Okay: Eew. (image via handbag)
Don't you miss the old Kingsley days when Tom Cruise was ultra-controlling only about his image? The faux three days growth was always shaved just ... so. Contrived, yes; but the situation was contained in that single self-referential cosmos known as Tom Cruise. The greater public at large didn't have to be involved in Tom Cruise's labyrinthine self involvement.
That situation has now changed. Tom Cruise is now a threat to the general public.
Faced with existentiality of reproduction (replication), Tom Cruise is control-freaking entire institutions. We present to you -- "MI:Pee"
In this 'episode,' Tom Cruise is the point man for an IMF mission to get the preganant Katie Holmes to the loo on time. In the tradition of the TV show, the viewer is led down many plot twists, turns, and reversals, while the IMF members employ the latest in technology, disguises, and spy gadgetry to relieve Katie Holmes' bladder. According to Fox 411:
"What a scene on Saturday night at the Beverly Hills Hotel. That�s where Dreamworks' Jeffrey Katzenberg hosted his annual party called 'The Night Before.'
"... the highlight of the night for one of our spies was when Cruise accompanied Holmes to the ladies room in a remote part of the hotel. Fire doors were closed and a partition went up so that Holmes could be unimpeded in her toilette."
We hear he's signed a three-pisser deal. (Averted Gaze) With Tom Cruise Executive Producing Katie Holme's "number two," we can only assume it will be a profitable enterprise for all involved. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)
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