Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



"(sniff, sniff) Rusty pipes!" (image via thecobrasnake)



Taken individually, either the short-shorts, the soiled yellow headband or the Jewfro could be construed as an automatic dealbreaker. However, when combined ... the effect, as you now see, is nothing short of devastating magnificent. (image via thecobrasnake)



And the winner -- for the third year in a row -- of the most punchable face contest ... (image via thecobrasnake)



Is your father Hamas, honey, cause you are THA BOMB! (image via thecobrasnake)



The pimp with Down's syndrome who thought he had all the answers, and his sassy "bottom 'ho" were the life of the party. (image via thecobrasnake)



... Got Heroin? (image via thecobrasnake)



The party got a little "out of hand" when it was suggested after a few too many gin and tonics that Jean-Paul Sartre is irrelevant to today's concerns. (image via thecobrasnake)

A Little of the Old In and Out



"... Unlimited power" (image via ejeanlive)

In: The Les Moonves Profile. Thanks to Wonkette, for steering us in the direction of this "Master of the Universe" Les Moonves profile in the upcoming New York Times Magazine (via Romenesko):

"'The news anchor Andrew (Heyward) wants to use is not surprising,' Moonves had told me, referring to John Roberts, the chief White House correspondent for CBS and one of Heyward's leading choices. 'That's bothering me. On the one hand, we could have a newscast like The Big Breakfast in England, where women give the news in lingerie. Or there's Naked News, which is on cable in England. I saw a clip of it. It's a woman giving the news as she's getting undressed. And then, on the other hand, you could have two boring people behind a desk. Our newscast has to be somewhere in between.

"... 'It's like pornography I'll know it when I see it, he would tell me later."

Classy (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). Did Les Moonves casually belch in the face of the interviewer after delivering that erudite pronouncement? Did Les forcefully expectorate on the studio floor immediately afterwards? Listen, listen carefully. Do you hear that high pitched whizzing sound? That's Edward R. Murrow spinning in his grave.



(image via worth1000)

Out: The 50 Cent Demands. Glad to see that Fitty is being more modest in his use of celebrity. In the past he has been rather cavalier. And, no, Fitty hasn't forsworn Icelandic lasses. According to The Corsair's favorite superhero gossip duo Rush and Molloy, "50 Cent is the one whose representatives asked for condoms - two boxes of Lifestyles and Rough Riders, to be precise. The rapper also wanted the obligatory bottles of Cristal, but when it came to food, his tastes were simpler: chicken - from KFC and Boston Market - and macaroni and cheese.
And 50 had a kosher request, as well. His demands, scored by In Touch Weekly, say: 'There is to be no pork in the food or in the vicinity of 50 Cent's dressing room.'"

So, he doesn't have time for "swine." We guess that makes the world a safer place for Tara Reid, now doesn't it?

But we digress. You'll remember, of course, 50 Cent's Beg For Mercy Tour Rider requested, among other items, "coldslaw (sic)", soft toilet paper, creamy peanut butter, one jar of grape jelly, turkey sausage, five dozen assorted doughnuts, "butter and marg," cereals (Kellogg's variety packs and Raisin Bran), sliced cheese tray (with four cheeses, onions, pickles lettuce in separate containers), pasta and tuna salad with a minimum of three dressings, grilled chicken and tuna melt sandwiches, local specialty to be discussed, and a Saturday meal of BBQ Chicken, ribs and baked fish, a hearty deli tray with four meats and, the coup de grace, four glass ashtrays.



(image via pelmelquizz)

In: The Johnannesberg Man-Rape. Remember that episode of "Too Close for Comfort" when the character named "Monroe," (played, so ably, by Jim J. Bullock) was raped in a van by these two aggro women? Well, under the quirky headline "Visions of Johannesburg," the gang at Worldofwonder (link via iafrica) posted this enticing little chestnut on the dark continent:

"A 30-year-old man in Johannesburg, South Africa, has become traumatized and unable to speak after being raped by three women whose ages ranged from 30 to 36. One was described as being a slender Zulu-speaking woman with a ponytail, dressed in black denim pants, a pink T-shirt, black leather jacket, and black baseball hat. The women approached the man in their car and asked him to get in and direct them to a hotel. But on the way they changed direction and drove to a field, where they made him undress at gunpoint, then undressed themselves and took turns raping him. After forcing him back into the car, they drove him to a main road and dropped him off."

Blogger, please. That's not rape. That's a classic good time. If the women had dropped off some scotch before slinking off into the night, then it would have been The Corsair's idea of a perfect evening.



(image via allposters)

Out: Jerry Hall. In keeping with the general tenor of the last post. This, on "sexually demeaning content." According to ThisisLondon:

"Jerry Hall has been banned from (the London transport system). Or rather, posters of the Texan model have been banned. Hall was pictured with 12 semi-naked men on a dog leash.

"But the sight of Mick Jagger's ex-wife posing in such a provocative way offended the bosses of London Underground because of its 'sexually demeaning' content.

"They ordered the posters, which promote her new VH1 series, Kept, be torn down witin hours of going up on the walls of Tube stations ... The show has already aired in America, where it had mixed reviews. 'Seldom has whoring for ratings seemed quite so brazen,' wrote Variety's TV critic. Sceptical minds might wonder if VH1's Tube posters were a publicity stunt."

*The Corsair's heart goes out to any readers who have in any way been victims of hurricane Katrina.

Patrick McMullen's Surprise Party



McMullen, Amanda Hearst and ... Georgette Mosbacher -- kidding!(image via NYSocialDiary)

Our favorite social chronicler, the great David Patrick Columbia covers Patrick McMullen's surprise party. We're "retouching" on the whole recursive mirror theme of snapping pictures of photographers because, well, we like using the word "meta". It makes this blog enterprise seem more sophisticated and urbane (The Corsair sips a glass of Chateau D'yquem). Says NYSocialDiary:

"Last Saturday night in Southampton Bettina Zilkha, Alice Judelson, Tinsley Mortimer and Nina Garcia hosted a 'surprise' birthday party for Patrick McMullan. It�s hard to believe they kept this thing a 'surprise' especially in this group and especially considering that invitations went out in the mail weeks before to scores of Patrick�s thousands of friends. Besides, if there�s anyone in New York who knows what�s going on when and where at all times, it�s Patrick.

" ... After decades of hard work and diligence, he�s a kind of one man industry and he�s fanned out with several photographers on his team covering the scores of parties that occur in New York on any given week of any given month.

" ... Saturday night was a busy one in the Hamptons and Patrick�s small cadre of professional party photographers had to be fanned out across the South Fork snapping away while the man himself was enjoying his own party."

Photographing photographers is the new ambient. Act like you know.

The Whippin' in Britain!



"In the corner to our left (huffing freebased cocaine; Nice), Pete Doherty ..." (image via liquidgeneration)

Pow! And now, for the latest installment of news in the slow, smoldering car-wreck that is Pete Doherty's fucked up life. Sunday, two former "smack" addict rock stars got into a little slap and tickle in the UK (Averted Gaze). We'll call it "The Whippin' in Britain" According to NME:

"Johnny Borrell and Pete Doherty have been involved in a backstage bust-up at the CARLING WEEKEND: LEEDS FESTIVAL, NME.COM can reveal.



"And to our right, former smack addict, Johnny Borrell .." (image via virgin)

"Both bands played on the final night of the event yesterday (August 28) at Bramham Park in Leeds, with Razorlight on the main stage and Babyshambles appearing on the nearby NME / Radio 1 Stage.

"Witnesses claim that shortly before midnight Doherty went to Razorlight's dressing room, and headbutted the Razorlight singer."

Words fail Pete. We can only assume that by this clear breach of the laws of civility that Doherty couldn't scrounge up the cash for his "medicinal." It gets worse. Someone, in this next installment, kisses the dressing-room floor:

"A festival source told NME.COM: 'We've been told that Pete Doherty did in fact have a disagreement with Razorlight. Rumour is that Doherty walked into the band's dressing room last night after both bands had played and in an unprovoked attack headbutted Johnny Borrell. Johnny put Doherty on the floor and left the dressing room, at which point festival security escorted Doherty from the dressing room and back to his bus.'"

A happy ending. Publicity for Razorlight. And Pete gets to catch up on some much-needed sleep (involuntarily, of course). More here.

Cameron's Meta-Statement



The Corsair's brilliant blog wife, Miu, has come up with some truly "meta" pictures of Cameron Diaz, silent, face lowered all solemn-like -- introspective even -- wielding a lone camera against the paparazi hordes.

What the fuck?

Permit me. But: Let's be respectful of "the process." Please, let's.

Let's begin the vivisection. Could this be some sort of postmodern theater excercise? Is she presenting us, the spectator, with an ironic "recursive mirror" scenario? Is she experimenting with the methods of Artauld? Is she engaging in "a violent, physical determination to shatter the false reality which, Artauld said, lies like a shroud over our perceptions"? -- And whatnot? (The Corsair drains a chilled glass of 2001 Chateau Malijay)

Come to think of it, it seems like such an organic statement.

We won't entertain the possibility that Cameron is naught else but utterly in need of psychiatric care.

More pics, more commentary: at Socialitelife

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via wehaitians)

In: Wyclef Jean. As the soi-disant "Diddy" (Averted Gaze) was opening the vapid VMA Awards with Luke "Me so horny" Campbell (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment), Wyclef Jean was out there raising $100,000 in development aid for Haiti. This, according to Lloyd Grove's Lowdown:

"While Sean Combs strutted around Miami's Video Music Awards festivities last weekend, trying to hog every last ray of spotlight, Wyclef Jean decided there was no better time to dis His Diddyness.

"At a fund-raiser for his Yele Haiti charity in Wainscott Saturday night, Wyclef took the stage and riffed on Combs' famously gauche Hamptons parties, quipping to the well-heeled crowd: 'P. Diddy, he be so corny.'"

He love you long time ...



Ambassador McKenna presents his credentials to President Bush. (image via dfait-meci)

Out: US-Canadian Relationship. The peaceful conclusion of The Cold War has, for all intents and purposes, disturbed the once impenetrable trans-Atlantic network of alliances that held together the disparate nations collectively known as The West. (The Corsair sparks up a Montecristo Diplomaticos)

As you know, The Corsair is a "diplobrat," or, the child of a United Nations diplomat; forgive us if this blog gets to "diplogeekish," but the Canadian-American relationship is of particularly importance to us as Father was a part of Uganda's first delegation to Canada, helping to forge tourism between Ottawa and Kampala immediately following the end of British colonialism, and, thus, The Corsair spent part his early wide-eyed childhood in the rustic (and comparatively frigid) Canadian countryside.

After Canada, The Corsair's family moved to Kips Bay, where Father became Uganda's Ambassador to the US, then, in 1979, Uganda's Ambassador to the United Nations, so, as you can see, the diplomatic relationship between the US and Canada is not without some nostalgic importance to this blogger; it is a part of our childhood and our existential fabric.

That having been said, According to the CBC:

"One of the Canadian signatories of the North American Free Trade Agreement says he would have been reluctant to sign had he known it wouldn't be respected by Washington.

"Frank McKenna, Canada's ambassador to the U.S., said Monday the dispute between the two countries over softwood lumber has raised concerns that the rules of free trade are unraveling.
'It's fair to say for me and the other architects . . . of the free trade agreement, if we had not thought the rules were going to be there to resolve disputes and be respected, we would have been very reluctant to enter the relationship,' McKenna said during a conference of eastern premiers and New England governors in St. John's.'"

Further complicating matters, according to Bloomberg, just one hour ago, "The World Trade Organization ruled that U.S. duties on Canadian softwood lumber are legal, according to U.S. industry representatives, contradicting findings from a North American Free Trade Agreement panel."



Whoopsie! (image via chadmuska.org)

In: Blind Items. From the Daily Mirror, "WHICH blonde celeb annoyed partygoers by smoking joints all the way through the aftershow parties? Usually this star likes to neck ecstasy instead but was clearly in a mellower mood." Does the answer rhyme with "Waris Shilton"? Just asking.



(image via photobucket)

Out: Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth. The Bloom is off the rose. What can you expect from a man who doesn't pay his dinner bills and cheat with exotic women in Dubai. Does he take his lessons in fidelity from ubercad Jude Law (Averted Gaze)? Orlando, like most men, has a problem with commitment. It's hard. Nature conspires against our best intentions. But we thought that when he recently reunited with Kate Bosworth (who, we cannot fail to note is in dire need of a robust multivitamin and some smothered pork chops), he had come to some sort of understanding of himself. Not hardly. According to the 3AM Girls:

"The 28-year-old Lord Of The Rings star was the talk of the town after he was busted enjoying a spot of dirty dancing and kissing with actress pal Kirsten Dunst.

(The Corsair mouths the words "homewrecker")

"The duo were in Miami at the MTV Video Music Awards this weekend.

"They left the pre-show party at the Raleigh Hotel together in the early hours on Sunday. They then returned to the hotel later in the day where they stunned guests with their poolside frolicking.

"That evening they presented Best Rock Video to Green Day and canoodled all night at the after-show parties.

"... Last August (Orlando and Sienna) had a bust-up after he spent all his time with Kirsten when the cameras stopped rolling. But while 22-year-old Kate remained in Australia this weekend where she's filming Superman Returns, Orlando hot-footed it to Miami."

The full story here.



(image via weimax)

In: Tom Biro. Congratulations! Three cheers to our blog amigo from TheMediaDrop, Tom Biro. As he tells it:

"Well folks, I'm happy to announce that I've now been formally announced as Director, New Media Strategies for MWW Group, a public relations firm based in East Rutherford, NJ.

"... In this new position, I'll be working on blogging strategies, podcasting, wikis, mobile technologies, measurement of 'you' media like blogs, etc., and other 'new media' programs for both MWW Group as well as its client base."

For you, Tom, in celebration we pop only the finest bottle of "the fizzy." Cheers.



(image via cnn)

Out: Senator Rick Santorum, Vulnerable. The next Presidential election will be all about "The Centrists," just as this past one was about "The Evangelicals (As opposed to the "Vote or Die" youth vote that wasn't)." And where else other than the "exurbs" of Pennsylvania, in 2006, can we get a more perfect bellwether as to how exurban centrists will vote (Or, some might argue the Western states).

In 1991, George Bush Sr's candidate for the Senate, Dick Thornburgh, former Attorney General, was defeated by the little known Harris Wofford (On health care; which became the centerpiece of the Clinton candidacy, later, in 92). This was ultimately seen as the beginning of the Democratic comeback. It all began in the exburbs of Pennsylvania.

If this is the case, then could Rick Santorum might be part II (Or, perhaps am I speculating waay too much here)? Says the Rasmussen Report:

"The latest Rasmussen Reports survey shows that Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum is living up to his reputation as the most vulnerable incumbent at this point in the 2006 election cycle. Santorum trails Democrat Bob Casey, Jr by eleven percentage points, 52% to 41%.

"Casey is viewed favorably by 49% of the state�s likely voters while 27% have an unfavorable opinion. For Santorum, 44% say favorable and 43% unfavorable.

"Casey earns 85% of the vote from self-identified liberal voters and 62% from moderates. Santorum currently attracts 66% of the conservative vote."

Dennis Hopper is a Picklehead



(image via altmanphoto)

In Spike Lee's new autobiography, "Spike Lee, as told to Kaleem Aftab," we get this curious little chestnut:

"Cannes, unabashed about jumping onto any significant bandwagon had also caught the black film bug. Poster designer Art Sims remembers, 'that Cannes Festival (Ed Note: in 1991), I had one of the best times in my life. You could make a movie about that festival. There were a number of African-American filmmakers at that festival. John Singleton's Boyz N The Hood was there. Madonna had a party and Ice T and Ice Cube had come to France. Dennis Hopper saw me come into the party with a bag in my hand and he says, 'Hey, dude, just chillout, man, just relax, put your gun down there.' Spike had to jump in and say, 'He's cool, he aint packing a gun in his hand.' Dennis Hopper thought every black guy was a gangster, he was hilarious.'"

Or fucking stupid, punch-drunk and ignorant. Take your pick.

Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



Through the magic of computer generated animation, TheCobrasnake was able to perfectly simulate in some unknown urban hipster the concave ass structure of a crackhead. (image via cobrasnake)



Downtown Hipster Party, or San Francisco's Tenderloin District, circa 1976? (images via thecobrasnake)



He had her at the greasy hair. His candy-colored polyester is just lagniappe at this point. (image via thecobrasnake)



"But, yes, I do suppose that if it all came down to brass tacks, a Hobbit could kick a Unicorn's ass if they were to throw down." (image via thecobrasnake)



... And immediately after the angel of sobriety disappeared in a cloud of psychedelic smoke, a really "greazy"-looking Dutch devil appeared over his left shoulder, offering Ari some hash brownies and some kind "Yellow Cab Buds." (image via thecobrasnake)



"Hey guys, I'm 'down,' with the ironical inverted commas and all that ... shizzle (Flashes southcentral crips handsignal). I've got liquor, too; anyone want to hang out with me? Anyone? (image via thecobrasnake)




It was all shits and giggles until a knuckleheaded member of the MTV VMA crew ignited one of Shakira's guineo farts, putting everyone in the arena danger. (image via Hello!Magazine)

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image by Franco Biciocchi via Washpost)

In: HBO's Rome. (The dull blast of an ancient Roman military Triton horn) Caesar was a bit undefined (And no, The Corsair is not veering into food reviews), but, all in all, HBO's "Rome," which premiered last night, was surprisingly good. The Corsair, something of a former Classics scholar, was all up in that bitch. Granted, the characters are weak -- but hey, it was only episode one (plus: they only had 55 minutes to flesh out the lusty plot), but the timeline is quite accurate, and the lush, "pagan-disgusting" reptilian feel (not to mention the delicious acoustical touch of original ancient Roman music) is not unlike the sick, slithery blood-soaked vibe of Rome, circa 50something BC, pre-Julio-Claudian dynasty.

Box office success notwithstanding, if "Revenge of the Sith" did not fail in giving us a serious meditation on the tragedy of the merciless quest after power, it would look more like HBO's Rome.

HBO's Rome begins -- abruptly -- with the sanguinary conclusion of the imperial wars that eventually led to the rise of the Oedipesque Caesars (with Cicero offering eloquent but now impotent caution), ushering in the end of the Golden Age of the Roman Republic. According to InsideBayArea:

"The series is set in 52 B.C., 400 years after the founding of the Republic. While Rome was based on principles of shared power with no man given absolute control, times are shifting.

"Corruption and excess are the norm, with the ruling class becoming richer and more decadent. As the legal and political systems weaken, the power is sliding toward the military -- and commander Gaius Julius Caesar.

"While not drawing too fine a point, the producers admit they see some parallels between this period in Roman history and what's happening in the United States.

"'It's the transformation of a republic into an empire,' says writer/producer Bruno Heller in an interview. 'I think America is dealing with that issue right now.'"



And speaking of Caesar ... (image via cloud9 via AP Photo/Dave Martin)

Out: Congresswoman Katherine Harris, No respect. It's hurricane season in Florida's Cuban cigar smoke filled political backrooms as well in the panhandle. One of the less-reported stories in the media is how the Republican Establishment is actively courting anyone -- anyone! -- to run against the impossibly ambitious and socially undesirable U.S. Congresswoman Katherine Harris, who is challenging Bill Nelson for a Senate Seat in Florida. Despite the wall of Republican power standing against her advancement (Allegedly, Rove fears that a Harris' Senate race will polarize Florida Democrats, reminding them of her role in 2000, putting the state back into play in 2008), she is holding her own, slightly.

It reminds The Corsair -- vaguely -- of President George Bush, 41, who, in an act of great nobility (along with Nancy Reagan, we cannot fail to note), publicly repudiated bigot ex-Klansman David Duke (the Republican nominee) in his 1990 race for Governor against corrupt Louisiana pol Edwin Edwards (Unofficial campaign posters read, "Vote For the Crook. It's Important." and, our favorite, "Better a lizard than a wizard.")

As the great Dickensian villain Robert Novak writes, lamenting Liddy "Sugarlips" Dole's ineffective handling of the NRSC:

"In Florida, the Republican establishment tried and failed to find an alternative to Rep. Katherine Harris. But now that Harris is clearly the candidate against Nelson, the NRSC still has not embraced her."

The cosmetically-challenged Harris, who has a rabid fan base, may get the last laugh (but not likely: an early July poll has her losing to incumbent Senator Bill Nelson 50 percent to 38).



(image via southbeach-usa)

In: Jason Binn. The Hamptons rolled over; Aspen welcomed him; and he had Gotham at hello. Jason Binn's Media Domination Tour 2005 (tm) goes on, relatively unabated, but there may be a tiny snag on the Potomac, en route to that final victory lap. According to Lloyd Grove's Lowdown:

"I hear that supporters of Washington Life magazine, the 14-year-old chronicler of high society in the nation's capital, are greeting Binn - of Gotham, Hamptons and L.A. Confidential fame - like an alien invader who must be stopped.

"I'm told that, in recent months, Washington Life's editor, Nancy Bagley, and her husband, Washington Life CEO Soroush Shehabi, have been watching with alarm as Binn has hired away their advertising director, persuaded some of their longtime supporters to buy pages in his mag, and listed many of Washington Life's longtime friends - sometimes without their explicit permission - on Capitol File's advisory board.

"'There is a little competition for advertisers, but we have a different style,' Bagley said. 'And, no, we're not threatened.'"

You should be, Nancy Bagley; you really should.



(image via courttv)

Out: Suge Knight. Who shot ya? Suge "Marion" Knight took it from behind. According to The Daily News:

"Police were puzzled by the failure to find a shell casing inside SkyBar's VIP Red Room at the plush Shore Club - and that no one got a good look at the shooter. Knight gave only a cursory account of the shooting, raising more doubts about the event. He was in stable condition last night after doctors removed the bullet and set a fractured bone in his right leg.

"'He didn't see anything, he got shot from behind,' said Bobby Hernandez, a police spokesman. 'He fell to the ground.'

"Hernandez said 'an accidental discharge' was one scenario under investigation."

"Shot from behind"? "Accidental discharge"? "Didn't see anything"?

Hmm. Did he hug you afterwards, Suge?



(image via nysocialdiary)

In: 740 Park. Granted, The Corsair is friends with both Michael Gross and our favorite social chronicler, David Patrick Columbia, but since this is our blog, we'll take the opportunity to plug both (order your copies of 740 Park here). This, from NYSocialDiary:

"Meanwhile, over this past weekend I�ve been reading the galleys of Michael Gross� fabulous new book 740 Park; The Story of the World�s Richest Apartment Building. The book, which will be in the stores in October is a riveting document of the city�s social history from the time of the building�s construction which began about the time the stock market crashed in 1929 right up to today. Now considered one of the best addresses in the city, it was built by Jackie Onassis� grandfather James T. Lee.

"Mr. Lee had the right idea although The Crash destroyed any dreams he had about a great financial success with the building. Jackie and Lee Bouvier and their parents (who had a horrendous marriage) lived there rent-free for several years until the building could find a tenant (to rent) their apartment. The building limped along financially until it got an important boost when John D. Rockefeller Jr. moved in with his wife Abby and his son David in 1938-39. Even then, it was well into the late 1950s before the building became entire co-op, thanks to the effect of the Crash.

"The book is can�t-put-downable but more on it when I finish (it�s a tome � more than 500 pages)."

Also, DPC covers Rick Hilton's 50th in the Hamptons, and end-of-summer power weddings. Here.



(image via canada.america-atlas)

Out: The Canadian-American Diplomatic Crisis. You've read it here first, folks. Although, at present, this is just a minor blip on the constantly flashing radar screens in the adventurous world of international diplomacy (possibly even less than that), there will be a growing rift, we predict, between Canadian-American relations that we really ought to attend to, before, of course, China takes advantage. It's what they do, and they do it, unfortunately, quite well (Coincidentally, President Hu visits -- wink, wink -- Prime Minister Martin, next week)

Perhaps Vice President Dick Cheney, who plans to visit oil-rich Alberta (who knew?!), in an "invitation-only" dinner next month, can resolve this situation. According to Angus-Reid Consultants:

"Adults in Canada are divided on how their country should react to a recent change in the implementation of daylight savings time in the United States, according to a poll by Ipsos-Reid released by CanWest Global. 50 per cent of respondents believe Canada should retain its schedule, while 47 per cent would consent to an adjustment.

"On Aug. 8, U.S. president George W. Bush signed the Energy Policy Act of 2005. The legislation mandates for all clocks in the U.S. to be set one hour forward on the second Sunday in March�three weeks sooner than now�and one hour back on the first Sunday of November�one week later than now. The new rules�meant to help conserve energy�will be implemented in 2007.

"This, plus the softwood lumber dispute, equals: an opportunity for China to swoop in on Alberta's oil fields, so key to America, especially as speculation rises that Saudi Arabia's oil wells may not be infinitely deep.

Mickey Rourke, a Model named Alicia and ... Cialis



(image via Newsoftheweek)

Frankly, there are few things in this world that drive The Corsair to abject speechlessness. The Corsair's wined and dined with Kings and Queens, and he's lain in the gutter eating pork and beans. We were born into a diplomatic family Idi Amin's Caligulesque Uganda, so there's nothing -- or so we thought -- nothing! that could phase us. Oh, how wrong we were. We didn't factor in Mickey Rourke's vida loca and the erectile dysfunction wonder drug Cialis:



"'Puddingface' .... Had his visage surgically altered into an amorphous gooseliver pate .." (image via thesun)

This, from the extremely downmarket Newsoftheweek:

"After Mickey (Rourke) met Alicia in London club Movida two weeks ago he told her he had taken new drug Cialis, bragging: 'This is better than Viagra!'"



Class will tell. (image via mark-feehily)

"And model turned singer and dancer Alicia wasn't complaining when she saw the effects�all 9 inches of it!

Blonde Alicia, 25, said: 'When I gasped that it was huge he looked delighted and said: �I know'."

Please dear Lord (in a cracked, faint whisper), make the gossip stop ... make the gossip stop ...

The full monte here.

Pizza Night for the Spanish Monarchy

Once known endearingly as "Juan Carlos the Brief" by his loyal subjects, because, as a young man, he was known as fearless, the Spanish King took his royal progeny out for some ... pizza? Remember that early episode on "The Facts of Life" when Blair Warner's bitchy friend disdainfully eyed Blair's efforts at making a tuna fish sandwich snack, saying, "we feed tuna to our cats." (We believe that she duly averted her gaze at the end of that sentence)

We don't know why that came to mind just now, but it did. According to Hello!Magazine:

"Certainly accustomed to challenges, King Juan Carlos of Spain and his wife Queen Sofia cheerfully embarked on a significant undertaking this week � stepping out for a family dinner with nearly half a dozen grandchildren, all under the age of seven.



"I suppose it would be jejeune to ask the peasants to fetch me a glass of peasant's blood to wash this shit down?" (image via Hello!Magazine)

"Candid shots of the fun-filled gathering show the king and queen � along with daughters Infanta Cristina and Infanta Elena, and son-in-laws I�aki Urdangarin and Jaime Marichalar � sharing a meal and quite a few laughs with grandchildren Froilan, Victoria Federica, Juan Valentin, Pablo Nicolas and Miguel at a Majorca pizzeria. While the restaurant was called Diablito, or Little Devil, the tiny fivesome looked nothing less than angelic as they indulged in pizza night with their parents and grandparents."

The full story and more pics here.

Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



He laughed, he cried; that goddamn party was better than fucking "Cats" (image via thecobrasnake)



"Not to haggle, but I just don't believe that that pole dance was worth a full dollar. Now, do you want to pick up these dimes, or should I just toss them to you from across the room? (image via thecobrasnake)



"Shady Sadie" -- as we like to call her -- liked her "chicken" young, naive, corn-fed and on the tender side. (image via thecobrasnake)



Even after making all of that "Hootie and the Blowfish" scrilla, poor Darius Rucker can still only pull sorority girl that only goes the second base. (image via thecobrasnake)



So (skeet,skeet), why don't one a you kids introduce me to some of that "Williamsburg Super-Crack" I've been hearing so much about, huh (skeet, skeet)? (image via thecobrasnake)



Manorexia herr-poseur. (image via thecobrasnake)



"... Then I'd dress up like a clown, and surprise kids at schools." (image via thecobrasnake)



"Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry." (image via thecobrasnake)

The Weinstein Company to Tribeca



(image via ftd)

On the high-heels of the news that The Weinstein company is partnering with Transamerica comes this from the Indiewire Blog:

"Today's Variety reports that the forever 'temporarily named' Weinstein Company will occupy 27,000 square feet of space at 345 Hudson St. That should be just close enough to hear Harvey yelling from his own office in the Tribeca Film Center, thus keeping the fledgling business' phone expenses to a minimum and ensuring a healthy start for the next generation of Weinstein blockbusters."

The Softwood Lumber Dispute?



(image via kwaterskibros)

Granted, tucking into an international dispute involving "Canada," and "lumber" on a Saturday afternoon sounds, on the face of it, about as exciting as watching photosynthesis occur; bear with The Corsair, hear us out: there's method to the madness.

We have another diplomatic minefield, we need Karen "The Cleaner" Hughes. A Canada-US Trade War? It may be approaching The issue in dispute in this increasingly incendiary trade eventoid involves the United States and Canada and softwood lumber. According to the CBC News InDepth:

"The dispute is centered on stumpage fees - set amounts charged to companies that harvest timber on public land. Many in the U.S. see Canadian stumpage fees as being too low, making them de facto subsidies. A U.S. coalition of lumber producers wants the provincial governments to follow the American system and auction off timber rights at market prices. The U.S. responded by levying tariffs on incoming Canadian lumber in May 2002.

"... when the United States imposed duties of 27 per cent on Canadian softwood lumber, arguing that Canada unfairly subsidized producers of spruce, pine and fir lumber ... An agreement-in-principle to end the dispute was reached in December 2003. But it died two days later and the issue has been before North American Free Trade Agreement panels and the World Trade Organization several times. Rulings have usually gone Canada�?s way."

Canada, at present, is starting to talk of "retaliatory trade tariffs." This is odd because Canadiandipolomacyy is not especially overheated emotionally (The Corsair's father, Ambassador Louis Kayanda Mwangaguhunga, was part of a diplomatic delegation that formed the first diplomatic relations between Canada and Uganda in the 1970s)

But what does Canada do against a hyperpower who disagrees with a NAFTA panel's ruling that Canadian lumber exports "pose no threat to U.S. producers"? Won't an overly-emotional response work against their national interests? Of course it will. The $64,000 question is: Will Canada negotiate or retaliate? According to the Globe and Mail:

"(Prime Minister Martin) said that he is still planning to call U.S. President George W. Bush about the issue.

"He did not rule out consulting former prime minister Brian Mulroney, who maintains ties to the Bush family, or his negotiators for the 1989 North American free-trade agreement, two of whom, Paul Tellier and Gordon Ritchie, lead Canada's softwood-lumber negotiation team.

"International Trade Minister Jim Peterson said Canada is not planning a trade war, but simply responding to the U.S. administration's decision to continue duties on Canadian softwood lumber despite a NAFTA appeals panel ruling that the duties violate the trade agreement.
"'We fully expect the Americans to abide by the terms of the NAFTA, and that is the rule of law, and that is Canada's position. The rule of law must be respected,' Mr. Peterson said. 'That does not involve trade wars.'"

Beware, Mr. President: That the Chinese Dragon does not take this ... "fraying" of a post-Cold Waralliancee as an opportunity to pounce! As Joseph Nocera writes in The Old Gray Lady, "Pay attention to Canada"

(Now: was that really as boring as you thought initially?)

A Little of the Old In and Out



Portrait of an ass. (image via hydepark.co.il)

In: Chad Michael Murray's Gymkata. Oh how we do so love the athletic contortions and rhetorical "gymkata" that guys engage in (but, like, not The Corsair) when we try to explain away why we are at a houses of flesh in another city not their own without our significant others (for further reference, see Matt LeBlanc's now infamous "she was crossing the line" explanation; uh-huh). Chad's off-the-cuff explanation similarly defies the laws of logic, and goes something like, "look, I was tired, it was the end of a day, I wanted a drink and then -- plam! tits and ass! Everywhere!" Or something like that, according to SFGate's Dish:

"Chad Michael Murray has cleared up reports about his recent controversial visit to a strip club, insisting his wife, Sophia Bush, was fully aware of the trip.

"While promoting his and Paris Hilton's movie 'House of Wax' in Canada, the actor was spotted out at a strip bar, attracting headlines and whispers about the state of his new marriage.
"But Murray insists the visit was completely innocent, explaining to Teen People, 'Yeah, I went to a strip club in Toronto. We were there for the House of Wax press junket. It had been a long day, and Jared (Padalecki), Elisha (Cuthbert) and I wanted to go out.'"

A change of "Bush," so to speak. Simultaneous bullshit detector/translator: Yeah, I went (Holy cats! I'm busted!).

"'So our driver says, Hey, I know this great place to sit back and have a drink. It's called the Brass Rail. I thought it was a whiskey bar. It just sounds like a tough-guy bar, you know?

Simultaneous bullshit detector/translator: It's a guy thing. I was more into kicking ass than tapping ass that night, anyhow.

"When we got there and I realized what it was, I called Sophia. I was like, 'Baby, we tried to go to a whiskey bar, and we're sitting at a strip club!' She thought it was funny.'

Simultaneous bullshit detector/translator: We got caught. Hysterical crying ensued. It was really freaky how she kind of laughed and cried at the same time in that cracked way. More here.



(image via bbc.co.uk)

Out: Diddy. What's up with "Diddy"? Why did he say the following? From British Vogue, we get:

"Sean Combs has come over all Proustian: the impresario, who prefers to go by plain Diddy these days, claims his new fragrance, Unforgivable, is potent enough to recall temps perdu. 'You may forget the way a person looks,' he tells WWD, 'but their smell, even years later, will jog your memory. And when I make a fragrance, I make it to the point you damn near want to taste the person.'"

Okay, The Corsair is officially creeped out (shudders). We do not approve of damn near tasting people; that sounds like a recipe for Mad Cow. Still, this is oddly effective marketing -- viral even -- recalling not Proustian Madeleine's so much as Joy Behar's old routine about the semi-psychotic Catherine Deneuve's Chanel No. 5 ("Je Ne Regrette Rien") commercials.

Even worse, according to those intrepid Page Sixxies, "When People magazine asked the natty hip-hop mogul what he planned to wear while hosting tomorrow's Video Music Awards, Combs answered: 'An array of colors and luxurious fabrications.' We think he meant 'fabrics' but with Combs, you never know."

Agreed.



(image via skyblog)

Out: White Slavery. Seriously, though, yo: What the fuck is up with OK!Magazine and their increasingly creepy relationships with the celebrities that they "pay" to cover (As to the ethics of that, why don't we leave that question for a panel at buried in the 3 AM slot on C-SpanII). Does signing an interview contract with OK! Magazine make you chattel?

OK! Magazine has got to be violating some statute of international law in their "proprietary ownership" of their interview subjects, and all that for only a paltry $200,000. First of all, does anyone know anyone who even reads OK!Magazine? Anyone, anyone ...?

We didn't think so. Next, this tasty morsel from those intrepid Page Sixxies, "THAT OK! magazine is paying for Jessica and Ashlee Simpson's hotel rooms at the Setai in Miami this weekend to 'keep an eye on them and help them stay loyal to the magazine,' our spies tell us."

Ok! Next thing you know, Jessica and Ashlee will be asked by an oily executive at OK! to "be nice" to a roomful of mantanned "Russian businessmen" in their hotel room wearing open shirts revealing chest hair and gold chains.



(image via nysocialdiary)

In: Jonathan Capehart. The Corsair met Jonathan Capehart, clearly an up-and-coming player moving up the publishing chain, briefly at Michael's, where he talked with our favorite social chronicler, David Patrick Columbia for NYSocialDiary:

"Jonathan is a young man �? 38 �? and has had a stellar career since coming to New York out of college. He was the first man (I think I�?m right about this) to work in an advisory capacity for Michael Bloomberg when he decided to run for office. Later he went to work for the Daily News sitting on the board that decides what to concentrate on editorially/news-wise. Perhaps because of his Bloomberg experience, he�?s really connected in New York politics, and it�?s obviously in his blood. Betsy Gotbaum refers to him as her 'son.'"



(image via plissken)

Out: The Bodyguard 2? Oh please no; let's --like -- not ,and say we did. LASocialDiarist catches up with Kevin Costner in Beverly Hills:

"Kevin Costner had a monster hit with The Bodyguard in the 1992 film that co-starred Whitney Houston. Now he wants to make a sequel and he knows who he wants to protect this time around. 'Ideally, it would be great to get someone like Jessica Simpson on board to take the story to the next level,' said Costner."

The next level of Dante's "Inferno"?