Monday, February 28, 2005

Some Oscar Thoughts

Here are 5 brief Oscar thoughts that The Corsair would like to let marinate in the blogosphere:

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Above: The Corsair really wants to "do" the one in the white (Image via miamifilmfestival)

5) Waifish documentarian Zana Briski is wicked hott. And, to make things sexier, she's all "human-rightsy" and stuff, like Samantha Power. We'd love to -- how does one say this elegantly, and in a humanitarian, P.C. way -- "tap that ass." Really give her a robust rodgering. Just putting that out there.

4) The beatific image of Dustin Hoffman that the Oscar cameras kept panning to was, we are informed by Defamer, the visage of a gruesome winehead. Thanks, Defamer, like, alot: and we thought he was high on life. But no. The "grape"!

3) The camera pans to a laughing Kirsten Dunst, who famously didn't get along with no longer cool Toby McGuire during the filming of Spiderman -- acting, people! -- after Chris Rock poo pooed his star powers, saying:

"If you can't get a star, wait. Just wait. There's only four real stars. The rest are just popular people. Clint Eastwood is a star. Toby McGuire is just a boy in tights.''

1) Gwyneth Paltrow's constipated gasface after Chris Rock makes the requisite breast feeding of Apple joke. Priceless.

1) We liked Beyonce's song, okay, maybe we are the only one in the blogosphere that did. This morning, Howard Stern mentioned that his girlfriend, swimsuit model Beth Ostrowsky, is "fluent in french," and, eo ipso (Okay, Howard didn't say "eo ipso," we just added that to be fancy) Stern was annoyed that Beyonce Knowles sang the first song of the evening in French.

While we are sure Beth O can give a mean "French," (and probably take an okay "Dutch," and, we imagine, accept "The Greek Way") that doesn't particularly qualify her as a Francophile. Just a cunninglinguist.

PS) The Yo Yo Ma. Loved the Yo Yo Ma and the Bach sarabande. All memorials should be festooned with Bach sarabandes.

6 comments:

dParker2.0 said...

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be... way too much Beyonce, though... and I suppose we can all safely say that Chris won't be hosting again... I think that Chris and the Academy will all agree on that point.

Oscar Recap:
http://blissfullyclueless.blogspot.com/2005/02/blogging-oscars.html

Ron said...

I liked Beyonce, but youre right on Chris

alizinha said...

not to hate on Beyonce, but I have a couple points/questions regarding her multiple appearances last night:

1) since when is she going by first name alone? what happened to the "Knowles"?

2) that glittery silver dress was doing her hips NO FAVORS. girlfriend is gorgeous but that dress made her look way too hippy.

3) the massive diamonds for the Phantom of the Opera song were just TOO much--it was like she was WEARING the chandelier from the musical.

Bubbles, Ink. said...

ABC censors and policy wanted a host with "edge" but only their kind of edge. Rock was robbed. I knew it was going to end up this way. You reign him in and you get a mildly-flavored broth. He never had a chance. I'm happy, though, that the man got paid. Also, I wish Sidney LUmet had mentioned something about Spike Lee (in the audience) and his impact on American Cinema. But no.

Ron said...

When I think of Chris Rock's Oscar hosting I think "reigned in." Matt Drudge did not help matters by blasting Rock all over cyberspace, which, I'm sure, made ABC censors crazy. In Jay Mohr's book on his time at SNL, he paints the most interesting picture of Lorne Greene. Apparently, no matter how blue the comedian -- Martin Lawrence, for example -- Lorne only, very mildly, tells the guest host "Are we Okay?" Very cool. Very urbane. Very 60s. And it doesn't hamper the style of the comedian. if only the Oscar telecast were produced by Lorne Greene. Ali: Your "hippy" comment made me almost choke on my morning coffee.

Ron said...

Forgive me for not blogging the Oscars. I've gotten some emails from readers who were expecting something snarky, but it was just a magnum of fucking chloroform. Even with The Corsair's considerable powers of snark, we were unable to do anything. No buzz.