine:

"Show on the rise: 'The Colbert Report,' Comedy Central, Monday to Thursday, 11:30 p.m. The new series premiered last week with 1.2 million total viewers, up 76 percent from the prior four-week average and improving on its year-ago time period average by 197 percent. 'Colbert' averaged a 0.7 18-49 rating, up 67 percent from the previous four weeks."



There's a Zucker born every minute. (image via nypost via wireimage)

Out: NBC, The Desperate Network. Is the Elder Brother of the New York Media Elite a "Zucker"? The usually sober Kurt Andersen may want to reformulate his Zucker-boosting in light of this news, from the NYPost (Via Bloomberg):

"NBC Universal Chief Executive Officer Bob Wright said the NBC television network is 'desperate,' and rebuilding its program schedule will take more than one season.

"'We are definitely a desperate network right now,' Wright said yesterday.

"'It's going to take a few years to get back to where we were,' he said of NBC's previous first-place ranking.

"NBC has lost viewers in the current season, in which 'The Apprentice: Martha Stewart' and 'Inconceivable' haven't appealed to large audiences. The network had ranked No. 1 for eight of the past nine years before last season."

In other news, CBS was seen offering the "desperate" NBC a crisp C-note and an armful of smack for a quick "beej" on the hush-hush.



(image via edge.org)

In: Tuesday's at Michaels. And speaking of "beej": Where's Michael Wolff? Still no sign of him at Table 5 (Could he have moved his base of operations to Bette? The Four Season's?). Our favorite social chronicler David Patrick Columbia recounts some of yesterday's power lunch crowd in NYSocialDiary:

"Tuesday at Michael�s the beautiful-can-be-funny Candice Bergen was lunching with super-agent Toni Howard. Authoress Doris Kearns was there with her husband Richard Goodwin; Peter Brown with Eden Collingsworth. Around the room: real estate magnate and philanthropist Elihu Rose; the new Time editorial director John Huey, literary agent Binky Urban, Atoosa Rubenstein, Lisa Birnbach, Steve Mosko, Jack Meyers, Meredith Brokaw; Angela Mariani with shoe-guru Candy Pratts Price and Eva Cavalli; former Marlboro man Chuck Pfeifer, film director Fred Schepisi; Clinton fund-raiser, investor Alan Patricof, Robin Melanie Leacock; Grace Meigher with Hilary Geary Ross, and Jamee Gregory, et al."

And, as the NYTimes' T Magazine informs us obliquely, via "talking points," Candice Bergen has the best "neck work" they've ever seen.



(image via cheapestdvdmovies)

Out: The Wesley Snipes, Jean-Claude Van Damme Vehicle. (The Corsair takes on a grave aspect) Jean Claude Van Damme is not an ass. (A considerable pause) Okay, yes, yes he is, who is The Corsair trying to fool anyway? Only an ass would wear the name "The Muscles from Brussels" wholly without irony. Who in their right minds would pay to see a Snipes-Van Damme collabo pic, in the 21st Century, no less (Averted Gaze). The whole project reeks of the late Bronze Age. This, from EW's Popwatch:

"Wesley Snipes and Jean Claude Van Damme are teaming up as a boxer and his bodyguard in The Hard Corps -- get it? (The story is at Production Weekly -- click on 'october twenty-six.') Is this a step up for JCVD, or a step down for Snipes?"

It's a flavorful step, with ass akimbo, in the direction of Spengler's Decline of The West (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment).



(image via fashionweekdaily via wireimage)

In: Harajuku Lovers' LA Launch. The Corsair has always wondered whatever happened to our old Paper Magazine crush, the sizzling Jauretsi Saizarbitoria, who ran Paper Special Events -- parties -- back when we did an online gig there back in the mid-90s; Jauretsi always struck us as someone who would one day become a celebrity of some kind. It appears she's now a DJ in LA, spinning records for the likes of Demi and Ashton. Go, Jauresi! According to Peter Davis of the excellent Fashionweekdaily:

"To get to the party, guests rode an enormous elevator that had a small bar serving glow-in-the-dark drinks in plastic test tubes. Upstairs, DJ and documentary filmmaker Jauretsi Saizarbitoria (in a hot pink dress) spun old-school disco and rap. The music was so slamming that Demi Moore�s daughter, Scout, spent hours gyrating like an MTV video star with a small posse of her teenage friends. The Daily is now totally obsessed with Scout, who boogies better than anyone we�ve seen out in a long time (and we go out a lot).

"Nearby, Scout�s step-dad, Ashton Kutcher (in black jeans and a black leather jacket) had his arm around wife, Demi. At one point, Ashton, Demi, and Scout were all moving to the music while simultaneously tapping out emails and text messages on their T-Mobile Sidekicks. In L.A., a family that Sidekicks together, stays together.

"... Also in the crowd: Daryl Hannah in white jeans and ankle boots, Robin Anton, founding member of The Pussycat Dolls, The Los Angeles Times� Booth Moore, Scott Baio (making out with a young blonde in a corner), Vogue�s Amy Hall Browne, writer Peter McQuaid and actress/Zac Posen muse Paz de la Huerta, who hung out mostly by the DJ booth."

This sounds like a perfect LA event, all but the well-past-the-expiration-date mentioning of Scott Baio, which, truth be told, was entirely unnecessary -- What's next, a Bai Ling reference? -- and kind of made us dry heave, just a little. Just a little. The full story here.

CBS News-CBS Sports: What's the Diff?



(image via nndb)

Is Leslie Moonves Utah Jazz-ing up the CBS News? "Naked News," or "Jockstrap News," what's the diff, really? Our crystal balls are clear (And so, we cannot fail to note, are our more organic ebony ones as well). We can't say we didn't see that muffin coming from a mile away, lobbed by CBS brass. According to Gawker, CBS News President Andrew Heyward is throwing in the towel and headed for the locker room. They write, "Andrew Heyward, president of CBS News for the last decade, announced this morning that he�s quitting. He�ll be replaced by CBS Sports president Sean McManus, who starts in 10 days and, in what might well be a desperate bid by the network to capture some Arledgian magic, will retain his sports job, too."

Swell and lovely. Yesterday, we prophetically wrote, a la Mike Wallace:

"Is it just us, or is Les Moonves avoiding the old CBS News paradigm like a junkie cycling himself off the smack via sweet methadone? First, there is the very noticeable boosting of 'Sports' on 60 Minutes -- a new development which, we cannot fail to note, scored boffo ratings albeit with some critical opprobrium from this blog -- now, the once mighty Mike Wallace gets braught low with the proverbial 'gasface' (tm)."

And, crankily, we wrote on Saturday:

"Congratulations to "60 Minutes" on acquiring a sole sponsor; let's hope, however, that in the process, beloved CBS News (Beloved to The Corsair, at least) didn't have to sell it's "journalistic sweet ass" in the process. Will the 38th season be the season "60 Minutes" finally succumbs to the Shark (Okay, the godawful Clinton-Dole debates come close)? Granted: Sunday is sports day, especially on CBS in the afternoons and into the early evenings; and granted, CBS wants to hold on to that valuable demographic. But CBS Sports and, quite frankly, the entertainment division in general is overstepping its bounds -- mightily, this season -- and is jocularly muscling its way into the personal space of that paragon of investigative broadcast journalism, '60 Minutes.'

"Note to CBS Sports: Get out of 60 Minutes' 'Zone.' And while, yes, The Corsair can understand why Les Moonves might want to marry the profitability -- and zesty young demographic -- of the entertainment division with the prestige and gravitas of news department (Isn't that what this blog does anyway, or, at least, tries to do, anyhow?), there is no need, no need, to change the tried-and-true recipe of '60 Minutes' so dramatically. Three weeks and three sweaty sports stories is about as subtle a maneuver as a sledgehammer, guys. '60 Minutes,' we cannot fail to note, is not the Naked News.

"(A considerable pause) What is up with '60 Minutes' this season? Is it just The Corsair, or is 60 Minutes -- this season, post-Don Hewitt -- putting extra-special emphasis on sports and entertainment, and less and less on war trouble zones, entrenched corruption, emerging trends, and generally the types of pieces that essentially made us fall in love with '60 Minutes' in the first place?"

All snark aside: Frankly, we do wish Sean McManus luck; he'll need it. The current Methuselan demographic that fiends for their CBS News fix are a fickle lot, resistant to change -- unless, of course, that change is of minty-fresh adult undergarment variety. We humbly submit our multi-consonanted names for your consideration with regards to "jazzy" CBS News commentators. We shall not be silenced, unless -- that is -- Mr.McManus make us an offer at Black Rock we can't refuse.

CBS News press release here.

CBS Eye Blog here.

Memo at Mediabistro.

Mike Wallace Gets the Gasface



(image via brainwavescience via cbsnews)

(The Corsair puts on a jazzy old Benny Goodman 78'' to get in the swingin, octagenerian mood) Is it just us, or is Les Moonves avoiding the old CBS News paradigm like a junkie cycling himself off the smack via sweet methadone? First, there is the very noticeable boosting of "Sports" on 60 Minutes -- a new development which, we cannot fail to note, scored boffo ratings albeit with some critical opprobrium from this blog -- now, the once mighty Mike Wallace gets braught low with the proverbial "gasface" (tm). One can almost feel the invisible gauntlet of the dark Darth Moonves closing in around the supine neck of the vulnerable CBS News division. The cartilege is cracking, can't you hear it! This, from Rush and Molloy:

"Rivals at NBC are gloating now that CBS eminence Mike Wallace has turned first to the Peacock Network to promote his new memoir, 'Between You and Me.'

"'Nobody was interested at CBS,' claims Wallace, who taped a sitdown with Katie Couric for 'Dateline NBC' on Sunday, with another segment to run on 'Today' the next day. 'CBS knew the book was coming,' Wallace says. 'It's really strange. Nobody reached out.'

" ... says one source, 'There's nothing in Mike's book,' which Publishers Weekly called 'tepid' and 'dull.' And since Wallace told Time that CBS chief Les Moonves couldn't compare with the company's late founder, Bill Paley, some at Black Rock are just as happy to let NBC have him."

Tepid? Tepid like infamous Mike Wallace's meatloaf, of which we once wrote most snarkily:

"Can you just see Mike Wallace in the back of the limo, agitated, the 60 Minutes clock is ticking -- ticktickticktick; his temperature rising, he's sweating a cold sweat right now, adjusting his tie, his bad dye job glistening, he's emitting grandfatherly smells, and the officers are chatting away with his driver, probably althewhile eating doughnuts, causing Wallace's mouth to water

"...Now look at Mike ... it is a few minutes later ... the gravy is now coagulating in his doggie bag, oiling the paper, seeping through to his neatly pressed slacks, perhaps even soiling his Depends undergarment. And he thinks of how he used to be. The holy terror of the 1970s; Ayatollah-like. The Dean of Guerilla journalism. CEO's guilty of financial improprieties broke into a brisk sprint when our man Mike Wallace chased them with a cameraman in tow, shouting, on the hoof, 'Can I ask you a question, sir,'.

"THE Mike Wallace ... reduced to THIS?

"The poor guy just snapped. There are few joys, few comforts of senectitude, and mashed taters and meatloaf slathered with heart valve clogging bone gravy are that aplenty."

Mike Wallace, wholly without respect; to paraphrase the Methuselan Clara Peller, "Where's the Beef au Jus?"

A Little of the Old In and Out



Rosa Parks begins to conclude the American legacy that began at Fort Sumter. (image via americaslibrary)

In: Rosa Parks. The end of the Civil War and, immediately following, the sudden death of Abraham Lincoln left the American racial question tragically unresolved. On December 1, 1955, when a tired Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat to a white patron in the Jim Crow south, she started what would later become known as the American Civil Rights movement, the concluding chapter of a legacy that begun at the firing on Fort Sumter. From GrandTimes:

"'Our mistreatment was just not right, and I was tired of it,' writes Parks in her recent book, Quiet Strength, (ZondervanPublishingHouse, 1994). 'I kept thinking about my mother and my grandparents, and how strong they were. I knew there was a possibility of being mistreated, but an opportunity was being given to me to do what I had asked of others.'"

And thus the wheels of history were set in motion. Lincoln struggled to preserve the Union; Rosa Parks began the indigenous African-American movement to achieve full-equality under law. She lived, unlike Moses, to see that Promised Land. What followed after her refusal was the 381-day Montgomery, Alabama bus boycott, which concluded in the Supreme Court's nullification on Nov. 13, 1956, of the laws of Alabama that required bus segregation. This set the grounds for those glorious freedom fighters -- many of them idealistic college students, many of them Jewish, conscious of the race policies of the historoically adjacent WWII -- who challenged all segregation based on interstate travel, which led, ultimately, to the 1964 Civil Rights Act, breaking Jim Crowe's back forever.

Your struggle is over, Mrs. Parks; we are all the better for the principled part you played. Now, finally, and well-deserved, Rest in Peace.



D'oh! (image via forbes)

Out: Arthur O "Pinch" Sulzberger, Jr. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) The Old Gray Mare, she aint what she used to be (The Corsair shakes his dead despondently, then takes a hearty swig of his mulled wine and cardamom). And old "Pinch" isn't helping things much either. First Kurt Andersen, The Elder Brother to the NY Media Elite, excecutes a heart "Pinch;" now, in perfect symmetry, the most formidable political pugilist and rhetorical infighter since Cicero -- our Arianna Huffington. First up, Kurt with a jab to the chops showing "Bad intentions" (via gawker):

"Bush is also steadfastly loyal; if he won�t fire Donald Rumsfeld or (until they�re indicted) Rove or Libby, it�s a very good bet he�ll stick by his sorry pal Harriet Miers. Sulzberger seems slipperier, yuppier. Until the moment he told Raines to put on his Panama hat and get out, he supported him 100 percent ...

"... This time, however, if he were determined once again to get rid of the most responsible senior executive, it would have to be the guy who hired Raines and encouraged his booyah, hoo-ha, no-brakes style. Whose tacit personal imprimatur Miller has always exploited. Who went way beyond the call of duty in casting a problematic reporter as the embodiment of press freedom. Who let Miller�s highly subjective readings of Libby�s legal scheming drive the legal strategy of the world�s greatest newspaper.

"But Sulzberger is not going to fire himself. Indeed, he affects a kind of la-di-dah disregard for the whole horrible bungle. If Miller and the Times were going to cut a deal with the prosecutor in the end anyway, why didn�t they do it a year ago and spare their colleagues and the company and government all the agita and expense? 'Maybe a deal was possible earlier. If so,' he says, with one excuuuuuse-me shrug trashing his argument that it had been all about defending a crystal-clear principle, 'shame on us.'"

Ouch; get that mouthpiece back in for the second round. *Ding* Next, Arianna in HuffyPo, with a bonecrushing uppercut to the shortribs; The Pinch's legs go woozy:

"While sending Judy Miller off on a slow boat to Sag Harbor (where she intends to 'chill out' and see what Pat Fitzgerald has in store for her and her neocon pals), Bill Keller has suddenly developed an 'I' infection. His most recent Miller mess memo to his staff was jam-packed with the pronoun, making it seem to all the world like he was the one calling the shots.

"And when he mentioned others involved in the decision-making process, it was fellow editors Jill Abramson and John Geddes.

"Notably absent was any mention of the real shot-caller during the Miller debacle, Arthur Sulzberger. Is Keller trying to save his ass by helping his boss cover his?

"For most of the Judy Miller saga, Sulzberger has been front and center -- guiding the paper's legal and editorial strategy, visiting Miller in jail, whisking her off to the Ritz-Carlton for a post-release massage, manicure, steak dinner, and "one-third of a martini in a gorgeous glass," and receiving Judy's dewy-eyed thanks after her first grand jury appearance.

"But now that the Scooter has hit the fan, Pinch is suddenly MIA."

TKO, second round -- Kurt and Arianna.



Valentine and Olga Rei, hosting Paper Magazine's Halloween bash. (image via NYSocialDiary)
In: Halloween Parties. Who can forget last year's Halloween party where Mariah Carey appeared to be dressed in a "bottomless" Vera Wang wedding gown (Or was that P Diddy's 35th? It's all a blur)? (Averted Gaze) This year, here's hoping Mariah covers her hindquarters adequately from the October chill; according to Fashionweekdaily:

"... take a disco nap this Friday afternoon, you�ll need it for the slew of Halloween parties this weekend, including: Valentine and Olga Rei�s big bash with Paper magazine and IMG Models at Home, Heidi Klum at Happy Valley, Justin Timberlake at Marquee, and Patricia Field's annual Halloween horror� "

We'll go with the IMG Models and our old Paper pals at Home.