Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Kimora, Interrupted 

On the footsteps of the most recent high profile cases involving the Belgian beauty Ingrid Parewijk busted at JFK with --ahem -- "Bolivian Marching Powder", Rush and Molloy inform us now, mirabile dictu, that our favorite whipping post-- that would be Kimora Lee Simmons, that fly bitch -- was arrested for possession of -- how does one put this gently so as not to offend? -- she was arrested for possession of "the stickey ickey":

"Kimora, the fashion powerhouse whose gorgeous nude form can be seen on a Times Square billboard for her Baby Phat line, was handcuffed and booked Sunday night by cops in Saddle River, N.J., where the couple lives."

Well, she is sort of built like a brick houseHer ickey must be the stickiest, considering that she's worth untold millions, no?
 
The Corsair grabs some unsalted popcorn and his icy pimp goblet and moves closer to the screen, contemplating Kimora's nude form, dry heaving, then mouthing the words, solemnly, as if to some ancient God, "It's on ...". 

"According to Saddle River Police Lt. Robert Breese, she was charged with eluding a police officer, possessing marijuana (under 50 grams), careless driving, operating a vehicle while possessing a controlled substance, tail-gating and having a taillight out."

The Corsair could have told you that Kimora's lights are out, he could have demonstrated it mathematically for you free of charge on a flow chart with a PowerPoint presentation.  The Corsair has chronicled Her Dimness for quite some time now, and is rather an expert on the subject. As to her "tail," The Corsair would rather not touch on matters concerning her booty. 

"The 29-year-old trendsetter, who was fingerprinted and posed for a mug shot, 'made no attempt to stop' when officers demanded she pull over, Breese said. 'They arrived in front of her residence, where she was finally confronted.' "

Oh dear sweet Lord, could someone email me that mug shot and those fingerprints at papermag@yahoo.com

"Russell Simmons said, 'My wife is an excellent driver, and she's not guilty of any crime. You don't have to grab my wife and put handcuffs on her. Her wrists are all bruised up.'

"The Def Jam founder, whose fortune has been estimated at over $1 billion, said: 'I may be the biggest taxpayer in Bergen County, but I'm not looking for anything special. I just want to be treated fairly.'"

Translation: Next time, civil servant, make sure you use the "iciest" cuffs, with only the most ghetto fabulous sable lining on my precious, she who pays your (averted gaze) little salary. Let them eat vegetarian cakes and drink my power drink.













6 comments:

la depressionada said...

Her lawyer says she was stopped on accounta her hip hop mien.

Ron said...

her "mane"? She's lion. ;-)

la depressionada said...

i ain't lyin.' But now more happy news, Donatella Versace in rehab.

TheBlackNewYorker said...

Your writing is fabulously funny, lol. GAWD. ha! ha! ha!
WHAT? is a icky sticky? or sticky icky? What is that?

Ron said...

the "sweet leaf" (wink, wink)

Quentin said...

It cannot have effect in actual fact, that is what I think.
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