Britney Thought Lice were Eating Her Extentions?



Britney fucked the whole shit up. The chick is cracked. Do lice even eat hair extentions? A likely story, to be sure. What would compel Britney to shave off her luxurious weave (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment), exposing a cratered surface with a crazy-eyed "Look What I Just Did" face into all the assembled cell-phone cameras? Lice, people (Or so she wants us to believe). Horses may have had to die -- or at least appease the appetite of a Lagerfeld -- for Britney's hair, but apparently lice (Riiight) were making a meal of her scalp. At least that is Britney's admittedly "fucky" self-diagnosis. According to the 3AMGirls:

'BRITNEY Spears told pals she shaved her bonce because her hair was home to hundreds of egg-laying lice.

"She made the extraordinary claim just hours before checking herself back into an LA rehab clinic last night.


"Troubled Britney complained to friends of a 'strange itching' on her scalp before running out of Eric Clapton's Crossroads clinic last week on Caribbean isle Antigua The 25-year-old said the bugs 'totally freaked me out' and she had no choice but to lose her locks.

"Leaving LA's Mondrian hotel, Brit was heard shuddering: 'I had to get rid of the lice. They were horrible.'

"A source close to Brit told us: 'She thought lice were eating her hair extensions, so she decided to get rid of them as soon as possible.'"

See, we would have diagnosed dandruff and counseled a robust moisturizer, but, hey: Britney evidently got her medical degree at Carvell's College of Knowledge, no? Either that, or -- the much more sane reason -- is Fed-Ex threatened to have her hair tested for drugs in their upcoming custody battle. Britney, as youll remember, is -- like all trailer trash -- obsessed with crime scene forensics. Obsessed. We don't know why trailer trash dig it; our aesthetic tastes run towards African masks, Gurdjieffian metaphysics and Etruscan Vases, but there's no accounting for taste. Evidently Brit-Brit, amateur forensic scientist (or, perhaps K-Fed just knew how to push her buttons) kind of lost it when thinking those same forensic breakthroughs she loves could permanently separate her from her kids. So she cut her hair, not realizing that her eyebrows and eyelashes still exist. Crackhead move, brit.

She's Old School possum-eating trailer trash Dingbat. Fer realsies. More (3AMGirls)