A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Vivienne Westwood. At the 10th Anniversary Agent Provocateur Party, Vivienne Westwood, the only person that we know of ever allowed to smoke in the offices of Paper Magazine (she's Old School like that; And, like, whose going to tell Vivienne Westwood she can't smoke), got all Age of Enlightenment on someone's lucky ass. According to Fashionweekdaily:



"The Agent Provocateur show was styled by Katy England, full of grit versus glam with pin-up-like models. Coming down the staircase at the Caf� de Paris, one after the other they climbed a ladder on stage, struck a pose, and then sauntered off.

"Celeb-types reclined on the leather sofas on the balcony overlooking the Dita Von Teese performance.

"Vivienne Westwood was looking peachy in salmon colored silk, and she talking about the 18th Century with an eager listener. Her husband seemed eager to go and get her moving, but she ignored him. Dita danced with all the diamond thongs, nipple tassels and huge ostrich feather fans you can imagine, and after the show, a huge cake was wheeled in and�well�you can guess the rest."

We'd forgo a Dita Von Strip Teese anytime to hear Vivienne lecture on Newton's Law of Gravitation.

Out: Patton Boggs, Lobbyists from Hell. The lobbying revenues are in, prepared by the accounting firm of Fucked, Up & Shit. According to TheHill:

"Law firm Patton Boggs continued its reign atop K Street last year, edging out Cassidy & Associates to hold top billing in The Hill�s annual survey of lobbying firm revenues.

"Patton Boggs�s lobbying revenue was $30.6 million in 2004, 1.9 percent above the $30 million it raked in the year before. Cassidy & Associates increased its lobbying billings marginally (1.1 percent), from $27.8 million to $28.1 million, while Akin Gump Strauss Hauer & Feld stayed in third position, with $27.6 million, just ahead of Van Scoyoc & Associates, up one place, in fourth, with $25.2 million."

You are cordially invited to the celebration, a modest after-party affaire, which will be held in a Grand Ballroom, off to the side of the Sixth Bolgia, located in the Seventh Circle of Hell.

In: Charles Evans, Jr. Operation Oscar sucks ass. When, o when, will The Powers That Be let Charles Evans, Jr. have his once in a lifetime opportunity? The normally dingbattish Cindy Adams has a point when she says:

"... So how come the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences ruled his Best Picture nominee 'The Aviator' would not honor him as co-producer?

"The short answer: Operation Oscar limits three producer statuettes. An almost arbitrary edict, it exists only three years and is written in no guidelines. 'Million Dollar Baby' is being allowed Clint Eastwood, Albert Ruddy, Tom Rosenberg. A fourth producer was eliminated. Of 'The Aviator's' four, for some reason only two are being permitted. Neither is Evans.

"At its premiere Evans, who has sued its official producer-of-record Michael Mann, told me: 'I'm the one got Di Caprio on board. The project wasn't moving. It needed a star name attached. I called Leo, whom I didn't know. I'd gotten his cell number, phoned him cold, laid out the idea, said, 'Have your agent call me,' and that's how it came about.'"

The arbitrary ruling of a three statuettes limit should be overruled in special circumstances, and this is one such occasion. Whoever thought that The Corsair would take sides with Adams, a harridan of a woman who has openly supported dictators (The Shah, the Marcoses) and, worse, defended louche little chow dogs in the past. Only in New York, kiddies ...

Out: Will Smith, Thug. Will Smith wants us to know that underneath the lush trappings of having the number one movie in America, the urbane marriage to Mrs. Stinkett-Smith, the (Averted Gaze) "Willenium" ... he is still a threatening black man (Sure you are, Will2K), capable of releasing a "street" album, according to Billboard:

"The artist claims to have recorded more than 50 tracks for the set, which he says features 'the most in-depth, revealing writing that I've done in my career.' One track, 'Mr. Nice Guy,' is said to discuss 'how people mistake being nice for being soft.' Indeed, the overall album reportedly de-emphasizes Smith's squeaky clean image for tracks with a more serious tone."

Please. Will Smith is about as edgy as the Jay Leno Show.

In: Amputee MC. The AP interviewed Khujo, described as being, "the Atlanta rapper had to have part of his leg amputated after falling asleep while driving home from a recording studio." They said:

"AP: What are the positives to being an amputee MC?

"Khujo: Well, it's some cool looking (stuff) on stage. Like the last show we did, I had pants on. And it was a line I said off '1, 2, 3 Goodie' about (how) a lot of people see us on TV and want to be in our shows. So when that particular line came up, I just raised up my pants leg and showed the prosthetic. And there was a couple of white boys on the front stage and they were like, 'Wooow!' They just went crazy.'"

Can't you see it where this is headed? Upcoming suburban trend: White kids in the burbs are amputating themselves to be more "street."