In: "Heartbreaking Drunk" Keifer Sutherland does a little strip tease in New Zealand. It's just ... all so sordid (The Corsair takes a long sip of Cutty Sark before continuing, in earnest). I mean, he was supposed to be Mr. Julia Roberts, after all, the scruffy second generation actor who marries America's Sweetheart. I guess he made the women happy, but it's sort of an odd thing for a tv star to be doing, getting all nekkid Down Under. I just don't know what to think about this:
"Film star Kiefer Sutherland made women happy at a male revue show in New Zealand last Thursday by climbing enthusiastically on stage and stripping off. According to news.com, the New Zealand Herald published Kiefer's striptease pictures. Keifer has been shooting for the movie 'River Queen' near the North Island town of Raetihi.
"He was drinking with some of the cast and crew in the Raetihi Cosmopolitan Club last Thursday while the revue was being staged in front of an all-woman audience in an adjoining room.
"'Twice during the first half of the show, Keifer took of his shoes and passed into the roped-off ''women only' area of the bar to join the Men of Steel,' reported the newspaper. The security staff stopped Keifer but he was eventually allowed on stage during the second half of the show. Keifer then slipped out of his socks, whipped off his shirt, and waved it above his head to the tune of the Tom Jones' hit 'You Can Leave Your Hat On', before being ushered off the stage."
The Corsair dry heaves at his desk.
Out: Alleged billionaire Cindy Crawford, according to British Vogue (2nd item), is going back to modeling:
"CINDY CRAWFORD is back in the game: the mother-of-two, who has not been signed to an agency for years, recently signed with ex-IMG and Next executive Jan Planit's new Planit M and is apparently looking to work with new designers and photographers."
Yeah, Bill Gates will be doing a naughty spread in the new Ambercrombie and Fitch as well. Allegedly billionaire my ass. Actually, alleged supermodel my ass as well: if Cindy Crawford is still a supermodel, then show me the building where she is the super. I don't believe it.
In: The Anna Wintour Fembot. According to Fashionweekdaily, there is an imposter Anna Wintour, a fembot, replete with razor sharp bangs, making the rounds in stiletos:
"Yesterday afternoon around 1:30PM, at the posh eatery Freds, amidst a crowd of well-heeled diners including designer Alvin Valley and Quest magazines Andrew Blacka woman, sporting a perfectly-coiffed bob with razor sharp bangs, a pink sundress with matching cardigan draped around her shoulders, oversized black sunglasses, and slingbacks with a stiletto heel, stopped traffic as she sashayed her way through the restaurant to her table. Forks dropped. Fashionistas stared. And poured glasses tipped as the crowd wondered, 'Could this really be the ever-so-chic Vogue editrix?' But something was off this woman, who could literally double as Wintours twin, was just a tad taller and a wee bit heavier than the petite editor in chief. Size aside, it wasnt her measurements that threw trained eyes off; it was the Crate & Barrel shopping bag she loosely held in her hand."
Crate & Barrel (Averted Gaze); "Nice": if you go in for that sort of thing. Actually she's a body double, paid for by the crafty Si Newhouse, to confuse the pesky PETA crowd. And they would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those pesky kids.
Out: Michael Jackson, crashed and burned, he was turned down by Nicole Kidman. According to those intrepid 3AM Girls:
"Word reaches us that Wacko Jacko has been begging the Hollywood star, whose latest movie is the remake of Stepford Wives, for a date.
"Apparently Michael, who is facing child sex charges in the US, wanted Nicole to accompany him to the upcoming MTV Music Awards.
"His sudden interest stunned Nicole. And although the Cold Mountain star is currently single since her relationship with rocker Lenny 'The Loins' Kravitz ended earlier this year, she didn't have to think too long or hard about turning Michael down.
"'There was a call from his people to mine asking if he could take me to the Awards,' confirmed the 37-year-old actress during a radio interview in her native Australia.
"'I had never even met him, it was a little strange. I did decline but, hey, the way my love life is I took it as a great compliment.'"
Comment here or on VH1's Best Week Ever Blog.
In: Partisan sniping. We are all aware of the cantankerous mood that has enveloped the capitol of the last standing world superpower. But this story in The Hill (2nd story) is so wierd, Lenonard Nimoy should be narrating it:
"Five staffers were forced to evacuate the office of Sen. George Allen (R-Va.) yesterday after aides to Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.) forwarded them a package that they thought could have been potentially hazardous.
"The 'bizarre' package arrived as two joined envelopes addressed to Kennedy in scrawled writing. One of the envelopes contained hair and a vial filled with a red substance that may have been blood. The other contained papers.
"But because the package had a Norfolk, Va., return address, Kennedys staff sent the papers to Allen?s office, complete with a warning about its suspicious nature, according to a Senate source. Both offices are in the Russell Building.
"The source said that members of Allens staff were furious because they felt Kennedys office may have exposed them to a dangerous substance."
Out: Poor Dawnette Knight. According to Ananova:
"The woman accused of stalking Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas faces nearly 20 years behind bars for 'being foolish', according to her lawyer.
Dawnette Knight appeared in court in Los Angeles on Thursday hoping the 24 stalking charges she faced would be dropped.
"Her lawyer, Richard Herman, insisted: She was infatuated with a movie star.
"'She's facing 19 years in state prison for being foolish. She's learned a very valuable lesson that will make her a good woman and a major asset to society.'
"Her fianc�, Ronald Calvin, said that the celebrity couple have nothing to fear, despite the sinister death threats she sent in letters to Zeta Jones and her bogus claim that she had an affair with Douglas."
So, aside from the sinister death threats, everything was just peaches and herb?
In: Fortuna. Or, as Dick Morris says:
"Success or defeat in the 2004 presidential campaign is likely to be determined more by events beyond the control of Sen. John Kerry or even that of President Bush. The irony is that it is the intensity of the war on terror, more than any other factor, that will seal the fate of the two candidates.
"We have never had an election quite like this one."
Luck may end up determining who is our next President.
Out: Congressman Harold Ford. This guys unchecked ambition just really fucking gets to me. I don't like his face. Here he is, in nearly every picture, making empty hand gestures, saying, most probably, nothing. All ambition, no talent, no originality. Grr... I just don't like him. It must be chemical.