Ed Note: Defamer readers: The Christina Applegate and Ben Affleck story is right here

Deep ... Deep Inside The Bohemian Grove

While boldface aristocrats like George Herbert Walker Bush, Henry Kissinger, Dick Cheney, John Major, Alexander Haig, Alan Greenspan, Newt Gingrich, Jack Kemp, Colin Powell, and William F. Buckley, Jr., who, Atlas-like, carry the weight of the free world on their veal-like preppy shoulders, urinate freely among the California redwoods (Ed Note: The Bohemian Grove is all male, because, like, everyone knows that girls have cooties), performing secret Bohemian Grove handshakes, crying into their cocktails over the good old days of the Cold War, dolled up like Tououse-Lautrec girls, doing each others mascara, curling each others' hair, exchanging moist looks, performing torch songs and lurid little Edith Piaf numbers, ultimately passing out in the great outdoors lying doggo next to their hombres, spent, with a sly satisfied smile of world domination gently playing on their thin, blue vampirelike lips, like the Masters of the Universe that they are, ahem (averted gaze, exaggerated cough, feigned detatchment), The Corsair cannot fail to note the curious homoerotic undertones that such activities appear to suggest, especially coming from such a bastion on ultraconservative manliness as The Grove.

Will Donald Rumsfeld procede to tease his coif and don Manolo Blahnik's?
 
The San Francisco Chronicle delves into the super-secret world of these modern day Boyz N the Woods:

"On Saturday, some 2,000 CEOs and politicos and arty types arrived at the cool redwoods and lily-choked lake of the Grove, the famous Russian River playground of the powerful Bohemian Club(link via Gawker).

"They say it's the place to be seen in America in July. Except, of course, you can't see them."

Of course you can't playboy, because: "Signs abound: No Thru Traffic. No Trespassing. Members and Guests Only. No Turn Around. Sentries scan the paths from above with binoculars, helped out by infrared sensors."

The Corsair pitches forward, plowing through the X-Files vibe, on a very hush-hush strictly need-to-know basis:

"And what are those important men doing out there for 17 days behind that elaborate security?
Slipping into frocks and putting on pageants. The Bohemian Club, a beguiling mix of ultra-power hangout and high school play, is one of several elite private clubs in San Francisco, curious islands of conservatism amid a forest of Kerry for President signs."

Or, as that "Tricky Dick," Richard Nixon said, according to Page Six, with characteristic swellegance,"'the most faggy goddamned thing you could ever imagine.'"

That Nixon, he was a bigoted little pisser, but he had a special place in his black heart for the sissies and the darkies. Coincidentally, as Page Six also deliciously relates, "THE power-moguls and political heavyweights now luxuriating at ultra-exclusive retreat Bohemian Grove are unaware that they're being waited on hand-and-foot by a famous gay porn star. "

Say what? They continue, true believer:

"We're told that 'Chad Savage,' who has appeared in such carnal classics as 'How the West Was Hung,' is supplementing his sex job by working as a valet at Bohemian Grove, the all-male annual gathering inside a 2,700-acre redwood forest in Monte Rio, Calif., that has been attended by every Republican president since Calvin Coolidge, as well as by industrial titans and media magnates.

"'All of us valets in the Grove are tittering about it,' says our Bohemian blabbermouth. 'To think there's all these powerful conservative guys having their drinks and food served to them by a gay porn star. He makes their beds and attends to their every need � and they have no idea who he really is.'"

Should be just like boarding school, only less sodomy.