A Little of the Old In and Out
In: A Positive Democratic Convention. As always, Dick Morris has some wise thoughts on the Democrat convention (and, quite possibly, some acute positions for the hookers in Boston):
"The enraged left has to see this weeks gathering in Boston as its opportunity to respond to Bushs pre-emotion of the national stage in the wake of Sept. 11. At last, its paranoid suspicions and reasonable doubts alike can be aired before a national prime-time audience. No longer confined to venues like Michael Moore movies, Democratic orators can give their version of recent history and attack what they see as the seminal mistakes of the Bush response to terror.
"So the impetus for a negative convention will be strong and widely felt. Like water that has accumulated behind a dam, Bushs partisan opponents will want to lash out and bring the president down.
"But this blood lust can only destroy Kerrys chances of making this convention the springboard he needs. Negatives dont work at conventions. The most negative in recent memory was the 1992 Republican conclave where speaker after speaker thrashed both Clintons usually aiming at the wrong one and failed to produce any gain for their candidate as he sought re-election."
Out: Poor Dennis "The Kooce" Kucinich. The Corsair hears that the Kerry Camp offered nothing for his delegates, not even a return trip to Mars, where, ostensibly The Kooce lives (Department of Peace? Get real, monkey waif-boy); the AP says:
"Kucinich, who formally endorsed presumed nominee John Kerry last week, met with his roughly 64 delegates twice this week, with many saying they would still cast a vote for the four-term Ohio congressman at the roll call Wednesday night, according to an e-mail Tuesday from his campaign.
"'I'm releasing you to vote your consciences. You will be the ones making your own decision,' Kucinich said. "
In: Open Water. When does this flick open? I've got the fever for the flavor of this film. Can someone in the film's PR department hook me up with some screening passes? Hook me up with a taste, baby pop. I am so fucking down to see this independent sleeper. AFlyonthewall breaks it down:
"The flick has a simple but chilling concept: husband-and-wife scuba divers are accidentally stranded in shark-infested open water. And it's based on a true story.
"The movie was made for something like $400,000, but it far outshines conventional Hollywood thrillers with $40 million budgets. (And, yes, it has real sharks.) The pic has played at several film festivals, including Sundance, to standing-room-only audiences. The film succeeds because of a fantastic, tightly crafted script, shrewd directing, and phenomenal performances by two relatively unknown actors. The female lead, Blanchard Ryan, is a particular standout. She has the intensity of Sigourney Weaver combined with the stunning looks of a young Michelle Pfeiffer. I can't wait to see more of her work.
"Written and directed by Chris Kentis, the movie opens in limited release August 6 and goes wider on August 20."
Out: Bonnie Fuller. According to WWD (link via Romenesko):
"Consider it the next step in Bonnie Fullers evolution from celebrity journalist to just plain celebrity. A Canadian television crew recently descended on American Medias Park Avenue offices to shoot a documentary about the love-her-or-loathe-her editor of Star. The show, which will air in late fall or early winter, is part of the CBC series 'Life and Times,' which profiles prominent Canadians, including past subjects Wayne Gretzky, Joni Mitchell and former Prime Minister Jean Chr�tien. Renowned as Fuller may be in Manhattan media circles, one has to wonder: Does the average Canadian have any idea who she is? "
Ah, to be mentioned in the same breath as Jean Chr�tien; that, as Canadian superstar Graydon Carter might say, leaving a trail of Winston Light smoke in his wake, is so very First Room. But somewhere in Manitoba -- and you know this to be true, true believer -- a big boned employee at a local fishery is kissing his well-worn Bonnie Fuller poster full on the lips, before leaving for a long, hard day of processing halibut.
In: Late in Life Circumcisions. Seriously folks, I like to eat fruit salad, creme and granola for breakfast in the summer. It is cool, it is light, it is filled with vitamins; as the kids say: it's all good. But as I was reading this story in Page Six, I was dry heaving cantelope. Violently:
"MORE on Marlon Brando's circumcision at age 60, which we reported on last week. 'It's 100 percent true,' a reader e-mailed us. 'My mother worked in surgery at St. John's Hospital at the time and was there for it.' St. John's in Santa Monica was the hospital to the stars for decades until it was eclipsed by Cedars Sinai. 'My mother worked there for 40 years, and boy, did she have some scary stories to tell about the terrible acne scars on Richard Burton's back!!' As for Brando? Our correspondent denies the star converted to Judaism it is inconceivable he could have learned Hebrew since he had so much trouble remembering his lines in English. Our tipster divulges: 'It seems the surgery was necessary for medical reasons an infected gunky mess.'"
I still have that woozy feeling like my legs might buckle under me at any moment, and I am at the mercy of careening waves of Sartrean nausea.
Out: Marc Jacobs! Why that saucy little bigot! According to British Vogue, you won't believe what he said:
"SEEMS that a political calling is the latest must-have for the most cutting edge designers. Last week Sean Combs launched his Citizen Change campaign and, this week, Marc Jacobs has filled his Bleecker Street Marc boutique window with knickers ..."
Knickers?! What the fuck?! This is 2004, people, there is no need to be racist! You can't put black people in your window. We are not for sale! They continue:
"'We work in a creative industry, and we're being creative about it. There is sign language on some of the pieces and actually a lot of people came in to say thank you.' Knickers are selling for $15, while Ts are $25 and sweatshirt hoodies are $35. "
What the fuck?! $15!! Altogether people: we shall overcome ...
In: My old Paper Magazine pal Carlo McCormick, easily one of the most interesting long haired New York writer-characters, has his ear to the street (Carlo's definitive essay on the subject of scratchitti in BlackBook several years ago deserved, I thought, an instant MacArthur Genius Grant), does the profile on that phantom urban menace, NeckFace:
"On the streets of Manhattan and Brooklyn, NeckFace throws up fast and gets away quickly, like a hit and run shadow. But the New Image show has allowed him to branch out betond lightening fast tagging. 'I have more time to do it in the gallery now,' NeckFace explains. 'It's crazy stuff like I've never seen before. You've seen what I can do on the streets; just imagine what I can do with time on my hands.'"
Ed Note: Stereogum has been charting the slow and steady rise of another urban blight/phantom menace ... Bob Saget has a posse.
Out: Linda Stassi got slipped a Mickey Finn. I've always been for hidden overhead cameras in bars and lounges. It sucks that our privacy has got to be compromised, the 'getting of our freak on' may be hampered by recording devices, but there are just too many fucking assholes putting drugs into people's drinks in New York after hours. Too many. And no one is getting caught. If the Villard Bar in the Helmsley Palace Hotel had had a camera, the creep who drugged Linda Stassi would be behind bars, getting punked out by a large convict at Rikers, instead of out on the prowl mickey finning other women, perhaps even as I write this. Says Linda:
"I don't remember going to the emergency room, but I do remember being hooked up to the IV and then passing out. They said my alcohol level was low but that I had all the classic symptoms of a drugging or poisoning.
"I'm still having horrible nightmares. I missed too much work in the first few weeks after the drugging, and when I did show up, I had to leave early. The dizziness kept recurring. And the headaches.
"That mickey I was slipped stole a month of my life, and I'm not happy. I'm told that I'm lucky the perp didn't steal more. Like my bag. Like my clothes. Like my life. I'd be happy just to get the month back."
In: Fashionweekdaily chronicles the opening of The Village, where boldfaces Tina Fey frolickled with the likes of Regis Philbin, Sigorney Weaver and Simon Rex in, of all places, Prospect Park:
"Adrien Brody and director film director M. Night Shyamalan wore Ermenegildo Zenga to the premiere of 'The Village' last night in Prospect Park, Brooklyn. The film is a chilling tale of a remote village confronting the stupefying truth that lies just outside its borders. Night, who is known for his distinctive artistry as well as for bucking mainstream Hollywood, selected a look from the not-yet-available spring 2005 Z Zegna collection, ensuring an independent look for the evening. He arrived on the red carpet wearing a black jacquard slim-fitting suit with a crisp, white open collar shirt from new and fashion-forward Z Zegna. Brody also appeared in Zegna in a pr�cis black suit and gray button-down, choosing to top off his look with a red silk tie ? a nod to Night?s use of the color in his film as the symbol of evil. In fact, the outdoor premiere scrapped the traditional (and evil) red carpet in favor of a yellow one. 'The Village' was recreated in the park while people dined and had cocktails under the moonlight. The film was shown in the 'forest' portion of the Prospect Park lawn, which lent itself well to the film?s eerie mood."
Out: Does Everyone Love Raymond? Apparently not, as that significant cultural artifact The National Enquirer says:
"Ray Romano's holdout for a huge raise is behind the recent firing of two popular "CSI" stars, charges an insider.
"George Eads and Jorja Fox (Ed Note: Eads was rehired; claimed he "overslept" the contract deadline; yeah ... riiight) poked the CBS eye too hard when they tried Romano's stunt of squeezing the network for a fat raise shortly before the new season -- but the execs had decided not to tolerate a rerun of Romano's game plan."
"'CBS was furious last year when Romano held out for more money before agreeing to another season,' revealed an insider.
"'By the time Ray came to an agreement for his ninth and final season, he was making nearly $2 million per episode.'"
"The network moved swiftly to stop its other performers from holding out for more money before their contracts were up, disclosed the insider."
In: The always excellent Michael Musto gives us the scoop on Cameron Diaz:
"As you know, CAMERON DIAZ wasn't happy with the Us Weekly cover on JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE's bad behavior and gave them a follow-up interview, which the mag cleverly fashioned into a dis of the British press. But I hear Cameron actually told an Us editor, 'You're going to get cancer writing this way about Justin.' That's not even original�ROSIE O'DONNELL, anyone?�but at least it's gritty and rock-and-roll. It's who she is!"
Editors Note: I've really got to apologize to USA Today for attacking them for not running Ann Coulter's piece yesterday. They were right. Here's some of her "convention reporting":
"Here at the Spawn of Satan convention in Boston, conservatives are deploying a series of covert signals to identify one another, much like gay men do. My allies are the ones wearing crosses or American flags. The people sporting shirts emblazoned with the 'F-word' are my opponents. Also, as always, the pretty girls and cops are on my side, most of them barely able to conceal their eye-rolling."
I was trying to be fair, arguing for equal time, but Ann Coulter really doesn't deserve it. She actually passed the Bar?