Friday, February 18, 2005

"It looks like a barber's pole"

Apparently, a man dubiously named "Ernie Rizzo" (short for Earnest?) has insider knowledge of the most intimate kind on the state of Michael Jackson's --ahem -- "Wissenschaft." Page Six reports (image via


"THE most lurid testimony to be heard in Michael Jackson's looming child molestation trial could concern the bizarre appearance of his penis."

The Corsair pops the obligatory Vicodin and sips wanly on his 1988 Lafon Meursault Charmes, noting silently, with a knowing smile, the highly nuanced, musky nose which combines hints of truffle, lemon and, without fail, toasty, charred oak.

"Private investigator Ernie Rizzo, who was hired by the family of the boy who accused Jackson of molestation in 1993, predicts that Jackson's latest alleged victim could provide damning testimony about the pop oddball's uniquely marked manhood."

The Corsair finds the wine now big, rich and vibrant all at once. It also seemed to us, serene ... and triumphant, a reminder that the world was an older and better place than anyone knew, that mankind in its long passion had learned another wisdom than his.

"Rizzo, a former Chicago police detective who has seen photographs of Jackson's genitals taken by cops in 1993, claims that because Jackson 'bleaches' his body twice a week, distinctive markings on his penis are visible when he is aroused.

"'It looks like a barber's pole,' Rizzo tells PAGE SIX."

The Corsair first encountered this wine years ago, when he was a naive undergraduate studying Comparative Literature and Philosophy; it had softened and faded in the intervening years (Or perhaps, had I?), but it still spoke in the pure, authentic accent of its prime and, that day, it whispered faintly, but in the same lapidary phrase, the same words of hope.

"That's exactly what it looks like (a barber's pole)."

1 comment:

357martini said...

Love the snark....