The Corsair's Thought Experiments



(image via stanford.edu)

Occasionally, we have these thought-experiments that we are too close to us to know whether or not they are good or indeed stupid. Most of them are, to be sure, "pure drivel," but others, we believe, are keepers. Anyway, here they are:

-- An urban remake of 'Deliverance' starring 3 well-known hip hoppers on a trip down Lake Victoria in Africa. The memorable zenith of the picture occurs when one of the rappers unfortunately encounters an overly aggressive Massai warrior who makes him "scream like a water buffalo caught in the clutches of the lion."

--How long before Judith Regan cranks out "Mohammed: The Relaxiologue: A Massage Tell-All Book," with such bitchy-title headings as, "The Night I Massaged Anna Wintour, or, My Worst Papercut"

--And, speaking of must-read books, how could would a Gary Hart autobiography be? (And will Gary Hart be aiding his old pal Warren Beatty in his all-but-certain run for Governor of California?)

--Angelina Jolie as "Boudica," the ancient British warrior Queen who took on, and died fighting the late Roman Empire. This is the vehicle Angelina Jolie was born to headline, and Ridley Scott was born to direct.

--Top 10 Film Moments It's Okay for a Guy to Cry. It's okay for a man to cry at the movies -- only at certain socially-appropriate intervals. (Yes, You Can Cry: In the scene in the coming-of-age film "Breaking Away" when the corrupt Italian biking "Team Cinzano" kicked the bike from under an innocent Dave Stoller, forvever proving to him that, essentially, the universe is a barren and unfeeling void; No, You Cannot Cry: To "Jules," who in "St. Elmo's Fire" tries to commit suicide by dressing in a nightgown in front of an open window)

--If "Kate Moss" has become synonymous with "Bolivian Marching Powder" in the larger culture behind the tents, then insn't it only fair to replace the antiquated urban term "BabyDaddy" with "MickJagger"?

--John McCain and Rudy Giuliani as the Republican ticket; Tom Tancredi as the independent far-right Conservative alternative; Bill Richardson and Hillary for the Dems -- the 2008 Presidential race will be all about the Southwest, and immigration.

--Trio TV is famous for being a cable channel operating at a low-budget, trying to put out quality, blue-state upper-middlebrow programming. Right? That's why it mystifies me that they haven't yet run "The Richard Pryor Show, (1977)" which we imagine at the moment is cheap to get the rights to, as well as quality, forgotten masterpieces like "Cadfael," and "Poldark."

--A Geraldo Rivera news reality show (you know he wants one). Give him a chance to grrom the next Peter Jennings. Tell him it will be a serious effort, it will be Comedy gold.

--Addendum to CBS's 60 Minutes on Sunday. I don't care how much the France family pushes it -- even advertising on hip-hop radio, Nascar will not, I repeat, Nascar will not catch on in the black and Latino communities until they get rid of the assholes waiving the Confederate flags.

--Why hasn't there ever been an indie documentary on Soren Kierkegaard, I just don't get it. He was 1,000 times more sharp and interesting than that overglorified bumpkin, Mark Twain.

--A gross-out comedy/ slapstick love story, a la 40-year old virgin, on two "Human Guinea Pigs" (aka, human research subjects) that fall in love with each other but fear having kids because of all the chemicals they've ingested. It should also have The villain is an evil pharmaceutical CEO. (Did The Corsair read about this in the trade-publications already? We forget and cannot find any in google).