Monday, February 28, 2005

A Little of the Old In and Out


(Image via Radar)

In: Radar, Second Incarnation. History, said Marx, that fucking pinko slacker, repeats itself, the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce; Radar, it seems, also repeats itself, eventually, the first time as "tabloidal" and the second time as "blogish." It's all good, though. Mediaweek (Link via Romemenesko) says, "With the rise of the blog and the growing popularity of sites like, an essential part of the relaunch is, which will feature fresh content daily." They plot thickens:

"A sneak peek at the next iteration of the 150,000- circ, bimonthly Radar during a visit to its spanking-new digs in Manhattan?s Flatiron District last week revealed a title that?s grown up a bit, though hardly lacking in the spot-on, sometimes piercing examination of the culture that was its hallmark the first time around. The magazine--flush with a $25 million investment from U.S. News & World Report and New York Daily News publisher Mort Zuckerman and partner Jeffrey Epstein--started out skewering the likes of J.Lo and presidential niece Noelle Bush, and still has the rich and famous, and notorious, in its sights. (While editor in chief Maer Roshan didn?t want to publicize who might get the full-cavity treatment this spring, it?s clear talking to the guy that he?s got a jones for new Secretary of State, Condi Rice.)"

Sounds fascinating. Just ... please refrain from showing the "coochie" visual resulting from said "full-cavity treatment" of the current Secretary of State. Reserve that right to the proper Senate Subcomittee, for viewing at, oh, say -- 3AM on C-Span. We respect the office, admire the gravitas, and, quite frankly, that whole "Matrix-Dominatrix" outfit was -- how does one put these things diplomatically? -- de trop. We have no idea what would piss Maer Roshan off about Condi, but apparently he's locked and loaded. Then again, the Governorship of California doesn't appear to have built into it a strict moral virtues clause.

Out: Johnny Knoxville. We don't know what the ladies see in the star of "Dumbass" -- ahem -- we mean "Jackass." At least half of our lady friends rave about what they'd like to do to him (Averted Gaze). We're so fucking jealous, of course. According to the Page Sixxies:

"Johnny Knoxville gushed about working with Willie Nelson and Jessica Simpson on the set of the 'Dukes of Hazzard' movie. 'Willie is the coolest guy on the planet,' the well-lubricated Knoxville told us. 'He's everything you want him to be and more. So far he hasn't been smoking any pot on the set, but I think he might be doing it in his trailer.' The former 'Jackass' star also shot down rumors of marital troubles between Simpson and hubby Nick Lachey. 'It's such bull[bleep]. He visits her on the set, and she is just the sweetest girl.'"

Be careful Page Sixxies! We need you! We can imagine the skanky "well lubricated" actor slurring, bobbing, weaving, showing off his scar tissue, and, literally spitting up a veritable petri dish of super-resistant strains of bacteria. Don't get too close, guys!

In: What Went On at Bratislava Castle? Elizabeth Bumiller of The Old Gray Lady described it as, "One of the strangest kabuki dances of George W. Bush's presidency was his news conference last week with President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia in Bratislava, Slovakia."

To be sure. Behind the scenes at the Bush-Putin press conference is what many of the Sunday Talking Heads shows went on and on about. Nothing definite was disclosed, however some pundits hinted that the tension was staged to provide Putin with what the Japanese like to call "face." Lots of speculation. Is the former KGB biggie so laughably provincial as to believe that George Bush had Dan Rather fired?! We know Kissinger spoke to Putin the week previous to the Bush-Putin mini summit.

Now, we hear word that Cheney and Condi Rice pursued back channel diplomatic meetings with the Russian President before actual the meeting at the forbidding Bratislava Castle in Slovakis. What happened? Inquiring bloggers want to know! Newsweeklies, get cranking! Howard Fineman: This means you. And now! shnell! Not fucking in 2009 in the memoir remixe. (Note: Newsweek has some dish online)

Out: Harvey Weinstein, Bitch. Our favorite studio bitch, Harvey Weinstein is all over the gossip pages, spinning the demise of a Weinstein-controlled Miramax. He's spinning like wino off his morning's Muscatel; he's spinning like a Thai hooker wacked out on some primo Afghani smack. Not ... that we'd know anything about either of those particular life experiences. But we digress. Page Six notes, "... it was hard to overcome the funereal mood as he and brother Bob celebrated what was likely their last Miramax pre-Oscar party. Having sold the company to Disney, it's probable the Weinsteins will be working elsewhere next year."

Lloyd Grove's Lowdown reports:

"The corpse of Miramax was handsomely laid out in a dimly lit party space at the Pacific Design Center on Saturday night.

"Huge black-and-white blowups of scenes from Miramax movies graced the yawning expanse of walls, shrouded in heavy black curtains that receded into the distance.

"But Harvey Weinstein - who's losing his studio to the Walt Disney Co. after a quarter-century of filmmaking - seemed positively jaunty.

"'In no way is this a swan song,' he promised a crowd that was obviously sparser than expected - folks with 'standing room' tickets found themselves seated at prime tables."

"... 'To quote John Paul Jones,' Weinstein went on, grandly citing the Revolutionary War naval hero, 'I have not yet begun to fight!'"

Oh, stay down, bitch, stay down.

In: Everything is on the Table. "By: William Half-Ire:

"I can't expect them to come to the table with everything on the table unless I come to the table with everything on the table," said the intellectually-challenged Senator from Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum on Meet The Press. Santorum borrows the language from the the Commander in Chief, who said in Europe recently, with regards to a hostile Iran, "The notion that the US was getting ready to attack Iran is absolutely ridiculous." Then he added: "That being said, all options are on the table."

Of which table does the President speak? Tablet comes from the latin tabula, and "boola," as we all know, comes from Yale's rousing fight song, "boola boola." 1901 Yale graduate Alan Hirsh has said of the song, "... It was euphonious and easy to sing and to our young ears sounded good."

We will not entertain the possibility that Rick Santorum was aping the President in a bid to sound more intelligent and authoritative than he really is. Perish the thought.

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