Wednesday, February 02, 2005

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Tina Fey. Sexy, brainy, powerful SNL head writer -- and we're not just saying that because we want to write for SNL, although, like, we so really do -- Tina Fey snagged a sitcom deal, according to MediaLifeMagazine:

"NBC has ordered a comedy pilot starring 'Saturday Night Live�s' Tina Fey in a real stretch as the head writer of a comedy show. Fey will play an executive producer as well as executive produce the pilot. Another 'SNL'-er, writer Paula Pell, also had a pilot picked up by NBC, about a woman who endures major weight loss, then tries to deal with her friends and family, many of whom are still overweight. And NBC has picked up a third pilot, a drama called 'Notorious' starring Tori Spelling. The show will be about Spelling in the days right after 'Beverly Hills 90210.'"

Hmm. Come to think of it, if Tori Spelling is also scoring major network action (Averted Gaze), we're not quite sure where the boob tube is headed these days (The Corsair sips on a beautifully mature, medium-bodied Louis Jadot Corton Gr�ves 1995)

Out: Tara Reid. At the opposite end of the spectrum of brainy and witty Tina Fey is, well, a lonely corner occupied by Tara Reid rocking herself back and forth in the fetal position, not unlike Demi Moore's doomed character Jules in that significant cultural phenomenon St. Elmo's Fire. Sorry, but it's true. Tara is, to be sure, a granite pillar of respectability (A controlled belly-laugh, followed by a small closing cough of feigned detachment). She's kind of having a rough year, we'll grant you. A dark, galactic night of the soul, so to speak. But dawn breaks. The pendulum swings.

Defamer kind of sums up all our complex and ickey feelings on the subject of Tara(The Corsair lights up a Macanudo Robust Baron de Rothschild), whose getting the stuffings knocked out of her daily by the delicious NY Post:

"We never thought we'd say this, but we're starting to feel pity for Tara Reid. Apparently feeling guilty for getting tricked over and over again by the NY Post, her publicist is marching her in front of any journalist willing to listen about how very hard she's trying to change her party-girl image."

Too sad. We spray hot tears on her behalf. Now, sweetie, put down that "Taraweiser," and tell us again what it is an anthropologist does.

In: Trump Wedding Gossip. Sure, it might be a little past it's expiration date, a little gamey, but try a taste, it won't kill you, this, aged like the fine Gruyere cheese, courtesy of that salmon-colored weekly, from The Observer's Transom:

"Star Jones, dubbed 'Bridezilla' by Page Six, arrived so late to the ceremony at Bethesda-by-the-Sea Episcopal Church that ushers had to seat her in the back of the chapel. She was not, let us say, pleased.

"On her way down the aisle, Melania�s veil became tangled on some shrubbery. Panic ensued. Then the veil was untangled. Phew!

"Melania�s mother made her grand entrance into the church and then wandered over to sit with the unwashed in the audience. One of The Donald�s sons had to tiptoe over and delicately guide her back to the family.

"At the reception, while one of his sons was delivering a toast to the happy couple, The Donald awkwardly left the dance floor to shake late arrival Shaquille O�Neal�s hand.

"To cap off the night, The Transom ran into Arthur F. Backal, the president of Cipriani, who was not at the latest Trump wedding but seemed to have a uniquely healthy reaction to the omission. 'I did the other two,' he said. 'I�ve already got enough Trump weddings under my belt.'"

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Out: The Skinniest Jeans. They cover the skinniest legs. In the skinniest of thumbnails. British Vogue is backing the fashion sense of the supermodel who Johnny Depp once described as being in possession of a "highwater booty," (Averted Gaze) if not her dubious taste in men:

"Everybody will be in skinny jeans and high buckled boots in no time. Kate Moss was spotted in New York yesterday wearing just that - plus an oversized green anorak - so we can only expect the high streets to fill up with similar ensembles in the coming weeks. Theresa Hack, meanwhile, has been dispelling fears that the supermodel will suffer as a result of her relationship with Pete Doherty. Mother of Kate's ex Jefferson and grandmother to her two-year-old daughter Lila Grace, Hack says the supermodel has complete control over her relationship with the ex-Libertines frontman, who was photographed openly smoking heroin at his east London home last weekend."

Say, what?!

"'Kate is smarter than that,' Theresa told CONTACTMUSIC.COM. 'She's got a sweet daughter we love her to bits. Lila is not going to be exposed to this kind of thing. Kate is smarter than many people think.'"

In: Lisa Marsh. The Page Six world media domination tour continues apace. According to Fashionweekdaily:

"Lisa Marsh is doing double duty come tent time.

"The Page Six scribe is taking her trademark blonde hair and bulging celebrity Rolodex to MSN Women, the lifestyle website created by Microsoft. While Ms. Marsh will continue to file stories for The New York Post during Olympus Fashion Week, she�ll also be working with MSN on a daily trend report, showcasing the hits � and misses � of the runways."

Out: Christian Slater. According to the 3AM Girls:

"IT'S barely a fortnight since they separated, but it looks like Christian Slater hasn't taken long to get over wife Ryan Haddon.

"The actor was seen getting 'very friendly' with a brunette at a charity dinner and left with his new pal, after offering to strip for revellers.

"A 3am spy at Monday's Tsunami Earthquake Dinner at London's Intercontinental Hotel says:

"'Christian arrived looking as though he'd had a few.'

As if that's anything new.

"He was sitting with Jon Culshaw from Dead Ringers and Julian Rhind-Tutt of Green Wing but he was more interested in the girl at the next table."

And wouldn't you be as well, wedged between Culshaw and Rhind-Tutt like that?

"The 35-year-old star of recently-ended stage show One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest 'flirted heavily' with his female fan then got dirty on the dance floor with her.

"'They were dancing very intimately,' our mole confides.

"Christian tore himself away long enough to offer to bare all for charity.

"We're told: 'Christian had sunk a few over dinner and was very merry. He got on stage and offered to sing for ($9000) - and said he'd strip for ($18,000).'

"'He managed to raise ($10,000) and got away with a bit of warbling.'

"After some 'pretty mental' dancing, dad-of-two Christian left with the girl."

From intimate to mental to intimate again within the course of an evening. Vintage Slater!

In: Luxist. I love this blog. It speaks to my inner Republican.

2 comments:

Jimmy said...

The Corsair just gets better with age. It's like a happy pill!

richwhiteboy said...

The Corsair also gets longer with age! You must be a really good typist! Every word's great tho. Keep it up. You're a genius.